DDDDDD – Exceptional and unparalleled
DDDDD – Excellent, a special film
DDDD – High Enjoyable, recommended
DDD – Worth watching, but unexceptional or flawed
DD – Bland, dull and average
D – Will give you cancer
Sherlock Holmes (2009) Robert Downey, Jr., Jude Law, Rachel McAdams, Mark Strong. Dir Guy Ritchie.
A more dynamic Holmes and Watson take on a sinister criminal who has come back from the dead. Turning Holmes into a comic book style character has worked before, and Ritchie’s film is undeniably fast moving smart and entertaining. The only thing missing is a decent mystery to solve.
DDDDd
A Very Long Engagement (2004) Audrey Tautou, Gaspard Ulliel, Marion Cotillard, Dominique Pinon. Dir: Jean-Pierre Jeunet.
A girl refuses to believe her betrothed died in WW 1 and investigates what happened the day he disappeared. Handsome, romantic mystery thriller if a little too garishly shot. Funny and very charming, but is hard to follow and a little slow moving. Not quite a classic.
DDDD
Woman of the Year (1942) Spencer Tracy, Katherine Hepburn, Fay Bainter, William Bendix. Dir: George Stevens.
A down to earth sports’ writer begins a relationship with a head strong diplomat’s daughter. The first Tracy/Hepburn film quickly establishes their trademark chemistry. Smart and funny, the adult romantic comedy is a dead art.
DDDDd
Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll (2009) Andy Serkis, Naomie Harris, Ray Winstone, Olivia Williams. Dir: Mat Whitecross.
Flawed attempt to hammer the strands of Ian Dury’s life into a narrative. Focuses on his family life, but uses not entirely successful plot devices to bring his past and music career in. Doesn’t help that the Rock star rise and fall story is too familiar. Serkis is the highlight.
DDD
Tokyo Story (1953) Chishu Ryu, Chieko Higashiyama, Setsuko Hara. Dir: Yasujiro Ozu.
An eldery couple visit their children in Tokyo, but they’re too busy to spend time with them. A gentle but deeply tragic film about the way the old replaces the new and how easily the past is devalued. Slow moving but leaves a lingering impression.
DDDDD
Exotica (1994) Bruce Greenwood, Mia Kirshner, Elias Koteas, Sarah Polley. Dir: Atom Egoyan.
Damaged characters are linked by a strip club and a patron obsessed with a school girl dancer. Slow reveals cleverly disguise the true nature of this human drama, which is touching in places, but frustrating also. Some stories add little to the overall plot and some performances aren’t so impressive.
DDDD
The Silence of the Lambs (1990) Jody Foster, Anthony Hopkins, Scott Glenn, Ted Levine. Dir: Jonathan Demme.
An FBI recruit is sent to question an imprisoned psychopath who knows the identity of a serial killer. Slick and stylish thriller; it’s exciting, but implies more depth than is there. Scenes between Foster and Hopkins are few and don’t demonstrate the psychological impact on Clarice that Lector apparently has.
DDDD
The Men Who Stare At Goats (2009) George Clooney, Ewan McGregor, Jeff Bridges, Kevin Spacey. Dir: Grant Heslov.
A jilted journalist goes to Iraq and meets an ex-soldier who claims to have psychic powers. A very funny film, but one without a point to it. It’s too aimless to be the satire it ought to be, and ends up just being a very pleasant distraction.
DDDd
Christmas in July (1940)Dick Powell, Ellen Drew, Raymond Walburn, Alexander Carr, William Demarest. Dir: Preston Sturges.
A man is tricked into thinking he’s won a competition and spends the prize money before discovering the truth. Brief, but smart comedy with top notch performances from a solid cast. As you’d except from Sturges, some of the lines are golden.
DDDD
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
For the love of The Room
A few weeks ago I went to see a film called The Room. Haven’t heard of it? Well it’s the big sleeper hit of the last decade. It’s taken years for it to gather momentum after its initial short theatre run. Gradually, its reputation has grown and the film is being shown across America and now it has begun to get a reaction in the UK as well.
What’s so special about The Room? Well.....It’s rubbish. It’s generally regarded to be the worst film of the 21st century so far.
The Room is a throwback to old school days of bad filmmaking. It’s not one of those professional disasters where a filmmaker goes off the rails and creates a bomb that inspires hatred and/or boredom. The Room is that rare beast of a film where amateurs with almost no filmmaking skills and no talent somehow managed to put something together that looks at far glance like something that could’ve been a proper production, but isn’t.
The film is written, produced and stars (never a good start) by Tommy Wiseau, a strange accented lumpy man who first marketed the move as “A film with the passion of Tenessee Williams” overlooking the fact that it’s spelt Tennessee. When people fell about laughing at the premiere, he tried to sell it as a comedy. People laughed, but no one was buying it.
The film revolves around Tommy and his apparently beautiful future wife (not fiancé - this word is unknown to them), who have been together for 5 or 7 years depending which scene you watch. Tommy is a wonderful man (so we’re told over and over) but Lisa has become bored of him and seduces his best friend (so we’re told over and over again) Mark. The film charts the disintegration of their relationship and the revelation of Lisa’s betrayal.
But that’s not all. Denny, who is like a son to Tommy, buys some drugs and is threaten by a dealer. Lisa’s mum has cancer, is fighting with her brother over a house and has relationship troubles. Lisa’s best friend is having sex with some guy. It’s a rich tapestry of different related stories which are irrelevantly introduced and then quickly forgotten about.
It’s a stupid and bizarre film, an innocent effort that the creators really wanted to work, and as result, has gained the sort of following that Ed Wood films now enjoy. And as the legend of The Room has spread, people have begun to gather. They gather at late night screenings, they bring their friends, and they arrive fully versed in all things The Room.
I wasn’t quite prepared for the experience. I knew the film’s reputation had spread and in America it was becoming big, but I didn’t know that already people over in the UK had taken it to heart. I should’ve seen the indicators, 4th screening at the Prince Charles Cinema, 4th sell out in a row – it’s not a small place. As I walked in, a small lady on a stool handed a sheet of ‘rituals’ that you could follow throughout the movie. I also noticed lots of people holding plastic spoons.
The ritual sheets suggested a number of ways to interact with the movie. Such as shouting ‘Who are you?’ when new characters appear and you’re supposed to know/care who they are; ‘Cancer’ when Lisa’s mum arrives on screen, because she forgets about it almost as soon as she says she has it; ‘meanwhile in San Francisco’ because of the many establishing shots of San Francisco, even though almost all the action happens, as the title suggests.
Oh and the spoons... Well there is some artwork in the apartment which features spoons for some reason. So whether the camera passes said artwork, audience members throw plastic spoons at the screen.
The audience is given full license to misbehave as much as they like. People expressed their loud disgust at the awful sex scenes, constantly mocked the rubbish dialogue and applauded loudly at the most pointless scenes in the movie. It was a little like being in classroom where the teacher’s been gone for ages.
It can be annoying; some of the people aren’t funny and naturally won’t shut up. But having a whole group of people there made this film. Watching them erupt into applause at pointless scenes, hearing them point out the ridiculous things you didn’t notice. It was like being in a great audience at a comedy show or at great gig. The sheer momentum of people there determined to have a good time makes it hard not to enjoy the anarchy. Even if you’ve seen the film before, you’ll never know what’s going to come next.
What The Room proves is that just like any great movie, the way to watch a bad movie is on a big screen with an audience. Seeing The Room is like no other experience you can have at the cinema, an excuse to be as badly behaved as you like; and the film is so much funnier than almost any comedy you’ll see on a big screen.
