Friday, April 01, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Things I've Enjoyed: Boardwalk Empire
When it was revealed that HBO were to begin producing a new period gangster drama, written by some of the people behind the Sopranos, starring Steve Buscemi and with the first episode directed by Martin Scorsese, TV critics across the globe had a collective orgasm. Once the series had aired, they were no less gushing in their praise.
Yet Boardwalk Empire is not quite the home run that all have called it. That’s not to say that’s it isn’t a great series – it is, but it does have its flaws. It would be truer to say that it becomes a great series, its beginning are a little... crowded.
Boardwalk Empire is the story of prohibition era America. Steve Buscemi is Nucky Thompson, the New Jersey county treasurer and, essentially, the city’s mob boss. The man who pulls the strings in the street and in the halls of power. When the ban on alcohol comes in, he quite jovially announces to his cohorts, including the major and the sheriff (his brother) that they’re going to make a fortune. New business brings new enemies, however, and his unwillingness to bend to the will of a New York gangster causes trouble, as does a zealous prohibition agent. But Nucky prefers politics to the violence of mob business, which gradually begins to undermine his position.
Sopranos comparisons are easy, and not just because of the writers. And the New Jersey location. There’s the young mobster who threatens the boss’ authority, the old gangster who jealous of his success, the powerful New York crowd trying to muscle in, and the women he loves, who struggles to reconcile her love for the boss with the criminal life he leads.
But then again, Tony Soprano was not involved in politics, and was not a subtle character. Steve Buscemi plays a character who holds his card much closer to his chest, and all times appears respectable. He’s a harder character to get an angle on. He has no psychiatrist to spill his inner thoughts to.
This is nub of the problem. Boardwalk Empire plunges head first into the action, before we ever get to know our characters. They’re all immersed in sub-plots. Plot driven action is always welcome, but most series let you get to know the territory first. One of the story techniques adhered to throughout the Sopranos run was that each episode should stand alone, and could be watched as an individual story. After the pilot, it’s quite a few episodes in before there’s anything resembling an A story begun and resolved in one episode.
All these ongoing plots leave character
development in the dark and loose ends dangling from one episode to the next. There’s one sub-plot, featuring a dumb gangster out of favour, with debtors on his back, that inspires hardly any interest at all. Eventually it comes in to contact with another sub-plot, and starts to add to something more, but only eventually.
So why all the praise then? Well it’s HBO, and as such it has all the resources the HBO can throw at it. The production values are superb, and the cast, you really couldn’t ask for a butter bench of actors.
Though the crowded plot causes issues, the writing is otherwise excellent. The show is packed with interesting and colourful characters, from the savvy boss of the negro mob to the gangster’s moll who’s true love is another women. By far the most fascinating, and disturbing, is FBI Agent Van Alden, a Christian zealot with a fiery temper, who struggles to suppress his rage at the abundant moral corruption that surrounds him. And is also gradually corrupted by it. It’s an interesting contrast to have the supposed voice of justice and right to be more dangerous than then those who shirk the laws of the land.
The other major point of interest is how the series brushes up against history. How historically accurate it is is one for the academics; it certainly gives pause to reconsider the history of American government and how criminality and corruption may have formed its policies and laws. And how criminality and corruption have contributed to the creation of society today.
In that respect it’s almost the thematic child of Deadwood – which for unfathomable reasons is not hailed as HBO’s true masterpiece – which showed how society is created and ascends from mobs and lawlessness. You could also link it to the Sopranos, the three shows showing the history of organised crime from the 19th to the 21st Century – moving from an accepted part of the governmental institutions towards the fringes of society, though never quite absent from the echelons of power
While the prolific sub-plots do create a certain unfulfillment as each episode closes, it’s never less than a pleasure to watch all the talent, behind and in front of the camera, at work. And as the series progresses, the plot strands do come together and we can really see where the story is heading.
The series certainly does get one thing absolutely right, and that’s that it leaves you thirsting for more. By the close we see Nucky opening up, becoming more vulnerable and closer to his mistress, the plain but smart Kelly McDonald (of Trainspotting fame). This, alas, may contribute to his undoing, as his friends are now moving against him, having judged him to not be the leader they want. Showing those first signs of mob and politics separating.
Boardwalk Empire is not a complete masterpiece, but it sure as hell seems like it may well become one.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
I just like that somebody took the time to write 'Very mature' above it all.
They could be being sarcastic. But either way, they're still a tit.
Although I obviously don't approve of the violent sentiments towards Micronesia...
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Not in the Stars
I think most of accept that horrorscopes are a load of old b******s. But as if the point needed emphasising any further, here are five of my horrorscopes from last Thursday. Have a read, and just imagine what kind of revelatory, life changing day I might have had, if even half the things of predicted by these c**p spurting f**knuts had actually happened:
Claire Petulengro – The Metro
If you don’t treat yourself as a first class citizen, then why should others. You’re allowing yourself to believe things, which are not true. You’re gorgeous; now let others know this fact too please.
Unknown - Yahoo
You have a non-stop day in front of you, Virgo. You are likely to be bombarded with email and voice mail from people asking your advice on a particular issue. It is flattering to be in such demand, but the attention makes it difficult for you to get anything else accomplished. Your frustration may be such that you swear off helping anyone. Just when you feel you're going to snap, someone lavishes you with praise, motivating you to respond to yet another crisis phone call.
Unknown - MSN
Working out the benefits of introducing energy saving gadgets into your home looks like a viable idea.
Mystic Meg – The Sun
As Venus settles into your commitment chart, a relationship that seemed to be just for fun turns into one with a future. At work, you have the right mixture of charm and confidence to make real progress. Your ability to forgive a relative shows strength. Luck calls at door 76.
Shelley Von Strunckel – The Evening Standard
The Virgo Full Moon may not take place for about two weeks. But it’s time to acknowledge and reflect on the emotional side of your life. Obviously this involves your concerns and complaints, but you’re also encouraged to focus on those arrangements that bring joy to your life.
I suppose my old favourite Ms Von Strunckel* is probably closest to the mark. After all, what she says is absolutely f**k all, and that's pretty much what happened on Thursday. It's odd, Strunckel used to be the most flowery of bulls******s.
