I find the irony of this article both amusing and depressing. It's not only like the pot calling the kettle black, it's like the pot calling the kettle a black, untalented has-bean.

Of course both acts have done lots of crack, so that's what clearly makes them rock 'n' roll.

Interview with John Lewis on this coming Tuesday. It'd better work out, because the only other option so far is an interview with an as yet unnamed electronics retailer that's based up in Hemel Hempstead, which is bloody miles away, and there'd be no pay rise.

I'm also interviewing the people who directed this film after the interview at JL on Tuesday. I hear it's Oscar shortlisted now.

Quite A Mouthful

Got an interview with John Lewis next week for what seems to be exactly the same job. And they're M&S's closest rival, oh yes, if I get the job, they will be crushed!

The Progress So Far

...Yeah there's not really been any. The recruiters who've at least kindly taken the time to actually speak to me, have been very nice and positive about my experience, but have said that I'll probably struggle to find any work until next year.

So I'm on a none paid holiday until next year. I think I'm going to spend it eating crumpets and becoming an alcoholic.

After I've been to Germany this weekend. Finally going abroad and I can't even afford it now. F*****g typical.

Click here to find out more about Russian master surgeon Serge Voronoff.

And here to read my latest album review.

Bitten by the Credit Crunch

I was confident about my job. Felt I was secure; the website was the only area of the business that was doing well and that I was making myself very useful. I was the only one of the copy team who knew anything about technology, and as technology sales were up by more than 100%, I knew I was making a positive contribution to the site.

I was very confident about my job - right up until I entered the office, was sat down and told that my contract was being terminated.

Why? Well they're cutting costs all over the company, and they used to get by with only three copywriters and now they have four. And as clothing is more high profile, and no doubt has a bigger profit margin, who should go? The menswear copywriter, the womenswear copywriter, or the homeware/technology copywriter? And I would've been there a year in a few weeks and become entitled to benefits too - another way to save money.

So I need another job. Anyone need anything writing?

Oh and they've put my rent up, so if it paid more that would be nice too.

Damn Reality!

I had a good week on the stock exchange this week. I shrewd investment in Coffee Republic paid off big when there stocks value exploded, earning me a over £100,000, causing my portfolio to rise in value by 104%.

Was I happy, yeah a little, unfortunately this investment was in fantasy shares on the bullbearings website. My real investments, my money in an HSBC share saver account, they're... well they're not doing so good. Not very good at all...

I hate reality.

On an unrelated subject, I don't think I'm doing enough to promote my other writerly wares*.

Here's an album review I made

And a film review

Best Fact I Learnt Today The man who invented the Dolby sound system is called Ray Dolby.

Best Headline of the Day...

Too Soon To Take Advantage?

Visit To Ireland

I went to Ireland recently, here are some pictures that I took.

Went over on the ferry.


Some bridge or other...


Can't remember who these people were.


Dunno what this is.


One of Ireland's many statues that makes you feel really bad about being English.


Apparently they have beaches in Ireland too.


The famous Dublin spike


We went to several of these pub places.


Would've pushed him over, but he owed me money.


Oh and we passed that station with the long name on the way back.

Right Poster, Wrong Station

Recently Seen Movies

The Dark Knight (2008) Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Gary Oldman, Aaron Echhart, Maggie Gyllenhal. Dir: Christopher Nolan

Batman and DA Dent’s crusade against the mob is disrupted by the Joker. It’s lengthy and the continuing Batman beats Joker, Joker pulls rug from under him, plot is a little wearying. But it’s powerful and gripping, with top notch performances and fascinating themes of good and evil , order and chaos.

DDDDD

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army (2008) Ron Perlman, Selma Blair, Doug Jones, Seth McFarlane. Dir: Guillemo Del Toro

Hellboy must stop an elf prince who’s trying to awaken an invincible army. The anti-thesis of the Dark Knight – shallow, two-dimensional and showy. The old characters motives are frequently questionable, the new characters barely drawn out, and the plot feels like it was made up as they went along.

DDD

Donnie Brasco (1997) Johnny Depp, Al Pacino, Micheal Madson, Anne Heche. Dir Mike Newell

An undercover FBI agent struggles to stay detached from his new life amongst the mob. Solid gangster thriller that shows the mob without glamour. Pacino excellent as the lifelong, slightly pathetic gangster, and Depp on top form as the cop who crosses the line and struggles to find his way back.