The film is showing monthly at the Prince Charles Cinema in Leicester Square. Try it; you’ll struggle to find something else that much fun for a fiver on a Saturday night.
What’s so special about The Room? Well.....It’s rubbish. It’s generally regarded to be the worst film of the 21st century so far.
The Room is a throwback to old school days of bad filmmaking. It’s not one of those professional disasters where a filmmaker goes off the rails and creates a bomb that inspires hatred and/or boredom. The Room is that rare beast of a film where amateurs with almost no filmmaking skills and no talent somehow managed to put something together that looks at far glance like something that could’ve been a proper production, but isn’t.
The film is written, produced and stars (never a good start) by Tommy Wiseau, a strange accented lumpy man who first marketed the move as “A film with the passion of Tenessee Williams” overlooking the fact that it’s spelt Tennessee. When people fell about laughing at the premiere, he tried to sell it as a comedy. People laughed, but no one was buying it.
The film revolves around Tommy and his apparently beautiful future wife (not fiancé - this word is unknown to them), who have been together for 5 or 7 years depending which scene you watch. Tommy is a wonderful man (so we’re told over and over) but Lisa has become bored of him and seduces his best friend (so we’re told over and over again) Mark. The film charts the disintegration of their relationship and the revelation of Lisa’s betrayal.
But that’s not all. Denny, who is like a son to Tommy, buys some drugs and is threaten by a dealer. Lisa’s mum has cancer, is fighting with her brother over a house and has relationship troubles. Lisa’s best friend is having sex with some guy. It’s a rich tapestry of different related stories which are irrelevantly introduced and then quickly forgotten about.
It’s a stupid and bizarre film, an innocent effort that the creators really wanted to work, and as result, has gained the sort of following that Ed Wood films now enjoy. And as the legend of The Room has spread, people have begun to gather. They gather at late night screenings, they bring their friends, and they arrive fully versed in all things The Room.
I wasn’t quite prepared for the experience. I knew the film’s reputation had spread and in America it was becoming big, but I didn’t know that already people over in the UK had taken it to heart. I should’ve seen the indicators, 4th screening at the Prince Charles Cinema, 4th sell out in a row – it’s not a small place. As I walked in, a small lady on a stool handed a sheet of ‘rituals’ that you could follow throughout the movie. I also noticed lots of people holding plastic spoons.
The ritual sheets suggested a number of ways to interact with the movie. Such as shouting ‘Who are you?’ when new characters appear and you’re supposed to know/care who they are; ‘Cancer’ when Lisa’s mum arrives on screen, because she forgets about it almost as soon as she says she has it; ‘meanwhile in San Francisco’ because of the many establishing shots of San Francisco, even though almost all the action happens, as the title suggests.
Oh and the spoons... Well there is some artwork in the apartment which features spoons for some reason. So whether the camera passes said artwork, audience members throw plastic spoons at the screen.
The audience is given full license to misbehave as much as they like. People expressed their loud disgust at the awful sex scenes, constantly mocked the rubbish dialogue and applauded loudly at the most pointless scenes in the movie. It was a little like being in classroom where the teacher’s been gone for ages.
It can be annoying; some of the people aren’t funny and naturally won’t shut up. But having a whole group of people there made this film. Watching them erupt into applause at pointless scenes, hearing them point out the ridiculous things you didn’t notice. It was like being in a great audience at a comedy show or at great gig. The sheer momentum of people there determined to have a good time makes it hard not to enjoy the anarchy. Even if you’ve seen the film before, you’ll never know what’s going to come next.
What The Room proves is that just like any great movie, the way to watch a bad movie is on a big screen with an audience. Seeing The Room is like no other experience you can have at the cinema, an excuse to be as badly behaved as you like; and the film is so much funnier than almost any comedy you’ll see on a big screen.
The film is showing monthly at the Prince Charles Cinema in Leicester Square. Try it; you’ll struggle to find something else that much fun for a fiver on a Saturday night.
Saturday, February 06, 2010
5 things I hated in January
Bad Romance by Lady Gaga
While this song may not be as garish and stupid as Pokerface, it still has plenty to hate in it. There’s the bits that don’t make sense, the things she probably heard in other songs and decided she’d she stick in whether it made sense or not: - “walk, walk, fashion baby” what the f@#~s that got to do with anything. But to really hate Gaga, you have to have seen her videos.
As usual she wants to be everything. At various points she’s a victim, a monster, an angel, a whore (mostly this one) and a sort of warped hatchling. It’s not a case of style over substance, it’s no style and no sense. She’s being groomed and sold for sex apparently, but if this is meant to be a harsh sentence, it’s rather undermined by the fact that she’s really enjoying the attention.
If there is one constant in this mess of ridiculous mixed messages is that Gaga is so awesome. She sells for millions, she’s stared at, worshipped, covered in diamonds, and then eventually sets her metal jawed (why?) buyer on fire because she’s so hot. At least witless rappers are blatant about their glorified self indulgent promotion, they don’t pretend that there’s anything remotely artistic or stylish in what they do. Stupid pomegranate faced cow.
Broken Heels by Alexandra Burke
Her first song was about how girls always like bad boys because they’re dangerous* and then her second one is a whole feminism, girls are stronger than boys, thing**. For f%^@s sake, if you’re going to write your songs based on cliché’s at least don’t pick cliche’s that conflict. No wonder everyone say’s X Factor contestants have no personality, no character.
Even Britney Spears, has a character, a persona. Starting off as a purveyor of innocence and idealised teenage romance, and then later as grown up girl gone bad and becoming more edgy – indeed the change in persona has allowed her career to continue to thrive. Where exactly is Alexandra Burke going to go? Exactly how do her managers expect to make a career out of an act that has no weight behind it, no hook? Oh well, a replacement for her is never far away.
Thames Water
I’ve always hated these useless f^~#ers. It was bad enough last year when I complained about their extortionate rates and they failed to mention that I could cut my bills in half by installing a water meter – I had to find that out from a third party. But it takes the p^£s when they can’t even bill you properly.
I moved, gave them my new address and asked them to send me a final bill. I received nothing. I get a call a few weeks later asking about the unpaid bill. I tell the caller I received no bill, he checks my records and sees that I have called in a change of address and says the bill will arrive shortly. Still haven’t received it. Suddenly in January I get bailiff notices asking for unpaid funds, for two different amounts. I write a complaints letters to them asking for a proper bill. Still haven’t received it, just more threats. Eventually I just paid the two separate bills, I know for a fact I owe more, lets see how long it takes them to find that out.
Most annoying people of 2009 on BBC Three.
Ah yes, the BBC channel that spends more on making adverts about their innovative, chance-taking programming than at actually does making them. This depressing annual schedule offal is one of their favourites; a cheapo programme that fills a big gap in the schedule.
Besides being presented by Richard smug-without-justification Bacon, the quality of guest’s declines with each showing, and it was never high. The same mix of reality-show 15 minuters, failed pop starts and little known comedians and presenters, trying to give entertaining and knowledgeable opinions on people they’ve never met*** on a list they almost certainly had no say in putting together. Christ, I’d rather more repeats of Porridge and Only Fools (not Two Pints) than this sad case of depressing digital age filler.
Transport For London & Southern Trains
Well, whichever one of them made it more expensive to buy a return ticket into London from Croydon than it is to buy a travelcard with a young person’s railcard. It’s only 30p cheaper to buy a travelcard without one; it makes no bloody sense!
*I look forward to the follow up song where her bad boy gets her addicted to drugs, steals her money, rapes her and leaves her face down in a ditch.