Although there's some truth in the first one...
Claire Petulengro – The Metro
If you don’t treat yourself as a first class citizen, then why should others. You’re allowing yourself to believe things, which are not true. You’re gorgeous; now let others know this fact too please.
Unknown - Yahoo
You have a non-stop day in front of you, Virgo. You are likely to be bombarded with email and voice mail from people asking your advice on a particular issue. It is flattering to be in such demand, but the attention makes it difficult for you to get anything else accomplished. Your frustration may be such that you swear off helping anyone. Just when you feel you're going to snap, someone lavishes you with praise, motivating you to respond to yet another crisis phone call.
Unknown - MSN
Working out the benefits of introducing energy saving gadgets into your home looks like a viable idea.
Mystic Meg – The Sun
As Venus settles into your commitment chart, a relationship that seemed to be just for fun turns into one with a future. At work, you have the right mixture of charm and confidence to make real progress. Your ability to forgive a relative shows strength. Luck calls at door 76.
Shelley Von Strunckel – The Evening Standard
The Virgo Full Moon may not take place for about two weeks. But it’s time to acknowledge and reflect on the emotional side of your life. Obviously this involves your concerns and complaints, but you’re also encouraged to focus on those arrangements that bring joy to your life.
I suppose my old favourite Ms Von Strunckel* is probably closest to the mark. After all, what she says is absolutely f**k all, and that's pretty much what happened on Thursday. It's odd, Strunckel used to be the most flowery of bulls******s.
Although there's some truth in the first one...
Sunday, March 06, 2011
Words of Hate: Marmite
A new cliche is perhaps a contradiction in terms, but there is certainly one coined phrase that seems to be rising to prominence and really gets on my tits. And that is BLANK marmite, as in “it’s musical marmite’ or ‘movie marmite’. Basically what the sayer is describing is something that provokes an equally strong reaction of love or hate depending on who you ask, with few sitting inbetween. It’s popularly associated with music, because that also begins with an M, but it is also commonly used when discussing movies, for the same reason.
The Marmite comparison has taken a long time to weave its way into common usage, the Marmite Love It or Hate It campaign began back in the 90s. What I find particularly irritating about this phrase is that those who employ it always seem to use it with a sense of smugness and cleverness, as if they have discovered a clever way to encapsulate the feeling of ‘love or hate’ in one phrase. A complete defining and profound description of the subject.
Well it's not big or clever. There is something particularly irritating about the marmite thing. Is it because it has sprung from an advertising campaign? It was actually quite well employed there, amusingly capitolising on that fact that we all know people who both love and hate marmite. Of course that was a bit of fun, it wasn't until later it was used to describe certain art forms, and being employed lazily to describe the way something can devide an opinion. It smacks of a lack of imagination and an obviously vague understanding of one’s subject, and how an audience relates to it.
The reaction we have to a food or drink cannot really be explained, our tastebuds react to produce a positive or negative sensation. But why one group of people might like a piece of music or a movie can actually mostly be explained, can't it. You can break music and films down in to elements: instruments, vocals, visuals, attitude, words, lighting etc, any one of which may de singled out for criticism. You can also look at the times in which something is created. Foodstuffs don’t really tend to go in and out of fashion, with some exceptions of course. But music and film is very much attached to the time in which it is made. Consider punk, and who that impacted on other genres of music, drastically reducing their popularity, turning tides of people against bands who were once remarkably popular.
Consider also the fact that types of music and film considered ‘Marmite’ are not usually available easily available to the general public. They are generally unusual in some way and not considered desirable to the general public. Therefore, to enjoy it, you must search for it. And only if you really like something, are you likely to spend any great time seeking it out.
For those who dislike something in the extreme, they may not have taken fiercely to it at least to begin with, but may have taken more against in response to those who love it passionately. Music and movie fanatic travel in packs, and often the only way to discover fringe or new artists is to pass them on to try and covert more to the faithful. And there’s nothing like someone who likes something too much to put you really off it.
Let’s face it, there are actually plenty of people in the world who will sit in the middle, maybe neither loving or hating something. Thinking again of music and movies, you are not usually loving or hating something individually, you have feelings about a band, genre, director. Therefore you may find you love certain bits, eras of facets of a performance piece. In fact the more you love something, the more angry you are bound to get when it disappoints you.
The BLANK marmite thing just doesn’t really do anything justice. If something is divisive then explain why. If you can’t explain why, that maybe you don’t understand its appeal, negative or otherwise. And if you don’t understand it, then maybe you shouldn’t write about it!
In summary – I hate the marmite cliché comparison. It's tedious, dull and vague. Please, please don’t use it; It’s rubbish.
The Marmite comparison has taken a long time to weave its way into common usage, the Marmite Love It or Hate It campaign began back in the 90s. What I find particularly irritating about this phrase is that those who employ it always seem to use it with a sense of smugness and cleverness, as if they have discovered a clever way to encapsulate the feeling of ‘love or hate’ in one phrase. A complete defining and profound description of the subject.
Well it's not big or clever. There is something particularly irritating about the marmite thing. Is it because it has sprung from an advertising campaign? It was actually quite well employed there, amusingly capitolising on that fact that we all know people who both love and hate marmite. Of course that was a bit of fun, it wasn't until later it was used to describe certain art forms, and being employed lazily to describe the way something can devide an opinion. It smacks of a lack of imagination and an obviously vague understanding of one’s subject, and how an audience relates to it.
The reaction we have to a food or drink cannot really be explained, our tastebuds react to produce a positive or negative sensation. But why one group of people might like a piece of music or a movie can actually mostly be explained, can't it. You can break music and films down in to elements: instruments, vocals, visuals, attitude, words, lighting etc, any one of which may de singled out for criticism. You can also look at the times in which something is created. Foodstuffs don’t really tend to go in and out of fashion, with some exceptions of course. But music and film is very much attached to the time in which it is made. Consider punk, and who that impacted on other genres of music, drastically reducing their popularity, turning tides of people against bands who were once remarkably popular.
Consider also the fact that types of music and film considered ‘Marmite’ are not usually available easily available to the general public. They are generally unusual in some way and not considered desirable to the general public. Therefore, to enjoy it, you must search for it. And only if you really like something, are you likely to spend any great time seeking it out.
