Taxing

As usual, I cannot do anything right.

When I finished my job as an Oxfam bookstore manager (yes, someone actually gave me a position of responsibility) last September I had been taxed in full.

Sensibly then, come April, I decided to apply for a refund.

I could not find one amongst the 20 odd phone lines that applied to me. But I phoned one, and they were able to put me through to the right person who was then able to send me a form.

I returned the form.

Unfortunately there’s no box on the form to say ‘full time student’, so without any box to tick, I ticked the one which said ‘self employed’ on the basis that this would maybe be the case in the future. I then put my earnings as zero.

I then, with relish waited a whole month, then on my doorstep a beautiful brown Inland Revenue envelope. I opened with considerable admiration, 500 quid would once again be mine. What did I get?

A full length tax return to be returned at the end of the year.

Happy? Was I f**K

I phoned up the Revenue, and the third person I spoke to was able to help me. Unfortunately my records had been transferred down to Cornwall, they will have to be retransported back to Cardiff, before I can have my refund processed.

It would probably have been quicker had I sat down and put a cross or a zero in every bloody box.

Sigh

The delusion of the day is Unilateral neglectwhere one denies ownership of a limb or an entire side of ones body

Fact Two Revisited

Factosis level: Medium

The 2001 Paedophile episode of Brass Eye received 2000 complaints and 3000 calls of support after it was first aired.

MP Beverley Hughes described it as ‘unspeakably sick’ but had to admit she hadn’t seen it and neither had Tessa Jowell who advised the ITC to take measures to assure that such a programme could be prevented from broadcast.

In the aftermath of the show, The Daily Star wrote a damning article about Morris next to a piece about the then 15-year-old singer Charlotte Church's breasts under the headline "She's a big girl now", and The Daily Mail featured pictures of Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie, who were 13 and 11 at the time, in their bikinis next to an anti Brass Eye article entitled, "Unspeakably Sick."

The Quote of the Day is from Neil Innes of the Bonzo Dog Band, who performing playing at a charity concert stated that “I’ve suffered for my art, now it’s your turn.”

Woe Is Me

I am, as those who know me will testify, a person with a tendency toward misfortune. Let me give you an example:

Last week I put on the post below about my article on cufflinks.

I wrote a rather unkind remark about the sort of people who might buy cufflinks.

I attached a link to the site.

The owner of that site discovered a new link had been created to his site and checked where it had been linked to.

In his view writing an article, which in theory encourages people to buy cufflinks, and then effectively takes the piss out of these people, tends toward the counter productive side.

And he was not very pleased with me.

Oops

Apparently things have been smoothed over, but I would like to apologise to him and assure him that I was very grateful to have the opportunity to write for his site, and was only attempting to funny ( I attempt quite often ) and realise in hindsight that this was pretty inappropriate when you think about it.

I hope I have grovelled enough now.

Ron sympathises with me

Everybody loves Cufflinks

That legendary article I wrote on those wonderful cufflinks is now available.

History of cufflinks

And there's an article about Sheffield Silverware.

Sheffield Silverware

Neither of which have been credited to me. This will be rectified!

If the road to hell is paved with good intentions, where exactly are bad intentions going to take you?

Phobia of the day is Christianophobia, fear or dislike of Christians

Fact Eight

Factosis level: HIGH

The sport of dwarf tossing originated in either the United States of Australia, the sport involves men of extremely small stature being padded up and thrown onto mattresses by comepetitors.

The sport has attracted much contraversy. The sport was popular in Florida but a ban in 1989 meant the governor could revoke the licquor license of any bar taking part in the sport.

The sport was prohibted in France in 2002, on the ground that it caused a public disturbance with considerations of human dignity. It is however up to local authorities to enforce this law. No legal action against anyone has yet taken place.

A fine of $5,000 is payable in Canada for those breaking the 2004 'Dwart tossing Ban act' however this law failed to define the size of a dwarf and as a result many contest now use more contestands of a more average height.

The winners of the Dwarf Tossing world championship held in 1986 were the English team of Danny Blue, Roy Merrin and Lenny The Giant.

The official dwarf tossing chant:

This dwarf is made for tossing,
and thats just what he'll do,
One of these days this dwarf,
is gonna toss all over you...

Delusion of the Day: Fregoli Delusion, the belief that various people you meet are in fact the same person

Check a real life case of the male fear phobia on the comments for the aborted fact 5

Fact Seven

On 24 March1975 Alex Mitchell, a 50-year-old bricklayer from King's Lynn actually died laughing while watching an episode of The Goodies.

The episode 'Kung Fu Capers' caused a playground stir by introducing the Lancastrian martial art of Eckthump, which involves hitting an opponent over the head with a black pudding.

A scene in which Bill Oddie, master of the art, defends himself against bagpipe whielding Scotsman, caused Mr Mitchell to laugh solidly for 25 minutes until he died of heart failure.

His wife later thanked the Goodies for allowing her husband, who had been unwell, to die in such a 'pleasant' fashion.

Quote of the Day 'Writing about music is like dancing about architecture' - Elvis Costello

I-pod hell once again.

Davepod IV is now on the critical list with little hope of recovery.

Cure you Apple blah blah... revenge etc ete... Long live Davepod V and so and so on.

I feel I must apologise for the poor (even by my standard) punctuation of the previous post. The thought of my factosis attack made me less receptive to sensible editing. That coupled with the Blessed picture obviously. I will see to it that it does not happen again - to that extent.

The Dellusion of the day is Capgras delusion: the belief that a close relative, friend, or spouse has been replaced by an identical-looking impostor.