** To be honest though love, you’d be more impressive if you took the broken heels off and wore some appropriate footwear.
*** Yes, I do appreciate there’s some irony here, but no one is required by law to pay for the witless bile I spit out.
While this song may not be as garish and stupid as Pokerface, it still has plenty to hate in it. There’s the bits that don’t make sense, the things she probably heard in other songs and decided she’d she stick in whether it made sense or not: - “walk, walk, fashion baby” what the f@#~s that got to do with anything. But to really hate Gaga, you have to have seen her videos.
As usual she wants to be everything. At various points she’s a victim, a monster, an angel, a whore (mostly this one) and a sort of warped hatchling. It’s not a case of style over substance, it’s no style and no sense. She’s being groomed and sold for sex apparently, but if this is meant to be a harsh sentence, it’s rather undermined by the fact that she’s really enjoying the attention.
If there is one constant in this mess of ridiculous mixed messages is that Gaga is so awesome. She sells for millions, she’s stared at, worshipped, covered in diamonds, and then eventually sets her metal jawed (why?) buyer on fire because she’s so hot. At least witless rappers are blatant about their glorified self indulgent promotion, they don’t pretend that there’s anything remotely artistic or stylish in what they do. Stupid pomegranate faced cow.
Broken Heels by Alexandra Burke
Her first song was about how girls always like bad boys because they’re dangerous* and then her second one is a whole feminism, girls are stronger than boys, thing**. For f%^@s sake, if you’re going to write your songs based on cliché’s at least don’t pick cliche’s that conflict. No wonder everyone say’s X Factor contestants have no personality, no character.
Even Britney Spears, has a character, a persona. Starting off as a purveyor of innocence and idealised teenage romance, and then later as grown up girl gone bad and becoming more edgy – indeed the change in persona has allowed her career to continue to thrive. Where exactly is Alexandra Burke going to go? Exactly how do her managers expect to make a career out of an act that has no weight behind it, no hook? Oh well, a replacement for her is never far away.
Thames Water
I’ve always hated these useless f^~#ers. It was bad enough last year when I complained about their extortionate rates and they failed to mention that I could cut my bills in half by installing a water meter – I had to find that out from a third party. But it takes the p^£s when they can’t even bill you properly.
I moved, gave them my new address and asked them to send me a final bill. I received nothing. I get a call a few weeks later asking about the unpaid bill. I tell the caller I received no bill, he checks my records and sees that I have called in a change of address and says the bill will arrive shortly. Still haven’t received it. Suddenly in January I get bailiff notices asking for unpaid funds, for two different amounts. I write a complaints letters to them asking for a proper bill. Still haven’t received it, just more threats. Eventually I just paid the two separate bills, I know for a fact I owe more, lets see how long it takes them to find that out.
Most annoying people of 2009 on BBC Three.
Ah yes, the BBC channel that spends more on making adverts about their innovative, chance-taking programming than at actually does making them. This depressing annual schedule offal is one of their favourites; a cheapo programme that fills a big gap in the schedule.
Besides being presented by Richard smug-without-justification Bacon, the quality of guest’s declines with each showing, and it was never high. The same mix of reality-show 15 minuters, failed pop starts and little known comedians and presenters, trying to give entertaining and knowledgeable opinions on people they’ve never met*** on a list they almost certainly had no say in putting together. Christ, I’d rather more repeats of Porridge and Only Fools (not Two Pints) than this sad case of depressing digital age filler.
Transport For London & Southern Trains
Well, whichever one of them made it more expensive to buy a return ticket into London from Croydon than it is to buy a travelcard with a young person’s railcard. It’s only 30p cheaper to buy a travelcard without one; it makes no bloody sense!
*I look forward to the follow up song where her bad boy gets her addicted to drugs, steals her money, rapes her and leaves her face down in a ditch.
** To be honest though love, you’d be more impressive if you took the broken heels off and wore some appropriate footwear.
*** Yes, I do appreciate there’s some irony here, but no one is required by law to pay for the witless bile I spit out.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Films I saw in December
My Neighbours the Yamadas (1999) James Belushi, Molly Shannon, Daryl Sabara, Liliana Mumy, Tress MacNeille. Dir: Isao Takahata.
The comic tales of a typical Japanese family. Pleasant animation made up of small sketches and vignettes, but without building towards anything. The humour is ok, but rather too familiar; it’s been done before, notably by The Simpsons. The watercolour animation is rather lovely.
DDDd
Mesrine: Public Enemy No.1 (2009) Vincent Cassel, Ludivine Sagnier, Mathieu Amalric, Gérard Lanvin, Olivier Gourmet. Dir: Jean-François Richet.
Still on the loose, Mesrine embraces his notoriety as an anti-establish figure. As eventful as part one, but with darker notions of how the media can influence events. Mesrine decides he’s a rebel after he is painted as one, justifying further acts of criminality. Dark but compulsive viewing.
DDDDD
The Lavender Hill Mob (1951) Alec Guinness, Stanley Holloway, Sid James, Alfie Bass. Dir: Charles Crichton.
A meek bullion security supervisor comes up with a novel way to rob his own delivery. Delightful comedy caper; it has a warm gentle quality, but keeps up a strong pace. Guinness and Holloway are delightful as the unlikely criminals – you really want them to get away with it.
DDDDD
The Great McGinty (1940) Brian Donlevy, Muriel Angelus, Akim Tamiroff. Dir: Preston Sturges
An aggressive street bum is groomed by a local crook, first as a debt collector and then as a political candidate. Smart comedy with a surprisingly cynical view of politics for its day – the likeable crooked duo are undone by an act of honesty! The dialogue is killer.
DDDDd
Wall-E (2008) Ben Burt, Elissa Knight, Jeff Garlin, Fred Willard, John Ratzenberger. Dir: Andrew Stanton.
The last robot on the abandoned planet earth gets an unexpected visitor. A brave effort from Pixar, the first half of the film is close to silent comedy, and the themes are surprisingly dark. Not all kids will appreciate, but adults who don’t, should get their heads examined. Quite remarkable.
DDDDD
Up! (2009) Edward Asner, Christopher Plummer, Jordan Nagai, Bob Peterson, Delroy Lindo. Dir: Pete Docter.
After his wife’s death, an old man ties balloons to his house and goes on the adventure they never had. An irresistible, full-on charm offensive, with less weighty themes than Wall-E, Pixar has room to be more carefree and silly; a real heart warmer.
DDDDD
Hue & Cry (1947) Alastair Sim, Harry Fowler, Douglas Barr, Joan Dowling, Jack Warner. Dir: Charles Crichton.
A boy discovers crimes from his comic book being enacted in real life, but no one believes him. Superb boy’s adventure – fast paced, exciting, funny and smart. The story is original and the genuine post war London scenes are fascinating to see.
DDDDd
The Magnet (1950) Stephen Murray, Kay Walsh, James Fox. Dir: Charles Frend
A boy steals another child’s magnet, causing a chain of events that make him think the police are after him. A strong start, but this one peters out and unlike many Ealing films, it’s more for just kids. But it’s charming, something kids’ films today fail to be.
DDDd
It came from Hollywood (1982) Dan Aykroyd, John Candy, Cheech Marin, Tommy Chong. Dir: Malcolm Leo, Andrew Solt.
A mixture of film clips from low budget B movies, with linking sketches. Intermittently funny, but there’s no direction or any time devoted to the films themselves, which mostly remain unidentified. The linking material is completely forgettable.
DDD
The comic tales of a typical Japanese family. Pleasant animation made up of small sketches and vignettes, but without building towards anything. The humour is ok, but rather too familiar; it’s been done before, notably by The Simpsons. The watercolour animation is rather lovely.