For those who dislike something in the extreme, they may not have taken fiercely to it at least to begin with, but may have taken more against in response to those who love it passionately. Music and movie fanatic travel in packs, and often the only way to discover fringe or new artists is to pass them on to try and covert more to the faithful. And there’s nothing like someone who likes something too much to put you really off it.
Let’s face it, there are actually plenty of people in the world who will sit in the middle, maybe neither loving or hating something. Thinking again of music and movies, you are not usually loving or hating something individually, you have feelings about a band, genre, director. Therefore you may find you love certain bits, eras of facets of a performance piece. In fact the more you love something, the more angry you are bound to get when it disappoints you.
The BLANK marmite thing just doesn’t really do anything justice. If something is divisive then explain why. If you can’t explain why, that maybe you don’t understand its appeal, negative or otherwise. And if you don’t understand it, then maybe you shouldn’t write about it!
In summary – I hate the marmite cliché comparison. It's tedious, dull and vague. Please, please don’t use it; It’s rubbish.
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
February Film Highlights
Aelita: Queen of Mars (1924 Russia) Yulia Solntseva, Igor Ilyinsky, Nikolai Tsereteli, Nikolai Batalov, Vera Orlova. Dir: Yakov Protazanov
A rocket engineer dreams of life on Mars while his wife is befriended by bourgeois conmen. Famous for abstract sci-fi scenes, but is largely dominated by a tedious plot involving dastardly upper class types cheating the honest workers. The ending, however, is unbelievable. Even martians can be part of the revolution...
DDD
Edge of Darkness (2010) Mel Gibson, Ray Winstone, Danny Huston. Dir: Martin Campbell.
Revenge is suspected when a cop’s daughter is killed outside his home, but could she have been the target? A remarkable TV series becomes an unremarkable thriller. The subtly, scope and mystery of the series are stripped back to create an average conspiracy yarn that isn’t special in any way.
DDd
The Social Network (2010) Jesse Eisenberg, Andrew Garfield, Justin Timberlake, Arnie Hammer. Dir: David Fincher.
The founding of Facebook and how it drove two friends apart. A drama about youngsters with high IQs and low emotional maturity. A surprisingly classical story of envy and ambition. Sorkin’s script is as witty and fast paced as you’d expect, though whether its fair on its subjects is debatable.
DDDDd
Dracula (1931) Bela Lugosi, Helen Chandler, David Manners, Dwight Frye, Edward Van Sloan. Dir:Tod Browning.
A vampire comes to England to stalk new prey. First half boasts atmospheric visuals and stylish direction, but in England, Browning seems to get bored, though the anti-climactic script doesn’t help. Nevertheless, easy to understand why it’s influence has lasted. Lugosi, Frye and Sloan define their roles to this day.
DDDDd
Tarantula (1955) John Agar, Mara Corday, Leo G. Carroll. Dir: Jack Arnold
Scientific experiments to grow large animals gets out of control, unleashing a giant tarantula on a small town. Although it’s just a giant monster B-movie, the makers have taken time to make the effects as good as possible and to provide a respectable back story. Good quality nonsense.
DDDd
Death Proof (2007) Kurt Russell, Rosario Dawson, Zoe Bell, Rose McGowan. Dir: Quentin Tarantino.
A retired stunt driver gets his thrills by stalking girls on the road and crashing his car into them. Admittedly too talky, but it does make you care about the characters, making the visceral and brutal action all the more terrifying. A tense and exciting low-fi thrill ride.
DDDDd
Return of the Vampire (1944) Bela Lugosi, Frieda Inescort, Nina Foch, Miles Mander, Matt Willis. Dir: Lew Landers.
A vampire thought dead and buried is reawakened during an air raid and avenges himself on those who vanquished him. A fairly run of the mill Dracula retelling; the wartime setting has potential, but it isn’t realised, and the location shooting simply highlights how inadequate the sets are.
DDd
V For Vendetta (2006) Huge Weaving, Natalie Portman, Stephen Rea, John Hurt, Stephen Fry, Tim Piggott-Smith. Dir: James McTeigue
A masked avenger pledges to bring down Britain’s fascist government on bonfire night. The intent was to update a story about Thatcherism, fascism and anarchism, and make it a contemporary tale of conservative extremism. Really though, just an above average superhero adventure, with some strong sequences, but some clubfooted dialogue.
DDD
A rocket engineer dreams of life on Mars while his wife is befriended by bourgeois conmen. Famous for abstract sci-fi scenes, but is largely dominated by a tedious plot involving dastardly upper class types cheating the honest workers. The ending, however, is unbelievable. Even martians can be part of the revolution...
DDD
Edge of Darkness (2010) Mel Gibson, Ray Winstone, Danny Huston. Dir: Martin Campbell.
Revenge is suspected when a cop’s daughter is killed outside his home, but could she have been the target? A remarkable TV series becomes an unremarkable thriller. The subtly, scope and mystery of the series are stripped back to create an average conspiracy yarn that isn’t special in any way.
DDd
The Social Network (2010) Jesse Eisenberg, Andrew Garfield, Justin Timberlake, Arnie Hammer. Dir: David Fincher.
The founding of Facebook and how it drove two friends apart. A drama about youngsters with high IQs and low emotional maturity. A surprisingly classical story of envy and ambition. Sorkin’s script is as witty and fast paced as you’d expect, though whether its fair on its subjects is debatable.
DDDDd
Dracula (1931) Bela Lugosi, Helen Chandler, David Manners, Dwight Frye, Edward Van Sloan. Dir:Tod Browning.
A vampire comes to England to stalk new prey. First half boasts atmospheric visuals and stylish direction, but in England, Browning seems to get bored, though the anti-climactic script doesn’t help. Nevertheless, easy to understand why it’s influence has lasted. Lugosi, Frye and Sloan define their roles to this day.
DDDDd
Tarantula (1955) John Agar, Mara Corday, Leo G. Carroll. Dir: Jack Arnold
Scientific experiments to grow large animals gets out of control, unleashing a giant tarantula on a small town. Although it’s just a giant monster B-movie, the makers have taken time to make the effects as good as possible and to provide a respectable back story. Good quality nonsense.