DDDD

Oliver Twist (1947) Alec Guinness, Robert Newton, Francis L Sullivan, John Howard Davies. Dir: David Lean

Dicken’s classic tale of an orphan caught who escapes and orphanage and joins a gang of pick-pockets. Stylistic and dynamic, every shot is perfectly framed, the action always exciting, and the dark smokey streets perfectly echoing the period. A tour-de-force on both sides of the camera.

DDDDD

The Vengeance of She (1968) John Richardson, Olinka Berova, Edward Judd, Colin Blakely. Dir: Cliff Owen

The sequel to Hammer’s She, the now immortal ... discovers the reincarnation of his former love. Being blonde and attractive is not enough to encourage the audience into caring what happens to a character. It’s also very dull, which never helps.

DD

Royal Holloway, University of London

After four years plus away, I decided to bite the bullet and face my past – I returned to Royal Holloway, University of London. The place where, seven years ago, I embarked on a three year odyssey of Media Arts, a degree which, four years later, I have still yet to put to any practical use whatsoever.

It was a strange experience, did I feel nostalgic? All fuzzy inside for drunken nights out, house parties, essay writing all nighters and crazy, crazy pranks? Err, not really, it was more a sense of bitterness, mixed with an unhealthy amount of loathing.

Mostly infuriating, it has how much nicer the whole place looks. Huge new residential blocks have been erected, with glorious modern kitchens, double beds and large spacious bathrooms (several residential blocks were condemned the year I left). In fact the buildings where I spent my final year are now amongst the worst on campus, and also where I would now be housed if I were to return there as a postgrad.

Security is still top notch. The main university building is Founders Hall, a stunning building (just on the outside, not so good if you live in it), a building which has at least, off the top of my head, six doors on the outside, and ten more from the two courtyards . Only one of these doors has a security window. All these doors are open from 8 in the morning till 8 at night. So it’s pretty easy to walk right in. All the bedroom doors were open to, granted there’s no one staying there at the moment, but had I wanted to pinch a bit of cheap furniture, there was nowt to stop me.

All the bathrooms remained unrefurbished, still just six toilets to provide for a floor of 70+ plus rooms. Still probably aren’t cleaned during the weekend, which made always them nice to visit on Saturday morning, and even nicer Sunday morning. I remember the time I found a begger asleep in one of the cubicles – love that security.

Student Union is apparently even worse than it used to be. Once upon a time Radiohead played, there. It was one of only two places Bill Hicks played at in England. When I was there, who did they have? The Cheeky Girls, half of garage group the Artful Dodger and Bubble from Big Brother (twice). But there were lots of RNB nights, and lots of dress up theme nights, even more now...

While there, I always generally got the impression, that as a student, I was the least important person there. Somehow, I doubt that’s changed. I always be bitter at just how shit the student life was and just how generally alienating it felt just to be there. It was a good thing I made a lot of really good friends or else I’d have pretty much wasted a lot of my time.

Oh well, Egham’s got five charity shops now. That makes it 40% more worth visiting than it used to be.

Shelley Von Strunckel’s Pearl O’ Wisdom of the Week:

Knowing that others would misunderstand tricky situations, you said nothing. Having learnt about your behind-the-scenes manoeuvres, certain individuals are now upset. Even if you’ve nothing to apologise for, simply say you’re sorry. This will heal wounded egos and allow everyone to move on?

I think she been watching The West Wing again...

David's Week Off

So I’ve had this last week off. Nine whole days away from work, it was wonderful...

Shame I didn’t go anywhere, but as I live in London now, I decided I would have a week of ‘fun’ and try to enjoy the many wonders and activities that the city has to offer. It was a fun time, I went to the Notting Hill Carnival, where I learnt a valuable lesson – don’t go to the Notting Hill Carnival, went to the Comedy Store where I learnt just how much my brother can drink and how quickly he can get it down him.

This is a quick account of some of the places I visited. There are pictures to go with places that I remembered to take my camera to.