DDDd
Mesrine: Public Enemy No.1 (2009) Vincent Cassel, Ludivine Sagnier, Mathieu Amalric, Gérard Lanvin, Olivier Gourmet. Dir: Jean-François Richet.
Still on the loose, Mesrine embraces his notoriety as an anti-establish figure. As eventful as part one, but with darker notions of how the media can influence events. Mesrine decides he’s a rebel after he is painted as one, justifying further acts of criminality. Dark but compulsive viewing.
DDDDD
The Lavender Hill Mob (1951) Alec Guinness, Stanley Holloway, Sid James, Alfie Bass. Dir: Charles Crichton.
A meek bullion security supervisor comes up with a novel way to rob his own delivery. Delightful comedy caper; it has a warm gentle quality, but keeps up a strong pace. Guinness and Holloway are delightful as the unlikely criminals – you really want them to get away with it.
DDDDD
The Great McGinty (1940) Brian Donlevy, Muriel Angelus, Akim Tamiroff. Dir: Preston Sturges
An aggressive street bum is groomed by a local crook, first as a debt collector and then as a political candidate. Smart comedy with a surprisingly cynical view of politics for its day – the likeable crooked duo are undone by an act of honesty! The dialogue is killer.
DDDDd
Wall-E (2008) Ben Burt, Elissa Knight, Jeff Garlin, Fred Willard, John Ratzenberger. Dir: Andrew Stanton.
The last robot on the abandoned planet earth gets an unexpected visitor. A brave effort from Pixar, the first half of the film is close to silent comedy, and the themes are surprisingly dark. Not all kids will appreciate, but adults who don’t, should get their heads examined. Quite remarkable.
DDDDD
Up! (2009) Edward Asner, Christopher Plummer, Jordan Nagai, Bob Peterson, Delroy Lindo. Dir: Pete Docter.
After his wife’s death, an old man ties balloons to his house and goes on the adventure they never had. An irresistible, full-on charm offensive, with less weighty themes than Wall-E, Pixar has room to be more carefree and silly; a real heart warmer.
DDDDD
Hue & Cry (1947) Alastair Sim, Harry Fowler, Douglas Barr, Joan Dowling, Jack Warner. Dir: Charles Crichton.
A boy discovers crimes from his comic book being enacted in real life, but no one believes him. Superb boy’s adventure – fast paced, exciting, funny and smart. The story is original and the genuine post war London scenes are fascinating to see.
DDDDd
The Magnet (1950) Stephen Murray, Kay Walsh, James Fox. Dir: Charles Frend
A boy steals another child’s magnet, causing a chain of events that make him think the police are after him. A strong start, but this one peters out and unlike many Ealing films, it’s more for just kids. But it’s charming, something kids’ films today fail to be.
DDDd
It came from Hollywood (1982) Dan Aykroyd, John Candy, Cheech Marin, Tommy Chong. Dir: Malcolm Leo, Andrew Solt.
A mixture of film clips from low budget B movies, with linking sketches. Intermittently funny, but there’s no direction or any time devoted to the films themselves, which mostly remain unidentified. The linking material is completely forgettable.
DDD
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Happy New Year
A little late I know, but I had to take a short break away from writing anything borderline meaningful. It’s not much fun working in retail in the run up to Christmas, even when you’re selling sex products and bizarre treatments (nipple enhancement pump anyone?).
I went back to Stoke for Christmas; it was covered in snow so it looked all right for a change, and it was good at least for London detoxing (it’s not expensive, most people are friendly and not everyone in a hurry acts like a c**t). Had Christmas at my brothers instead of my Mum’s under the pretence that Al likes to cook and that it means she can relax. The real reason is that Mum cooks bloody everything in the microwave and doesn’t seem to understand that even though it says it has an oven function stuff cooked in a microwave tastes like crap. Who knew the menopause could do such damage to tastebuds.
After a pleasant day I then took up a spot on my Mum’s sofa and sat there for three days and watched television – film reviews to follow.
The enforced fun of New Year’s took place at the Irish Society Club in Reading, which surprisingly had no one there who was Irish, although there were quite a few people there I wouldn’t want to sit next to on a bus.*
Alas now it’s all over and I’m back to work and thoroughly hating it as normal. However there are some bright(ish) clouds on the horizon. Firstly, I’m going to spend a week visiting the offices in India (free trip!!!) and secondly, equally exciting, I’m going to hire myself an assistant in the next couple of weeks. The official title is Content Editor, although unofficially the title is Content Bitch.
You can apply here if you’re interested at all.
Phobia of the day:
Triskaidekaphobia – the fear of the number 13.
*there were some perfectly normal nice people there too of course, I don’t want to be rude to the generous people who bought me drinks.
I went back to Stoke for Christmas; it was covered in snow so it looked all right for a change, and it was good at least for London detoxing (it’s not expensive, most people are friendly and not everyone in a hurry acts like a c**t). Had Christmas at my brothers instead of my Mum’s under the pretence that Al likes to cook and that it means she can relax. The real reason is that Mum cooks bloody everything in the microwave and doesn’t seem to understand that even though it says it has an oven function stuff cooked in a microwave tastes like crap. Who knew the menopause could do such damage to tastebuds.
After a pleasant day I then took up a spot on my Mum’s sofa and sat there for three days and watched television – film reviews to follow.
The enforced fun of New Year’s took place at the Irish Society Club in Reading, which surprisingly had no one there who was Irish, although there were quite a few people there I wouldn’t want to sit next to on a bus.*
Alas now it’s all over and I’m back to work and thoroughly hating it as normal. However there are some bright(ish) clouds on the horizon. Firstly, I’m going to spend a week visiting the offices in India (free trip!!!) and secondly, equally exciting, I’m going to hire myself an assistant in the next couple of weeks. The official title is Content Editor, although unofficially the title is Content Bitch.
You can apply here if you’re interested at all.
Phobia of the day:
Triskaidekaphobia – the fear of the number 13.
*there were some perfectly normal nice people there too of course, I don’t want to be rude to the generous people who bought me drinks.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
6 reasons why vampires are shite
I've been rather busy at work in the run up to Christmas, hence the blogging draught. However, there's always time for hate, which is why, in the light of the bloody awful teen vampire cak around at the moment, here are 6 reasons why vampires are rubbish.
1, They have no reflection
So how come they always look so bloody stylish? The smart haircuts, the perfectly tailored outfits; how the hell are they doing that? Is siring a beautician and stylist the first thing that every vampire does as soon as they become undead? That and robbing the first branch of Boots for a supply of eye liner? Vampires are supposed to be tough, but they always they’ve just stepped out of a Next catalogue.
2, They’re homeless people
There’s not an abundance of castles around, and not many large crypts at your local church yard either, so exactly where are these vampires living? It’s not like that they can afford a flat, where are they going to work? All night Tesco? It’s quite hard to work when you’re dead, you’ll find it hard to get a P45 or a tax code; the only thing you can do is turn to begging or petty crime, and that’s not so cool if it’s your bag that gets nicked.
3, They’re practically paedophiles
Why is it that most vampires, decades, even millennia old, are always going after girls who are barely, if not even, legal? Mortal men who do such things get put on a register and get bricks through their window, but suddenly, once you dead, it’s perfectly find, positively romantic
I know men are prone to like teenage girls, but why would they want to spend time with them? Do you know how boring teenage girls are? A vampire who’s lived for a hundred years is hardly going to be interested in the latest phone apps, the new episode of HollyOaks or how like totally deep the new My Chemical Romance album is.