DDDd
Death Proof (2007) Kurt Russell, Rosario Dawson, Zoe Bell, Rose McGowan. Dir: Quentin Tarantino.
A retired stunt driver gets his thrills by stalking girls on the road and crashing his car into them. Admittedly too talky, but it does make you care about the characters, making the visceral and brutal action all the more terrifying. A tense and exciting low-fi thrill ride.
DDDDd
Return of the Vampire (1944) Bela Lugosi, Frieda Inescort, Nina Foch, Miles Mander, Matt Willis. Dir: Lew Landers.
A vampire thought dead and buried is reawakened during an air raid and avenges himself on those who vanquished him. A fairly run of the mill Dracula retelling; the wartime setting has potential, but it isn’t realised, and the location shooting simply highlights how inadequate the sets are.
DDd
V For Vendetta (2006) Huge Weaving, Natalie Portman, Stephen Rea, John Hurt, Stephen Fry, Tim Piggott-Smith. Dir: James McTeigue
A masked avenger pledges to bring down Britain’s fascist government on bonfire night. The intent was to update a story about Thatcherism, fascism and anarchism, and make it a contemporary tale of conservative extremism. Really though, just an above average superhero adventure, with some strong sequences, but some clubfooted dialogue.
DDD
Monday, February 21, 2011
Dear the Co-op
I’m writing to complain about your Morland Road, Lower Addiscombe Store in Croydon. The service there is appalling. I’ve lived in the area for over 12 months now, and I go to the store fairly regularly, although less and less often. The staff are lazy and slow, and do everything at their own convenience and I am sick and tired of standing waiting in lines because they simply don’t give a damn about the people they are there to serve.
Queues develop quickly at the store because the staff at the checkout do their work at their own leisurely pace. There response to growing queues is almost zero. They continue to operate at the same gradual pace. They may ring the bell for help, at which point a colleague may decide to wander over slowly, often continuing their work on the shop floor first, and them to assist them. They both then serve the customers at a pace they find comfortable, sometimes enjoying a casual chat. This behaviour seems to systematic of the whole staff; I visit the store at a variety of hours; the long queues and staff laziness persists regardless of who is present and what time of day it is.
There have been some improvements of late. Staff have found the energy to put your shopping in a bag occasionally, and at times when the queue reaches around the store, they’ve even dusted off the third till to use. Not that this causes them to move any quicker. This evening, as I stood waiting, one of them nudged the other to smirk “the queues past the end of the fridge”, his colleague laughed and shook his head, and on they went, doing their job with the minimal of effort. Urgency seems to be a term they are not familiar with.
After a long day at work, the last thing I want to do is to stand around waiting for people who can’t be bothered to make any effort. There are plenty of other stores around - the local Tesco always makes great efforts to keep queue time short - but I prefer to shop at the Co-Op because the food is better. But unless the quality of service improves, I shall simply go somewhere else. And no doubt the many people stuck in the queue behind me may be tempted to do the same thing.
Mr Nixon
Thank you for contacting the Co-operative Careline regarding your local store in Morland Road, Croydon.
As you would expect service is of paramount importance to us and any indication we have failed is treated very seriously. The Co-operative Group, as a national food retailer, takes great care in the training of our staff to ensure our customers receive the highest standard of service when shopping with us. I would like to take this opportunity to apologise sincerely for the service you received, and to advise that I have informed the Operations Manager regarding the issues you have raised with us. Please be assured that he will monitor the store, and take appropriate action where necessary.
Customer feedback is extremely important for us and I would like to thank you for taking the time and trouble to contact us about this matter as we do value all customer comments received, which assist us in making improvements.
If I can be of any further assistance, please do not hesitate to phone our freephone number 0800 --- ----
Regards
***** *****
Customer Relations
Co-operative Group Ltd
Queues develop quickly at the store because the staff at the checkout do their work at their own leisurely pace. There response to growing queues is almost zero. They continue to operate at the same gradual pace. They may ring the bell for help, at which point a colleague may decide to wander over slowly, often continuing their work on the shop floor first, and them to assist them. They both then serve the customers at a pace they find comfortable, sometimes enjoying a casual chat. This behaviour seems to systematic of the whole staff; I visit the store at a variety of hours; the long queues and staff laziness persists regardless of who is present and what time of day it is.
There have been some improvements of late. Staff have found the energy to put your shopping in a bag occasionally, and at times when the queue reaches around the store, they’ve even dusted off the third till to use. Not that this causes them to move any quicker. This evening, as I stood waiting, one of them nudged the other to smirk “the queues past the end of the fridge”, his colleague laughed and shook his head, and on they went, doing their job with the minimal of effort. Urgency seems to be a term they are not familiar with.
After a long day at work, the last thing I want to do is to stand around waiting for people who can’t be bothered to make any effort. There are plenty of other stores around - the local Tesco always makes great efforts to keep queue time short - but I prefer to shop at the Co-Op because the food is better. But unless the quality of service improves, I shall simply go somewhere else. And no doubt the many people stuck in the queue behind me may be tempted to do the same thing.
Mr Nixon
Thank you for contacting the Co-operative Careline regarding your local store in Morland Road, Croydon.
As you would expect service is of paramount importance to us and any indication we have failed is treated very seriously. The Co-operative Group, as a national food retailer, takes great care in the training of our staff to ensure our customers receive the highest standard of service when shopping with us. I would like to take this opportunity to apologise sincerely for the service you received, and to advise that I have informed the Operations Manager regarding the issues you have raised with us. Please be assured that he will monitor the store, and take appropriate action where necessary.
Customer feedback is extremely important for us and I would like to thank you for taking the time and trouble to contact us about this matter as we do value all customer comments received, which assist us in making improvements.
If I can be of any further assistance, please do not hesitate to phone our freephone number 0800 --- ----
Regards
***** *****
Customer Relations
Co-operative Group Ltd
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Job Application Incompetence Or A Guide On How To Not Look Like A Moron
Something I always find totally exasperating is advertising a job vacancy. It ought not to be, I am normally advertising writing vacancies after all; I ought to be receiving plenty of examples of fine writing. At least in theory...