The Tower of London
Pricey (£17.50!) but not too bad for the money. There’s regular short tours which were worth listening to, several small museums to visit. Me and my brother spent three hours there and could’ve spent longer – there was a museum that cost another pound to get in, naturally we weren’t having any of that.

Spamalot
Sanjeev Bhaskar wasn’t playing the King that evening, and we were sat so far back and so high up... But it was very funny, not just all jokes from the film, there were plenty of new gags, with a new plot (not that it was very important) and some great songs that send up all the bad musical clichés. A great night out.

Return Visit to Royal Holloway University
To be covered at greater length at some other time....

Doctor Who Exhibition – Earls Court
An exhibition for kids, not that that stopped me from going mind. Pricey, very pricey, especially for a relatively short walk around the props and costumes from the new serious. £10 for an hour look around, and that was panning it out a bit. Yet, I can’t possibly even conceive of regret for going...



Brief Encounter
Now this was a performance... Funny, tragic, nostalgic... They took the anachronistic elements of the play, sent them up, but kept the main plot intact. They created a real vintage atmosphere with old fashioned ushers, a live band playing before the performance and during the interval; they handed out the cakes used in the performance. They brilliantly made use of the stage space. Highlight of the week.


Jack the Ripper Exhibition at Docklands Museum
Not bad for the money, £7 to see the exhibition and the rest of the museum. A really interesting history of the murders and its lasting effect on the East End. The history of the Docklands, which makes up the rest of the museum, was probably interesting but I’d read all about boats and industrial redevelopment when I was in Liverpool, so I kind of glossed over it.



REM Live at Twickenham Rugby GroundWell we missed the Guillemots because the pub we went to wasn’t serving food, despite the menu on the door, and we had to go somewhere else. They weren’t serving half the beers they had pumps for either and the toilets looked like a bomb had been dropped on them. No wonder it was empty. Caught most of the Editors, which was pretty samey.

But REM were great as they always are live (I’m a fifth timer) and they made a real difference by jettisoning the usual set list template and playing quite a few unusual numbers and a couple of reworked tunes. There were moments when it would’ve been better in a smaller venue, but it was hard not to come away smiling.

Office of Wonder

One of the many problems with modern living is that many, myself included, must face a working life that takes place solely behind a desk in front of a PC monitor. A place which becomes our home from home. The spot where we spend more time than anywhere else each week, except for maybe our own beds.

But fortunately I am spared much of this modern drudgery, for my work place is unique. The Point at Paddington Basin is a building like no other, as described below in the architects very special design brief.

TFP were commissioned to design the fit-out and the brief focused on sharing of information. The core concept for this is a volcano. The lower ground floor is the 'magma chamber' of ideas, and the atrium the vertical focus of communication and activity, with ideas fountaining out into the wider world. This energy manifests itself on the outside by a ripple of colour up the centre of the entrance façade, culminating in a coloured glass sculpture on the top.

Some days I have so many ideas, I feel quite like throwing myself down the vertical focus of communication and activity

Delightfully Inappropriate

Now this is ASDA Priceless...

Now this is Cheap

Now if Budgens is expensive, check out how cheap M&S is. I know the share price has taken a bit of kicking, but still, we're not worth much.

This is on all the store signs, so the website has to have it up.

Went to see American nutcase Daniel Johnston for an exceptionally short instore appearance over at Brick Lane. Then on my way back I happened to go through Tottenham Court Road station where people were being stopped and searched and I happened to be a man with a bag. And to top that, I had a beard. Women with handbags were fine, after all, there were only men searching so they couldn't check the women. Female terrorists were free to wire up and explode at their leisure.

It wasn't being searched that I minded, as I wasn't wired what did it matter? But it was the part where he took down my address, personal details and wanted to see proof of my ID. And now what happens to that data? Does it go onto my file, because I was searched once does that go on my permanent record? If I try to get on a plane, will it come up when they scan my passport that I was caught with a manbag and a beard and was worth searching at a London tube station once. I was suspicious then, he must still be trouble now? Am I officially more suspicious now than I was before???

Am I????