4, They’re rapists
If a man gets a girl drunk and sleeps with her, or gives her rohipnol and sleeps with her, then that’s rape. But if a vampire seduces a women using mesmerism after lurking outside and coming into her bedroom window, then he’s all mysterious and elegant and dangerous in a good, non criminal way.
5, Loving a vampire is necrophilia
Yeah - they’re dead! Getting with a vampire is basically the same as getting with a corpse. Sure, they’re a bit more animated, but they have no body heat, because they have no blood flow, which not only makes them pasty and pale, but also leads to my next point...
6, They’re impotent
Do you know how men get an erection? It caused by an increase of blood flow into the penile tissue, which causes the penis to become engorged, and therefore, erect. So with no heart beat, and no blood being pumped through them, how on earth is a vampire going to get it up? Sorry girls, but if one of these undead paedophiles does try to get it on with you, it’s going to be a bit disappointing.
1, They have no reflection
So how come they always look so bloody stylish? The smart haircuts, the perfectly tailored outfits; how the hell are they doing that? Is siring a beautician and stylist the first thing that every vampire does as soon as they become undead? That and robbing the first branch of Boots for a supply of eye liner? Vampires are supposed to be tough, but they always they’ve just stepped out of a Next catalogue.
2, They’re homeless people
There’s not an abundance of castles around, and not many large crypts at your local church yard either, so exactly where are these vampires living? It’s not like that they can afford a flat, where are they going to work? All night Tesco? It’s quite hard to work when you’re dead, you’ll find it hard to get a P45 or a tax code; the only thing you can do is turn to begging or petty crime, and that’s not so cool if it’s your bag that gets nicked.
3, They’re practically paedophiles
Why is it that most vampires, decades, even millennia old, are always going after girls who are barely, if not even, legal? Mortal men who do such things get put on a register and get bricks through their window, but suddenly, once you dead, it’s perfectly find, positively romantic
I know men are prone to like teenage girls, but why would they want to spend time with them? Do you know how boring teenage girls are? A vampire who’s lived for a hundred years is hardly going to be interested in the latest phone apps, the new episode of HollyOaks or how like totally deep the new My Chemical Romance album is.
4, They’re rapists
If a man gets a girl drunk and sleeps with her, or gives her rohipnol and sleeps with her, then that’s rape. But if a vampire seduces a women using mesmerism after lurking outside and coming into her bedroom window, then he’s all mysterious and elegant and dangerous in a good, non criminal way.
5, Loving a vampire is necrophilia
Yeah - they’re dead! Getting with a vampire is basically the same as getting with a corpse. Sure, they’re a bit more animated, but they have no body heat, because they have no blood flow, which not only makes them pasty and pale, but also leads to my next point...
6, They’re impotent
Do you know how men get an erection? It caused by an increase of blood flow into the penile tissue, which causes the penis to become engorged, and therefore, erect. So with no heart beat, and no blood being pumped through them, how on earth is a vampire going to get it up? Sorry girls, but if one of these undead paedophiles does try to get it on with you, it’s going to be a bit disappointing.
Sunday, December 06, 2009
October/November Films
HThe Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (2009): Heath Ledger, Christopher Plummer, Tom Waits, Lily Cole, Verne Troyer, Andrew Garfield. Dir: Terry Gilliam.
Plummer is an immortal master of a portal to the imagination, but a deal with the devil could cost him his daughter. Quintessential Gilliam, the visuals have his dazzling individual touch, but the details of the plot are confusing and not always easy to comprehend. Multiple viewings may well help.
DDDD
300 (2007) Gerard Butler, Lena Headey, Dominic West, David Wenham. Dir: Zack Snyder.
300 brave Spartans go up against the demonic Persian army. A film that makes He-Man look profound. The action and violence is dazzlingly realised but quickly becomes monotonous and incessant. Fans of bad dialogue and big men in pants will get the most out of it.
DDd
Hail the Conquering Hero (1944) Eddie Bracken, Ella Raines, William Demarest. Dir: Preston Sturges.
A young soldier returning from the war is hailed as a hero, even though he was discharged before even shipping out. Smart and sharp comedy about the nature of hero worship. Fast paced and well performed, they just don’t make em like this anymore.
DDDDd
Nosferatu (1922) Max Schreck, Gustav von Wangenheim, Greta Schröder, Alexander Granach. Dir: F.W. Murnau.
Legendary illegal adaptation of Bram Stoker’s classic. Brilliantly realised with its sinister shadows and creepy sets, it may no longer terrify, but it’s striking scenes unforgettable. The gruesome depiction of the Count is refreshingly original, so far from today’s bland teenage bunch.
DDDDDd
The Brides of Dracula (1960) Peter Cushing, Martita Hunt, Yvonne Monlaur, David Peel. Dir: Terence Fisher.
Having vanquished Dracula, Van Helsing comes to the aid of a woman who is being pursued by a handsome vampire. One of Hammer’s best; well paced, with some good characters and a few nasty twists. Cushing is in particularly dynamic good form; only Lee is missing, Peel doesn’t cut it.
DDDD
Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix (2007) Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson, Michael Gambon, Imelda Staunton, Gary Oldman. Dir: David Yates.
As Voldemort gathers his forces, Harry is left persecuted from all corners and unable to fight. The most satisfying of the Potter films to date; the adaptation is superior, feeling less obviously paired down from a lengthier work. The darker themes are engaging, the characters strong and the finale impressive.
DDDDd
Macbeth (1948) Orson Welles, Jeanette Nolan, Dan O'Herlihy, Roddy McDowall. Dir: Orson Welles.
Shot in 3 weeks and for little money; Welles’ version is condensed, the speeches long but rushed through, making it hard to follow. Some of the acting is uneven. But the mist filled, foreboding sets and grim shadows give the film a sense of dark spectacle and power that is unmatched in other adaptations.
DDDd
Plummer is an immortal master of a portal to the imagination, but a deal with the devil could cost him his daughter. Quintessential Gilliam, the visuals have his dazzling individual touch, but the details of the plot are confusing and not always easy to comprehend. Multiple viewings may well help.
DDDD
300 (2007) Gerard Butler, Lena Headey, Dominic West, David Wenham. Dir: Zack Snyder.
300 brave Spartans go up against the demonic Persian army. A film that makes He-Man look profound. The action and violence is dazzlingly realised but quickly becomes monotonous and incessant. Fans of bad dialogue and big men in pants will get the most out of it.
DDd
Hail the Conquering Hero (1944) Eddie Bracken, Ella Raines, William Demarest. Dir: Preston Sturges.
A young soldier returning from the war is hailed as a hero, even though he was discharged before even shipping out. Smart and sharp comedy about the nature of hero worship. Fast paced and well performed, they just don’t make em like this anymore.
DDDDd
Nosferatu (1922) Max Schreck, Gustav von Wangenheim, Greta Schröder, Alexander Granach. Dir: F.W. Murnau.
Legendary illegal adaptation of Bram Stoker’s classic. Brilliantly realised with its sinister shadows and creepy sets, it may no longer terrify, but it’s striking scenes unforgettable. The gruesome depiction of the Count is refreshingly original, so far from today’s bland teenage bunch.
DDDDDd
The Brides of Dracula (1960) Peter Cushing, Martita Hunt, Yvonne Monlaur, David Peel. Dir: Terence Fisher.
Having vanquished Dracula, Van Helsing comes to the aid of a woman who is being pursued by a handsome vampire. One of Hammer’s best; well paced, with some good characters and a few nasty twists. Cushing is in particularly dynamic good form; only Lee is missing, Peel doesn’t cut it.