Rather sadly, the majority of applications I read are depressingly inept and incompetent. You would think with a job market so badly constrained that people might want to make the extra effort. But no, slap-dash, ill thought-out submissions is the norm.
It’s mostly the cover letters that are to blame. Hastily written, not proofed properly... Yet they are the most useful part of any application. The CV is a-standard, the same for every application. But the cover letter is the thing that they have written specially for you, aimed directly at this vacancy, yet few seem to spend any time on it whatsoever. Not that CVs always come off well. Many of these are poorly thought out too.
Here are the most egregious errors I have come across, presented for your amusement, horror or education. Quotes used are real, but altered to maintain confidentiality.
Beginning your application
Just because you’re applying online, doesn’t mean that you don’t have to still be formal. It’s Dear Sir/Madam, not Hi or Hello, Greetings or salutations. I’m not your buddy; you want something from me so damn well approach me respectfully.
What always shocks me (because it seems so inconceivably stupid), is just how many applications begin ‘To whom it may concern’. Now to me, the phrase “To whom it may concern” is the kind of message I write on a notice I leave on the car that’s in my parking space, or on the gate at the end of my drive for the person whose dog is fowling outside my house. It’s a blunt and rude way to begin a letter and will get your application turned down in an instant.
Get the job title right
Here’s the opening sentence from a recent application:
”I found your advertisement for the position of article writer on Craigslist.org.”
Shame that I’d advertised for a Senior Writer not an article writer.
And pay attention to how things are spelt. I mean this in reference to how site names and company names are spelt and presented on the page. The website’s not called Gum Tree, it’s Gumtree.
Read the advert properly
Here’s another cover note opening of dubious quality:
“As a former writing teacher who currently writes and edits a wide range of writing projects full-time, I have the experience and connections to satisfactorily complete your projects on time and on budget.”
“Proud of my reputation for consistent, high quality, and affordable writing, which adheres to strict deadlines, I look forward to learning more about how I can use my experience to help achieve your writing and editing needs.”
Did I mention budgets or costs in my ad? No I did not, so that’s a sure fire way to show that the applicant has simply dusted off an old letter and not tailored it properly to this vacancy. I feel sorry for their students.
And take note of the bloody location of the job. You’re not going to be much help if you live in the Phillipines or New Delhi when the vacancy is based in bloody South London!
CVs should be two sides long
I don’t need an epic retelling of your life; I don’t need to know which primary school you went to, and every job you’ve done since you were able to walk upright. Keep it short and concise. Two sides of A4 and no more.
Photos are tacky
There’s a recent trend of people putting photos on their CVs, which, frankly, is pointless. What on earth does what you look like matter? I’ve seen pictures which made the applicant look like an adolescent super villain, and an applicant look a good ten years younger than they were. This is not helping your application. Worse still, if you’re a girl, adding a photo of yourself glammed up completely undermines any credibility you might have. Not every guy will hire you because you’re hot. Women certainly won’t!
Arrogance will get you nowhere
“This looks like an interesting position. I think I might be able to help you.”
Oh really? You might be able to help me? Well God bless you sir, please come along and give me aid in my time of need...
I am offering you a chance to work for me. I help you – you do not help me! Facts impress, not idle boasting.
Don’t be a poet
“Whilst I was overseas I enjoyed the stimulation that every new day within such a different culture offered me and the difficulty and sense of accomplishment that learning Arabic afforded me.”
And how will that help you to write ecommerce copy for me? Any writer worth his salt can smell bullsh*t a mile away.
Don’t sabotage yourself
Check out this bit of application copy:
“My English Literature with Creative Writing university degree has helped to perfect and assist in the development of my fluency of writing, accuracy in typing both oral material and written documents, writing to deadlines and researching relevant material both under the constraints of deadlines and also under the pressure of managing other projects running simultaneously.”
Paying attention to sentence length or repetition seems not have been part of this course. 55 words in one sentence, seriously? Still, it’s not as bad as this travesty. Is this person being sarcastic about being a teamplayer?:
"I'm writing to see if the position is still available. I have extensive experience writing for publication and deadline.My CV contains a full publications list at the end. I have experience writing copy, I am a good "team player", am highly organised and have strong editorial experience both in terms of academic work and in terms of editing and proofing for publication. "
Check properly before sending
Mistakes never look good, but in an application for a writing position, they are unforgivable. Here are some selected clangers:
"I believe I am greatly suited for this position as I have gained over 5 years experience at working in various different customer focust roles."
"I've attached my CV as requested and dome of my writing."
"To whom is may concerned."
And my personal favourite:
"I am a journalist, looking for a challenging career change and this opportunity looked ideal."
Was it some kind of sub-conscious foresight that made them put the opportunity in the past-tense?
Rather sadly, the majority of applications I read are depressingly inept and incompetent. You would think with a job market so badly constrained that people might want to make the extra effort. But no, slap-dash, ill thought-out submissions is the norm.
It’s mostly the cover letters that are to blame. Hastily written, not proofed properly... Yet they are the most useful part of any application. The CV is a-standard, the same for every application. But the cover letter is the thing that they have written specially for you, aimed directly at this vacancy, yet few seem to spend any time on it whatsoever. Not that CVs always come off well. Many of these are poorly thought out too.
Here are the most egregious errors I have come across, presented for your amusement, horror or education. Quotes used are real, but altered to maintain confidentiality.
Beginning your application
Just because you’re applying online, doesn’t mean that you don’t have to still be formal. It’s Dear Sir/Madam, not Hi or Hello, Greetings or salutations. I’m not your buddy; you want something from me so damn well approach me respectfully.
What always shocks me (because it seems so inconceivably stupid), is just how many applications begin ‘To whom it may concern’. Now to me, the phrase “To whom it may concern” is the kind of message I write on a notice I leave on the car that’s in my parking space, or on the gate at the end of my drive for the person whose dog is fowling outside my house. It’s a blunt and rude way to begin a letter and will get your application turned down in an instant.
Get the job title right
Here’s the opening sentence from a recent application:
”I found your advertisement for the position of article writer on Craigslist.org.”
Shame that I’d advertised for a Senior Writer not an article writer.
And pay attention to how things are spelt. I mean this in reference to how site names and company names are spelt and presented on the page. The website’s not called Gum Tree, it’s Gumtree.
