In all fairness, none of these films look like they have much to work with.
Gymkata
A deadly fusion of gymnastics and karate… and his best weapon is himself! I’d still take a gun along if it were me.
Seize the Formula
Some days it’s just fight after fight after fight – you’ve barely enough time to say a line of dialogue. I’m guessing the formula they’re seizing is to never have more than 20 seconds pass without throwing a punch or shooting someone.
Blood Beach
Oh I get it, in Jaws it was dangerous to be in the water, now it’s dangerous to be on the sand. Ingenious. Always good to hear a narrator who likes to take his time.
Chopping Mall
You could pretty much just leave if you wanted to. Plenty of Fire Exits I’d expect.
Terrorgram
Yeah, yeah people get ironic deliveries in the post that punish them for past crimes, don’t milk it for 3 minutes, we get it. And a soundtrack is more than just the same few notes looped over and over and over. James Earl Jones, you can do better than this!
Deadly Prey
With that many grunts and cries, it’s got to be good. So violent no man could even keep his shirt on!
Final Exam
Walking slowly through doors and quickly through corridors – now that’s terrifying.
Varan: the Unbelievable
Yep, unbelievable. Not even all those different fonts can make Varan a terrifying vision, but kudos on the voiceover guy for trying so hard.
Gymkata
A deadly fusion of gymnastics and karate… and his best weapon is himself! I’d still take a gun along if it were me.
Seize the Formula
Some days it’s just fight after fight after fight – you’ve barely enough time to say a line of dialogue. I’m guessing the formula they’re seizing is to never have more than 20 seconds pass without throwing a punch or shooting someone.
Blood Beach
Oh I get it, in Jaws it was dangerous to be in the water, now it’s dangerous to be on the sand. Ingenious. Always good to hear a narrator who likes to take his time.
Chopping Mall
You could pretty much just leave if you wanted to. Plenty of Fire Exits I’d expect.
Terrorgram
Yeah, yeah people get ironic deliveries in the post that punish them for past crimes, don’t milk it for 3 minutes, we get it. And a soundtrack is more than just the same few notes looped over and over and over. James Earl Jones, you can do better than this!
Deadly Prey
With that many grunts and cries, it’s got to be good. So violent no man could even keep his shirt on!
Final Exam
Walking slowly through doors and quickly through corridors – now that’s terrifying.
Varan: the Unbelievable
Yep, unbelievable. Not even all those different fonts can make Varan a terrifying vision, but kudos on the voiceover guy for trying so hard.
2 comments:
Another treasure trove Dave!
Gymkata: Surely the lead character should be called Jim Carter?
Sieze The Formula: does the ony guy genuinely call the viewers idiots? I also love the punches that sound like a machine gun!
Chopping Mall: Looks like Wall-E was evil after all. Do you know what the couple rolling their eyes at the end is all about?
Gymkata: They called him Jonathan Cabot - the idiots!!!!!
Seize the Formula: I think the insult is probably directed at the editor - who obviously edits with a pair of garden sheers. Tough guys in that film though, they really know how to beat up women!
Chopping Mall: I think the eye-rollers are representing the critics, when they realise they're going to have to watch it. Not Wall-E though, but his evil cousin, Mall-E.
I will get my coat...
Post a Comment