DDDD
Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix (2007) Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson, Michael Gambon, Imelda Staunton, Gary Oldman. Dir: David Yates.
As Voldemort gathers his forces, Harry is left persecuted from all corners and unable to fight. The most satisfying of the Potter films to date; the adaptation is superior, feeling less obviously paired down from a lengthier work. The darker themes are engaging, the characters strong and the finale impressive.
DDDDd
Macbeth (1948) Orson Welles, Jeanette Nolan, Dan O'Herlihy, Roddy McDowall. Dir: Orson Welles.
Shot in 3 weeks and for little money; Welles’ version is condensed, the speeches long but rushed through, making it hard to follow. Some of the acting is uneven. But the mist filled, foreboding sets and grim shadows give the film a sense of dark spectacle and power that is unmatched in other adaptations.
DDDd
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Sponsor my tache
Yes, I have grown a moustache for charity. It’s rather fetching I think you’ll agree. I’ve been described as now looking like a gypsy fist fighter, and, when I’m wearing my hat, as a 19th century sex offender.
Anyway, besides just trying it for the sake of trying it, I’m doing this for charity. Specifically, for The Prostate Cancer Charity. So please donate generously by clicking here and by hitting donate – not only to advance the treatment of this condition, but also to acknowledge that my moustache is way better than anyone else’s at work by helping me to raise more money than anyone else.
Please be generous.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
So then I moved...
Essentially yes, I found a place, set a date, notified those Bairstow Eves bastards, and left. They put up no fight; just let me know how much I still owed them. I alas, have had to pay because otherwise I get a nasty red mark on my credit history that will f**k me up whenever I rent in the future, or should I attempt at some point to attempt to get a mortgage*.
They of course are denying me any financial compensation for letting a property which contravened housing regulations and are not taking any responsibility for doing so. I shall in due course be taking action against them with trading standards and other regulatory bodies in the coming weeks. Any progress will of course be reported.
My new property is much nicer, bigger, though more pricey, although I haven’t figured out how to put the heating on a timer yet, and if it comes on randomly at night (which it does) it makes too much of a f**king racket for me to be able to sleep. Other than that, pretty damn nice all in all.
Anyway, moving has of course meant the disconnection of my internet so further blogging will remain scarce for another week or more. But believe me, once I’m back online I will be back with a vengeance - oh yes.... a vengeance.
*I aiming for the year 2020, maybe 2022 to save up more for the deposit.
They of course are denying me any financial compensation for letting a property which contravened housing regulations and are not taking any responsibility for doing so. I shall in due course be taking action against them with trading standards and other regulatory bodies in the coming weeks. Any progress will of course be reported.
My new property is much nicer, bigger, though more pricey, although I haven’t figured out how to put the heating on a timer yet, and if it comes on randomly at night (which it does) it makes too much of a f**king racket for me to be able to sleep. Other than that, pretty damn nice all in all.
Anyway, moving has of course meant the disconnection of my internet so further blogging will remain scarce for another week or more. But believe me, once I’m back online I will be back with a vengeance - oh yes.... a vengeance.
*I aiming for the year 2020, maybe 2022 to save up more for the deposit.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
I responded thus....
Dear Kelly,
Although I am glad that the landlady has finally decided to take some action, I resent the notion that this is an act of ‘good will’. THE PROPERTY SHOULD HAVE BEEN CLEANED BEFORE I MOVED IN!
I find it absolutely staggering that a high-street estate agent can be so complacent in letting a property which is so obviously below an acceptable standard of cleanliness. The inventory that was performed prior to me moving in mentions the word soiled 9 times, dusty 5 times, dirty 6 times, mouldy 6 times, scuffed 3 times, damp twice and grubby once, and this was before the furniture was taken out, revealing more serious damp. In my last letter I asked you and the landlady to look at the pictures I sent back with inventory and to ask yourselves whether you would be happy to live in a property in this condition. You have not responded to this question, which is very conspicuous.
Employing a cleaner to ‘attempt’ to clean ‘some’ of the areas is totally unacceptable. It is the landlady’s responsibility to take care of this problem. Even though the damp has been described as ‘condensation’ I would still be well in my rights to report the property to the environmental health department if it were not removed.
I am tired of this farce. I have now decided to vacate 6 Johnstone Court. However, before I move out I want my agency fees refunded in full. I moved into the property in good faith. Bairstow Eves Lettings let the property, despite the comments in the inventory relating to dirt, mould and damp, thus violating housing regulations and potentially putting my health at risk. You then offered a truly abysmal level of customer service by ignoring my phone calls and emails for two months, further putting my health at risk, and then only responding to my complaints until after I stopped paying rent. If all my fees are returned, then I will pay all outstanding arrears, unless of course you do consider this to an acceptable way for an estate agent to fulfil their responsibilities. If not, then an apology would also be appropriate.
Regards,
David Nixon
Although I am glad that the landlady has finally decided to take some action, I resent the notion that this is an act of ‘good will’. THE PROPERTY SHOULD HAVE BEEN CLEANED BEFORE I MOVED IN!
I find it absolutely staggering that a high-street estate agent can be so complacent in letting a property which is so obviously below an acceptable standard of cleanliness. The inventory that was performed prior to me moving in mentions the word soiled 9 times, dusty 5 times, dirty 6 times, mouldy 6 times, scuffed 3 times, damp twice and grubby once, and this was before the furniture was taken out, revealing more serious damp. In my last letter I asked you and the landlady to look at the pictures I sent back with inventory and to ask yourselves whether you would be happy to live in a property in this condition. You have not responded to this question, which is very conspicuous.
Employing a cleaner to ‘attempt’ to clean ‘some’ of the areas is totally unacceptable. It is the landlady’s responsibility to take care of this problem. Even though the damp has been described as ‘condensation’ I would still be well in my rights to report the property to the environmental health department if it were not removed.
I am tired of this farce. I have now decided to vacate 6 Johnstone Court. However, before I move out I want my agency fees refunded in full. I moved into the property in good faith. Bairstow Eves Lettings let the property, despite the comments in the inventory relating to dirt, mould and damp, thus violating housing regulations and potentially putting my health at risk. You then offered a truly abysmal level of customer service by ignoring my phone calls and emails for two months, further putting my health at risk, and then only responding to my complaints until after I stopped paying rent. If all my fees are returned, then I will pay all outstanding arrears, unless of course you do consider this to an acceptable way for an estate agent to fulfil their responsibilities. If not, then an apology would also be appropriate.
Regards,
David Nixon
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Now this is what they're saying....
Dear Mr Nixon
Further to our recent correspondence, please find attached the results of the damp inspection recently carried out at the above property by Atlas Timber Preservation Ltd.
The report states that there is no damp in the property and that the black spots present are formed from condensation
We have reported the above to the Landlord and she has agreed that, as a gesture of good will, on receipt of the rental being brought up to date, she will either instruct a cleaner to attempt to clean some of the worst affected areas or will contribute £50.00 towards the cost of decorating materials upon receipts being provided.
Should you choose to redecorate yourself the work must be done to a professional standard and the colours must be in a neutral shade.
However should you still decide you would like to vacate the property you will need to confirm to us in writing and the landlord will release you from the contract. Please note that should you decide to vacate the property we will not make any charges to you for breaking the contract early.
Lastly, if you decide to remain at the property we would ask that you please bring your arrears up to date with immediate effect and also reinstate the standing order, as per the terms of your tenancy agreement.
Yours sincerely,
Kelly.
Further to our recent correspondence, please find attached the results of the damp inspection recently carried out at the above property by Atlas Timber Preservation Ltd.