Read the advert properly
Here’s another cover note opening of dubious quality:
“As a former writing teacher who currently writes and edits a wide range of writing projects full-time, I have the experience and connections to satisfactorily complete your projects on time and on budget.”
“Proud of my reputation for consistent, high quality, and affordable writing, which adheres to strict deadlines, I look forward to learning more about how I can use my experience to help achieve your writing and editing needs.”
Did I mention budgets or costs in my ad? No I did not, so that’s a sure fire way to show that the applicant has simply dusted off an old letter and not tailored it properly to this vacancy. I feel sorry for their students.
And take note of the bloody location of the job. You’re not going to be much help if you live in the Phillipines or New Delhi when the vacancy is based in bloody South London!
CVs should be two sides long
I don’t need an epic retelling of your life; I don’t need to know which primary school you went to, and every job you’ve done since you were able to walk upright. Keep it short and concise. Two sides of A4 and no more.
Photos are tacky
There’s a recent trend of people putting photos on their CVs, which, frankly, is pointless. What on earth does what you look like matter? I’ve seen pictures which made the applicant look like an adolescent super villain, and an applicant look a good ten years younger than they were. This is not helping your application. Worse still, if you’re a girl, adding a photo of yourself glammed up completely undermines any credibility you might have. Not every guy will hire you because you’re hot. Women certainly won’t!
Arrogance will get you nowhere
“This looks like an interesting position. I think I might be able to help you.”
Oh really? You might be able to help me? Well God bless you sir, please come along and give me aid in my time of need...
I am offering you a chance to work for me. I help you – you do not help me! Facts impress, not idle boasting.
Don’t be a poet
“Whilst I was overseas I enjoyed the stimulation that every new day within such a different culture offered me and the difficulty and sense of accomplishment that learning Arabic afforded me.”
And how will that help you to write ecommerce copy for me? Any writer worth his salt can smell bullsh*t a mile away.
Don’t sabotage yourself
Check out this bit of application copy:
“My English Literature with Creative Writing university degree has helped to perfect and assist in the development of my fluency of writing, accuracy in typing both oral material and written documents, writing to deadlines and researching relevant material both under the constraints of deadlines and also under the pressure of managing other projects running simultaneously.”
Paying attention to sentence length or repetition seems not have been part of this course. 55 words in one sentence, seriously? Still, it’s not as bad as this travesty. Is this person being sarcastic about being a teamplayer?:
"I'm writing to see if the position is still available. I have extensive experience writing for publication and deadline.My CV contains a full publications list at the end. I have experience writing copy, I am a good "team player", am highly organised and have strong editorial experience both in terms of academic work and in terms of editing and proofing for publication. "
Check properly before sending
Mistakes never look good, but in an application for a writing position, they are unforgivable. Here are some selected clangers:
"I believe I am greatly suited for this position as I have gained over 5 years experience at working in various different customer focust roles."
"I've attached my CV as requested and dome of my writing."
"To whom is may concerned."
And my personal favourite:
"I am a journalist, looking for a challenging career change and this opportunity looked ideal."
Was it some kind of sub-conscious foresight that made them put the opportunity in the past-tense?
Saturday, February 05, 2011
January 2011 Film Highlights
Vist the blog damn it!
Rare Exports (2010) Onni Tommila, Tommi Korpela, Per Christian Ellefsen, Ville Virtanen. Dir: Jalmari Helander
Archaeologists dig up the frozen body of Santa, who soon unleashes his wrath against the naughty. Terrific dark horror comedy with a wickedly funny anti-festive premise. It’s also visually splendid, boasting some suspenseful direction and moody scenic cinematography. An absolute hoot from start to finish.
DDDDd
The Green Hornet (2011) Seth Rogan, Jo, Cameron Diaz, Christophe Waltz. Dir: Michel Gondry
A spoilt rich layabout teams up with a fighting genius to become a new crime fighting hero. A shaky script, some good laughs, but the side-kick is more likeable and engaging than the hero. The plot doesn’t kick in until very late and Gondry is not in his element.
DDd
Ghost Ship (1943) Richard Dix. Russell Wade, Edith Barrett, Ben Bard. Dir: Mark Robson
A new ship’s officer starts suspecting that the Captain is unhinged and possibly dangerous. A tense, moody film that doesn’t quite have the chance to develop its character’s decline in its brief running time. But it retains a strong sense of mystery and atmosphere found only in the best noirs.
DDDD
Catfish (2010) Dir: Henry Joost, Ariel Schulman.
A photographer develops a multi-layered online relationship with a child artist and family, but eventually smells a rat. Documentary unveiling of an elaborate deception, which may or may not have happened. Moments certainly raise doubts, but the pay-off is worth it. A troubling film about a prevalent modern phenomenon.
DDDD
Night and the City (1950) Richard Widmark, Googie Withers, Francis L. Sullivan, Gene Tierney, Herbert Lom. Dir: Jules Dassin.
A small time tout finally finds a scheme to make him rich, but quickly makes dangerous enemies. Absolutely terrific film noir strikingly filmed in post war London. Unremittingly bleak and full of fascinating seedy characters; it’s tautly paced with always a hint of danger in the air.
DDDDD
Van Helsing (2004) Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckinsale, Richard Roxburgh, David Wenham. Dir: Steven Sommers.
The vampire hunter goes after Dracula, Frankenstein and the Wolf Man. Uses a coda of ‘more is more’ inevitably resulting in a loud, gaudy, stupid mess. The script is appalling, the dialogue: groan-inducing, acting: wooden, and the plot: hole-ridden. An insult to Universal’s monster legacy. Beckinsale’s corset – the only highlight.
D
Arsene Lupin (2005) Romain Duris, Kristin Scott Thomas, Pascal Greggory, Eva Green. Dir: Jean-Paul Salomé
A master thief with a troubled past seeks an ancient treasure with a seemingly immortal women. Stuffs so much into two hours that it never stands still for a moment, making it difficult for you to feel for the characters, or be really impacted by the drama. And it has so much potential...