He didn't look in the plastic bag I was carrying. Not possible to hide explosives in a thin plastic bag. Good job he didn't make me it empty it out, or else everyone would've seen me with a particularly gay looking Bryan Ferry record. It's the one that lists credits for Cover Design, Photography, Clothes & Make-up, Hair and Artwork on the back, when the cover actually features him wearing a t-shirt next to a blue background

Budgens Finally Goes Too Far

Shelly Von Strunckel Pearl o’ Wisdom of the Week:

Trust your instincts over what seem like hard facts. They may run counter to logic at the moment but with two powerful eclipses approaching, what seems unlikely now could soon be a commonplace experience. Once everything has taken place, you’ll realise that those instincts were pointing the way.

It's like she leapt behind my eyes and saw exactly what was going to happen.

Filler

Not much going still. Granted I did go back to Stoke for the weekend - so nothing interesting there. I did get a replacement laptop and my brother is kindly retrieving my hard drive from my old one, so that’s fine. And I shall be paying for my new laptop with my £825 tax refund - oh yeah...

I saw the newly reformed Cornershop.


And the rescheduled Ladytron gig...

And here are some more review type things…

Sunset Boulevard (1950) William Holden, Gloria Swanson, Erich Von Stroheim. Dir: William Wilder

Down on his luck screenwriter Holden gets caught up in the twisted web of a former silent screen goddess. Iconic film noir with Wilder’s trademark sharp dialogue, but it’s the loaded performance of real life former icon Swanson that steals the show. OTT but with the bitter pill of truth

DDDDD

Theatre of Blood (1973) Vincent Price, Diana Rigg, Ian Hendry. Dir: Douglas Hickox

Shakerspearian ham actor Price takes revenge against his critics with a series of bard inspired murders.
Price is having the most fun in this entertaining spoof, but the narrative is very bitty, and the tension never seems to really build up. But the set pieces are very memorable.

DDDD

Marnie (1964) Sean Connery, Tippi Hedren, Martin Gable, Diance Baker. Dir Alfred Hitchcock

Connery is smitten with Hedren, a frigid kleptomaniac who‘s robbed him, so he determines to set her straight. Lesser Hitchcock - hard to believe that Connery would keep patience with such an unlikeable lead, the audience certainly won’t and the ending doesn’t vindicate it. Mother is sympathetic for once

DDD

Bestiality Case of the Day...

Good News

Due to some reorganisation of my department, that's all four of us, my work responsibilities are no longer certain defined tasks, I now am responsible for certains departments, all the ones that aren't clothing!!!

No more trying to pretend I know anything about fashion, no more struggling to come up with different outfit names for different shirt and tie combinations and no more giggling at outfit names I'm would never be allowed to call the plus size outfits (jumper-lumper, All-round style, etc).

Bad News

Non-clothing departments include beauty and cosmetics, and flowers. Anyone know what SPF 15 means?

News Story of the Day: Rabbit Killer!

I Think They Started From That End Deliberately

Damn Yahoo To Hell!

Anyone else having problems with Yahoo at the moment?

I'am, I can't read my emails. It'll let me log-in, but it insists on me re-entering my password and but won't accept it. It's just an endless on going loop.

I have 15 emails that are unread. Granted most of them will be asking for my credit card details or detailing great offers on Viagra, but damn it those are my fraudulant and pervy emails. Amongst them there may well be upto two messages that are important-ish.

Furthermore, I've wasted money going to a net cafe to confirm that it's not working, because I was assuming, as usual, it was just the crappy work internet. I could've of course found out at home if it wasn't for the fact that my laptop is also fucked!

The light comes on and then it very rapidly goes off again. No start-up sounds, just the lights on and then quickly off. This is very, very inconvenient, I need that laptop. Fortunately I saved my essential files to my iPod the week before, so I better save them to another computer before that fucks up too.

I can't help but feel this is the tip of the iceberg. Somethings coming, a personal calamity to end all other calamities. What will go wrong next?

Errm...

Yeah, not much happening at the moment. Managed to skilfully fail to get some freelance work, played football a couple of times (badly), went far up north for a christening party (there was no actual christening. While I was there I played the ultimate game of Jenga – 40 minutes long, gained an audience. It was soooo tense – and naturally I was the one who goofed, but I was part of something. Part of something special…



Anyway, here are two possibly interesting things to read which may well happened. There’s this and this…

Samuel Goldwynism of the Day:

“I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everyone to tell the truth – even though it costs him his job.”