Not Now

I got a phone call last Frida:, it’s a woman calling from Barnados asking me if I’m still interested in the Shop manager vacancy in Romford, a position I applied for two months ago. Having been woken up at the ungodly early hour of 10:30, I said yes and was invited for an interview the following Friday, also at 10:30.

Of course I don’t bloody want the job the anymore, since I ought to be getting a substantial cheque (I wait in anticipation for the postman to arrive every day, only to have my hopes crushed each time) the point where I was desperate for money has passed.

So I invented a whole back story about how I’d been offered a position as a trainee script editor at Granada and even though the pay wasn’t very good, it was really a dream vacancy and that I was going to take it, so I would have a reason for graciously turning down the interview. But she just ticked me off a list and wished me good luck.

Anyway, this is Ro-man, star of the film ‘Robot Monster’



He has wiped mankind with his incredible Calcinator ray, destroying humans but leaving our buildings and resources in tact. He now lives in a cave (?) with his amazing bubble machine and, while gesturing only with his right hand, is told that one family has survived and is immune to the ray.

Conveniently, this family live on the other side of the hill. But Ro-man develops feeling for one of the human woman (having vapourised all the others) and suddenly feels the need to experience emotions “To be like the hu-man! To laugh! Feel! Want!”. Will this jeopardise his mission to wipeout mankind for good?

Yes, yes it will.

“I cannot - yet I must. How do you calculate that? At what point on the graph do "must" and "cannot" meet? Yet I must - but I cannot!”