DDD
Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989) William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelley, Laurence Luckinbill, James Doohan. Dir: William Shatner
A cult leader and his followers hijack Enterprise and take it on mission to find God. Why anyone thought they could satisfactorily realise such an abstract concept is anyone’s guess. There’s too much jokiness too, but at least Shatner, Nimoy and Kelley get plenty of screen time together.
DDD
Rare Exports (2010) Onni Tommila, Tommi Korpela, Per Christian Ellefsen, Ville Virtanen. Dir: Jalmari Helander
Archaeologists dig up the frozen body of Santa, who soon unleashes his wrath against the naughty. Terrific dark horror comedy with a wickedly funny anti-festive premise. It’s also visually splendid, boasting some suspenseful direction and moody scenic cinematography. An absolute hoot from start to finish.
DDDDd
The Green Hornet (2011) Seth Rogan, Jo, Cameron Diaz, Christophe Waltz. Dir: Michel Gondry
A spoilt rich layabout teams up with a fighting genius to become a new crime fighting hero. A shaky script, some good laughs, but the side-kick is more likeable and engaging than the hero. The plot doesn’t kick in until very late and Gondry is not in his element.
DDd
Ghost Ship (1943) Richard Dix. Russell Wade, Edith Barrett, Ben Bard. Dir: Mark Robson
A new ship’s officer starts suspecting that the Captain is unhinged and possibly dangerous. A tense, moody film that doesn’t quite have the chance to develop its character’s decline in its brief running time. But it retains a strong sense of mystery and atmosphere found only in the best noirs.
DDDD
Catfish (2010) Dir: Henry Joost, Ariel Schulman.
A photographer develops a multi-layered online relationship with a child artist and family, but eventually smells a rat. Documentary unveiling of an elaborate deception, which may or may not have happened. Moments certainly raise doubts, but the pay-off is worth it. A troubling film about a prevalent modern phenomenon.
DDDD
Night and the City (1950) Richard Widmark, Googie Withers, Francis L. Sullivan, Gene Tierney, Herbert Lom. Dir: Jules Dassin.
A small time tout finally finds a scheme to make him rich, but quickly makes dangerous enemies. Absolutely terrific film noir strikingly filmed in post war London. Unremittingly bleak and full of fascinating seedy characters; it’s tautly paced with always a hint of danger in the air.
DDDDD
Van Helsing (2004) Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckinsale, Richard Roxburgh, David Wenham. Dir: Steven Sommers.
The vampire hunter goes after Dracula, Frankenstein and the Wolf Man. Uses a coda of ‘more is more’ inevitably resulting in a loud, gaudy, stupid mess. The script is appalling, the dialogue: groan-inducing, acting: wooden, and the plot: hole-ridden. An insult to Universal’s monster legacy. Beckinsale’s corset – the only highlight.
D
Arsene Lupin (2005) Romain Duris, Kristin Scott Thomas, Pascal Greggory, Eva Green. Dir: Jean-Paul Salomé
A master thief with a troubled past seeks an ancient treasure with a seemingly immortal women. Stuffs so much into two hours that it never stands still for a moment, making it difficult for you to feel for the characters, or be really impacted by the drama. And it has so much potential...
DDD
Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989) William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelley, Laurence Luckinbill, James Doohan. Dir: William Shatner
A cult leader and his followers hijack Enterprise and take it on mission to find God. Why anyone thought they could satisfactorily realise such an abstract concept is anyone’s guess. There’s too much jokiness too, but at least Shatner, Nimoy and Kelley get plenty of screen time together.
DDD
Monday, January 31, 2011
Scenes from Croydon: Lower Addiscombe Super Fun Park
Concrete has never been more colourful or delightful. It's a park that appeals to all ages. Well mostly older kids. Teenagers; they particularly enjoy that bus shelter thing... and cigarettes.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
RIP Nathaniel Boothby Featherington-Smythe II
Oh poor Nathaniel. Once you were healthy, leafy and beautiful. First adopted late Summer 2009, you boasted pretty purple leaves, bright and cheerful. You were a little temperamental, your stems drooping rapidly when deprived of water. But once nourished, your colour and strength would rapidly return, and your stems and flowers would cunningly ease aside the broken office blinds to feed your lust for sunlight.
I cared for Nathaniel dutifully, and of all the content room plants, you were the boldest, the one that thrived most. But alas, I could not care for you all the time. During my absence in India, the content office was taken down to create an open plan office*. On my return, I found my team decamped to the office kitchen downstairs, sat on temporary desks while the refurbishments were taking place.
You were tragically crippled by this move. Stuck in the dark and dim kitchen, deprived of natural sunlight, your beautiful petals were malting and discoloured; your stems drooping across the counter. I scorned my writers for this shameful neglect. I quickly found you a new spot in the sunlight, somewhere safe for your recovery. But I knew, even then, that you would never be the same again.
As the months went on your colour came back and you started to grow again. But your growth was always flat, your stems bent down towards the ground. Your leaves grew large, they soaked up the sun, but you were never able to stand tall. You managed, bravely, to grow a new flower or two. Never more than one though, you didn’t quite have the strength. Despite many promising new sprouts, few came to prominence.
You seemed your healthiest in many months but as autumn drew near, it would always be a difficult time. A move into the centre of the office, well away from the windows, helped neither. Your last flower fell in October. It helped not that your were being overwatered, the foolish and unsympathetic cleaner, emptying half the unfinished cups of water from the office over you.
Your large leaves began to lose their colour. I could see that you were suffering, and I restored your place in the window. It was too late though, your leaves dying, and going unreplaced; your time had come.
In your youth, your beauty was unparalleled. You were the bright light in a career that often seemed so full of darkness. It would have been wonderful to have taken you to my new job, but I suppose as this chapter of my life closes, I too should leave you behind.
*F**king modern barbarism
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
The Agony of Indecision
So you’ve been in a job awhile. You’ve had some ups and downs. There was a time when it seemed like a land of promise, where you thought you could become indispensible and able to pitch for lots of money. But those days are long gone; financial cutbacks and some short term thinking devalued your work and you found yourself prevented from doing your job well, and constantly under fire from those who prevented you from doing it. You felt trapped, unable to improve your situation, and resented by those who work for you, those who depended on you to try to improve their lot.
