Tales Of Personal Injury 2

1993 - The T.B Injection: Nobody likes having an injection, but I took it like a pre-pubescent man and thought nothing of it. And it was sore afterward, and I did scratch a bit. What no one could've predicted was that I would come out in a large rash and grow a scab the size of a satsuma - though this provided a handy shield against punching, but the rash wasn't pleasant. The nurses were puzzled and I was sent to hospital to take a variety of tests and no one really seemed to be sure what was going on but it seemed, by this time, to be in remission, so there was no fuss and in the end, there was just large amounts of anti-septic cream to spread over me on a regular basis.

1995 - Broken Arm: To be perfectly accurate, I did in fact, break the bone just below my thumb, but as this connects down the entire of my arm, I got the full plaster treatment. I would like to say I earned the injury by playing rugby, but I didn't even get a far as the field. I was running to the field (in a bizarre show of enthusiasm) when I skidded on my football boots, fell, and landed on my arm. Of course, no one thought it was serious and I was viciously mocked and remember being so upset that I cried - plus the fact it really hurt. Apparently this bone is really hard to break, and is more commonly broken by the elderly.

The Requested Tale Of A Near Miss: I was at the seaside with my Mum and Dad. I was sat on a wall by the beach; there was pavement on either side of the wall and I was casually making fun of my Father's baldness or beer belly, I can't remember which, then he would chase me a little. When he got close, I simply rolled over the wall. Unfortunately, the pavement on the other side had changed into steps, to lead down to the beach below, and when I rolled over, there was an approximately 15 - 2o foot drop to the pavement below. However, my fall was broken - by my own arse. I landed on my backside and was surprisingly unharmed. I did hurt a little, but if I remember rightly, there was not even a bruise. I was totally unmarked, unlike the time when I fell on the spike of a metal log basket...

Next time - My altercation with a Volvo at a roundabout, and the mysterious hernia...