The report states that there is no damp in the property and that the black spots present are formed from condensation
We have reported the above to the Landlord and she has agreed that, as a gesture of good will, on receipt of the rental being brought up to date, she will either instruct a cleaner to attempt to clean some of the worst affected areas or will contribute £50.00 towards the cost of decorating materials upon receipts being provided.
Should you choose to redecorate yourself the work must be done to a professional standard and the colours must be in a neutral shade.
However should you still decide you would like to vacate the property you will need to confirm to us in writing and the landlord will release you from the contract. Please note that should you decide to vacate the property we will not make any charges to you for breaking the contract early.
Lastly, if you decide to remain at the property we would ask that you please bring your arrears up to date with immediate effect and also reinstate the standing order, as per the terms of your tenancy agreement.
Yours sincerely,
Kelly.
Sunday, October 04, 2009
September Films
1The Thousand Eyes of Dr Mabuse (1960) Dawn Addams, Peter van Eyck, Gert Fröbe, Werner Peters, Wolfgang Preiss. Dir: Fritz Lang
A series of murders link back to a hotel and the long dead criminal mastermind Dr Mabuse. Not as relevant or as striking as Lang’s previous Mabuse movies, but still provides solid and memorable entertainment, although it’s hard to make sense of it.
DDDd
In the Loop (2009) Tom Hollander, James Gandolfini, Chris Addison, Peter Capaldi. Dir: Armanda Ianucci.
A dithering minister makes the wrong comment on the radio and ends up a key player in the run up to war. Extremely funny and witty satire which although OTT, has more than a whiff of truth about it. Dialogue and performances both top-notch.
DDDDd
1984 (1984) John Hurt, Richard Burton, Suzanna Hamilton. Dir: Michael Radford.
In a dystopian future an unexceptional worker rebels, but is crushed by the state. Suitably grimey version of the novel that sticks closely to the text. Hurt is ideal as the sullen looking lead, but characterisation is rather lacking and Smith’s fantasising is a little out of place and confusing.
DDDD
The Wrong Man (1956) Henry Fonda, Vera Miles, Anthony Quayle. Dir Alfred Hitchcock
True story of a mild mannered bass player who is wrongly identified as the perpetrator of a number of robberies. Unusually serious and low-key Hitchcock thriller. Vera Miles is excellent and genuinely affecting as the unstable wife but Fonda too restrained and dull as the lead. Not bad, just ok.
DDDd
Stranger on the 3rd Floor (1940) Peter Lorre, John McGuire, Elisha Cook Jr. Dir: Boris Ingster
A reporter suffers doubts when his testimony convicts a young criminal, then he himself is wrongly accused of murder. Considered by some to be the first film noir, this is a B movie well above its station. Dream sequence is excellent; it is limited by its resources, but is intriguing viewing.
DDDD
The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (1988) John Neville, Sarah Polley, Eric Idle, Jonathan Pryce, Uma Thurman. Dir: Terry Gilliam
An elderly hero interrupts a play about himself to set the record straight and to resolve the war with the Turks. Brimming with creativity, so much so that it gets bogged down and drags. Hard not to admire, many sequences are dazzling, but it needs to get a move on.
DDDD
Public Enemies (2009) Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, Marion Coutillard, Billy Crudup. Dir: Micheal Mann.
The historically inaccurate story of John Dillinger. Stylish and generally very entertaining adventure, but it lacks something to set it apart from other films of its type. It may match the period visually, but says little about the times or the impact that Dillinger had upon them.
DDDd
Mesrine: Killer Instinct (2009) Vincent Cassel, Cecile De France, Gerard Depardieu, Gilles Lellouche. Dir: Jean-François Richet.
Part one of a two part biopic following the career of violent criminal Jacques Mesrine. An unglamorous and uncompromising portrayal of a vicious and callous man. It works hard to show him not as a hero, but as a vicious and cold-hearted killer, far from someone who should admired or respected.
DDDDd
A series of murders link back to a hotel and the long dead criminal mastermind Dr Mabuse. Not as relevant or as striking as Lang’s previous Mabuse movies, but still provides solid and memorable entertainment, although it’s hard to make sense of it.
DDDd
In the Loop (2009) Tom Hollander, James Gandolfini, Chris Addison, Peter Capaldi. Dir: Armanda Ianucci.
A dithering minister makes the wrong comment on the radio and ends up a key player in the run up to war. Extremely funny and witty satire which although OTT, has more than a whiff of truth about it. Dialogue and performances both top-notch.
DDDDd
1984 (1984) John Hurt, Richard Burton, Suzanna Hamilton. Dir: Michael Radford.
In a dystopian future an unexceptional worker rebels, but is crushed by the state. Suitably grimey version of the novel that sticks closely to the text. Hurt is ideal as the sullen looking lead, but characterisation is rather lacking and Smith’s fantasising is a little out of place and confusing.
DDDD
The Wrong Man (1956) Henry Fonda, Vera Miles, Anthony Quayle. Dir Alfred Hitchcock
True story of a mild mannered bass player who is wrongly identified as the perpetrator of a number of robberies. Unusually serious and low-key Hitchcock thriller. Vera Miles is excellent and genuinely affecting as the unstable wife but Fonda too restrained and dull as the lead. Not bad, just ok.
DDDd
Stranger on the 3rd Floor (1940) Peter Lorre, John McGuire, Elisha Cook Jr. Dir: Boris Ingster
A reporter suffers doubts when his testimony convicts a young criminal, then he himself is wrongly accused of murder. Considered by some to be the first film noir, this is a B movie well above its station. Dream sequence is excellent; it is limited by its resources, but is intriguing viewing.
DDDD
The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (1988) John Neville, Sarah Polley, Eric Idle, Jonathan Pryce, Uma Thurman. Dir: Terry Gilliam
An elderly hero interrupts a play about himself to set the record straight and to resolve the war with the Turks. Brimming with creativity, so much so that it gets bogged down and drags. Hard not to admire, many sequences are dazzling, but it needs to get a move on.
DDDD
Public Enemies (2009) Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, Marion Coutillard, Billy Crudup. Dir: Micheal Mann.
The historically inaccurate story of John Dillinger. Stylish and generally very entertaining adventure, but it lacks something to set it apart from other films of its type. It may match the period visually, but says little about the times or the impact that Dillinger had upon them.
DDDd
Mesrine: Killer Instinct (2009) Vincent Cassel, Cecile De France, Gerard Depardieu, Gilles Lellouche. Dir: Jean-François Richet.
Part one of a two part biopic following the career of violent criminal Jacques Mesrine. An unglamorous and uncompromising portrayal of a vicious and callous man. It works hard to show him not as a hero, but as a vicious and cold-hearted killer, far from someone who should admired or respected.
DDDDd
Monday, September 28, 2009
And my response was...
Dear Kelly
RE: 6 Johnstone Court
I appreciate that withholding the rent is against the tenancy agreement. However, as I pointed out in my previous letter, the damp in the flat contravenes the Housing Act 2004. The damp was noted in the inventory, but this was ignored, clearly someone either working for or on behalf of Bairstow Eves thought it simply did not matter, yet you now you write to me asking me to fulfil my obligations.
I am pleased that you have contacted Atlas to inspect the damp and I have arranged for them to visit the property on Tuesday the 15th September. This action, however, is only being taken because I have withheld the rent. When I was paying my rent, staff at Bairstow Eves were quite happy to not return my calls and ignore my emails. If Atlas do recommend action, what guarantee have I that their recommendations will be followed? If I could trust the Bairstow Eves East Croydon Lettings office to take action, I would happily pay the rent; however, experience has taught me that I cannot.
In regard to the Landlady’s comments, I am not asking for the flat to be painted or decorated. I am asking for it to be cleaned and to be cleaned properly, which is quite different. I was not aware that any deal had taken place to allow me to rent the property at a lower price on the condition no work was done on the interior. There is certainly no mention of it in the contract. Had I have known of such a condition, I would certainly not have expected it to extend to accepting the flat with dirt and damp on walls and would not have accepted the offer if I did.
This is not the first property I have rented. The properties I have rented before were clean and presented in a good condition when I moved in. I do not see why this property should be any different. The laissez-faire attitude and low standards of service offered by Bairstow Eves lettings have been extremely disappointing. I suggest that you view the pictures I sent back with the inventory and if possible share them with the landlady. I would then ask you both to consider the pictures and to ask yourselves honestly whether you would be happy to move into a property presented in such a condition.
I would certainly consider the landlady’s offer to release me from the contract, but I would only consider vacating the property if the agency fees I paid were refunded in full.
I would appreciate it if you would forward a copy of this letter onto the landlady.
Kind regards,
David Nixon.
RE: 6 Johnstone Court
I appreciate that withholding the rent is against the tenancy agreement. However, as I pointed out in my previous letter, the damp in the flat contravenes the Housing Act 2004. The damp was noted in the inventory, but this was ignored, clearly someone either working for or on behalf of Bairstow Eves thought it simply did not matter, yet you now you write to me asking me to fulfil my obligations.
I am pleased that you have contacted Atlas to inspect the damp and I have arranged for them to visit the property on Tuesday the 15th September. This action, however, is only being taken because I have withheld the rent. When I was paying my rent, staff at Bairstow Eves were quite happy to not return my calls and ignore my emails. If Atlas do recommend action, what guarantee have I that their recommendations will be followed? If I could trust the Bairstow Eves East Croydon Lettings office to take action, I would happily pay the rent; however, experience has taught me that I cannot.
In regard to the Landlady’s comments, I am not asking for the flat to be painted or decorated. I am asking for it to be cleaned and to be cleaned properly, which is quite different. I was not aware that any deal had taken place to allow me to rent the property at a lower price on the condition no work was done on the interior. There is certainly no mention of it in the contract. Had I have known of such a condition, I would certainly not have expected it to extend to accepting the flat with dirt and damp on walls and would not have accepted the offer if I did.
This is not the first property I have rented. The properties I have rented before were clean and presented in a good condition when I moved in. I do not see why this property should be any different. The laissez-faire attitude and low standards of service offered by Bairstow Eves lettings have been extremely disappointing. I suggest that you view the pictures I sent back with the inventory and if possible share them with the landlady. I would then ask you both to consider the pictures and to ask yourselves honestly whether you would be happy to move into a property presented in such a condition.
I would certainly consider the landlady’s offer to release me from the contract, but I would only consider vacating the property if the agency fees I paid were refunded in full.
I would appreciate it if you would forward a copy of this letter onto the landlady.
Kind regards,
David Nixon.
Monday, September 21, 2009
And so they said....
Dear Mr Nixon,
Thank you for your letter dated 6th September.
We would like to advise that by withholding your rental payment you are in fact in breach of your tenancy agreement and would therefore request that payment be made without delay.
Further more we would like to advise that we have instructed a damp specialist company called Atlas Timber to contact you directly for an appointment to visit the property and investigate the problems you have reported and then come back to us with their findings.
We have informed the landlady of the above and also copied your letter to her. Your landlady has asked us to highlight to you that she made if very clear before the tenancy commenced that she was not in a position to offer any redecoration but did fact accept a much lower rental to reflect this. She has also confirmed that she has given her permission for you to decorate the flat at your own expense providing the colours are kept neutral and the work is done to a professional standard.
Your landlady has confirmed to us that she would be happy to release you from the contract immediate effect should you wish to vacate. If this is the case please confirm in writing to us.
Yours sincerely
Kelly....
Thank you for your letter dated 6th September.
We would like to advise that by withholding your rental payment you are in fact in breach of your tenancy agreement and would therefore request that payment be made without delay.
Further more we would like to advise that we have instructed a damp specialist company called Atlas Timber to contact you directly for an appointment to visit the property and investigate the problems you have reported and then come back to us with their findings.
We have informed the landlady of the above and also copied your letter to her. Your landlady has asked us to highlight to you that she made if very clear before the tenancy commenced that she was not in a position to offer any redecoration but did fact accept a much lower rental to reflect this. She has also confirmed that she has given her permission for you to decorate the flat at your own expense providing the colours are kept neutral and the work is done to a professional standard.
Your landlady has confirmed to us that she would be happy to release you from the contract immediate effect should you wish to vacate. If this is the case please confirm in writing to us.
Yours sincerely
Kelly....
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
My response was as follows...
Dear Louise
RE: 6 Johnstone Court
I received a letter this week signed by you requesting the payment of overdue rent. You know full well why the rent has not been paid for 6 Johnstone Court. I have been requesting help from yourself and other members of the Bairstow Eves staff for over 2 months now in the hope of resolving the poor cleanliness issues within this property, yet little or no action has been taken. I have been forced therefore to withhold the rent as I have been left in no doubt that no action will be taken unless there is a financial incentive.
Furthermore, I am also writing to inform you that I intend to report the property and the landlady to the Department of Environmental Health and the Trading Stands Authority as the damp within contravenes the Housing Act 2004 and could also be a potential health and safety risk.
Yours sincerely,
David Nixon
RE: 6 Johnstone Court
I received a letter this week signed by you requesting the payment of overdue rent. You know full well why the rent has not been paid for 6 Johnstone Court. I have been requesting help from yourself and other members of the Bairstow Eves staff for over 2 months now in the hope of resolving the poor cleanliness issues within this property, yet little or no action has been taken. I have been forced therefore to withhold the rent as I have been left in no doubt that no action will be taken unless there is a financial incentive.
Furthermore, I am also writing to inform you that I intend to report the property and the landlady to the Department of Environmental Health and the Trading Stands Authority as the damp within contravenes the Housing Act 2004 and could also be a potential health and safety risk.
Yours sincerely,
David Nixon
Friday, September 04, 2009
After some weeks, I received this letter....
Dear Mr Nixon
RENT REMINDER
Outstanding Arrears: £600.10*
Due: 20th August 2009
PLEASE REMIT BY RETURN
We regret to inform you that your rent is now overdue and would request that the outstanding amount is paid immediately and that all future rental payments are made on the due dates.
If these arrears are not paid, further action will be taken against you which could result in you incurring additional costs and an administration fee of £25.00 plus VAT per letter.
If you have already forwarded payment to us within the last few days, please disregard this letter and we apologise for troubling you.
Yours sincerely
Louise
* It’s actually £625. Can’t even get that right...
RENT REMINDER
Outstanding Arrears: £600.10*
Due: 20th August 2009
PLEASE REMIT BY RETURN
We regret to inform you that your rent is now overdue and would request that the outstanding amount is paid immediately and that all future rental payments are made on the due dates.
If these arrears are not paid, further action will be taken against you which could result in you incurring additional costs and an administration fee of £25.00 plus VAT per letter.
If you have already forwarded payment to us within the last few days, please disregard this letter and we apologise for troubling you.
Yours sincerely
Louise
* It’s actually £625. Can’t even get that right...
About Me
- Dave Paul Nixon
is a writer for better and for worse. I got in above my station writing for M&S, but was credit crunched down to writing about sex toys, Viagra and herpes meds. I’m now taking a step back towards legitimacy by writing for JML Direct. I’m awkward and don’t like much.