Then came what seemed like the final insult, the removal off most of your responsibility and the disbanding of your time. You knew it was coming, the company had been reorganised recently, but it was as if all your effort had come to nothing. So you settled into new role, got back to doing the regular, daily writing, which is in truth what you do best. And the pressure is off, you can relax a little more and your new manager treats you well and gives you some more challenging work to do.
But you’re still getting your old wage, even though you’re not a manager, and it’s a lot more than the average employee gets. Sure, your company is doing well, but what happens when belts need tightening again? You feel bitter too, alienated from the team you once had, all your ambitions and intentions thwarted. It feels like time to move on.
You do some applications; you get some interviews and asked to do some tests. You don’t quite get what you want (to add insult to injury, someone who used to work for you got a job you yourself applied for) but finally, as Christmas approaches, leads come in abundance. Interviews are suddenly arranged, one for JML Direct, one for Totaljobs, could this be your way out after all?
Life, alas, never goes as your expect. A week before Christmas you are pulled into the office for what seems like a mundane meeting with your manager, but the director shows up and suddenly it’s getting serious. They want to know how you feel about the job , and ask you up front whether you’re looking for work, because they know about the job you didn’t get that went to the guy who used to work for you. You tell them the truth as close as you can, still not sure where this is going.
They surprise you. Say that they’re very pleased with the work you’re doing and results you’ve been getting. They want you to know that they consider you to be an essential member of staff and want to secure your ongoing commitment. They make you an offer, a very good offer. It’s the kind of offer you were hoping to secure months ago. It all sounds good; work’s near where I live, it’s challenging without being too difficult, and it would be very comfortable to stay.
So you decide to stay. But of course, you must contact those recruiters to tell them that you’ve decided to stay. You’re not specific about what position you accepted; you don’t want to tell them you’re staying after how much you said you wanted to leave. It’s difficult to turn down potential opportunities, jobs that could deliver a number of interesting possibilities. You never know what might’ve been; sorry Experian I won’t be available to interview, apologies Totaljobs, I won’t be able to come into the interview on Tuesday.
JML... Well, that’s difficult. They do everything in house, from naming new products, to creating the packaging, the instruction leaflets, the marketing campaign and even the TV and radio commercials. Quite a unique position; the sort of thing that would go on in a big agency, and across many departments, not just all in one small organisation. No, you can’t quite bring yourself to turn this one, down. After all, what’s the harm in checking it out? Nothing may even come of it.
You smile through another meeting with the director on Monday, trying to be honest without giving anything away. You go to the interview on Tuesday, seems to go well. Quite a tough test, but luckily you happened to watch one of their videos about a new fancy kitchen knife set, so bit of a stroke of luck when that’s what you need to write about.
In some ways you hope that you don’t get offered the job, that way you can take the easy decision and stay where you are for the money. Of course, nothing’s ever easy. You are offered the job the next day.
Oh what to do. All Christmas is spent trying to decide what’s best. Sure, JML is a much more interesting job, and it’s unique, and I have had plenty of issues with my current job. But the money is so good; you can do a lot with money, and in these difficult volatile economic times, having a bit of cash to hand is no bad thing.
So you decide that the best thing to do is ask JML if they can up there offer. It’s expensive to commute after all. It’s really awkward, you literally clam up, you’re so nervous asking for this. They seem responsive, but they can’t confirm until the office reopens in the new year. And you’ve got a couple of days in the office before new year. And as your boss tells you about all his plans for the new year, and about the new team member who’s starting who’s going to work for you, you feel the pangs of guilt. You want to just tell him you’re probably going to leave, but you know you can’t just in case there are any issues.
Your resolve begins to waver. You see all these news stories about rising prices and problematic economic forecasts. Do you really want to turn down the big money? JML finally call you back. They’re going to meet your offer. You feel relief, joy – but know you must face the music and come clean with your boss.
It helps not that they take time to send you the paperwork and that your boss is away for days ill. The time finally comes, and you sit before him like a naughty school child confessing to a headmaster. He’s disappointed, actually says “ where am I going to find someone as good as you?” You feel guilty, but also immense relief. You’ve done the right thing and it’s the right time to move on.
So yeah basically I’m going to work for JML Direct next month. My Viagra writing days are behind me at last!
Then came what seemed like the final insult, the removal off most of your responsibility and the disbanding of your time. You knew it was coming, the company had been reorganised recently, but it was as if all your effort had come to nothing. So you settled into new role, got back to doing the regular, daily writing, which is in truth what you do best. And the pressure is off, you can relax a little more and your new manager treats you well and gives you some more challenging work to do.
But you’re still getting your old wage, even though you’re not a manager, and it’s a lot more than the average employee gets. Sure, your company is doing well, but what happens when belts need tightening again? You feel bitter too, alienated from the team you once had, all your ambitions and intentions thwarted. It feels like time to move on.
You do some applications; you get some interviews and asked to do some tests. You don’t quite get what you want (to add insult to injury, someone who used to work for you got a job you yourself applied for) but finally, as Christmas approaches, leads come in abundance. Interviews are suddenly arranged, one for JML Direct, one for Totaljobs, could this be your way out after all?
Life, alas, never goes as your expect. A week before Christmas you are pulled into the office for what seems like a mundane meeting with your manager, but the director shows up and suddenly it’s getting serious. They want to know how you feel about the job , and ask you up front whether you’re looking for work, because they know about the job you didn’t get that went to the guy who used to work for you. You tell them the truth as close as you can, still not sure where this is going.
They surprise you. Say that they’re very pleased with the work you’re doing and results you’ve been getting. They want you to know that they consider you to be an essential member of staff and want to secure your ongoing commitment. They make you an offer, a very good offer. It’s the kind of offer you were hoping to secure months ago. It all sounds good; work’s near where I live, it’s challenging without being too difficult, and it would be very comfortable to stay.
So you decide to stay. But of course, you must contact those recruiters to tell them that you’ve decided to stay. You’re not specific about what position you accepted; you don’t want to tell them you’re staying after how much you said you wanted to leave. It’s difficult to turn down potential opportunities, jobs that could deliver a number of interesting possibilities. You never know what might’ve been; sorry Experian I won’t be available to interview, apologies Totaljobs, I won’t be able to come into the interview on Tuesday.
JML... Well, that’s difficult. They do everything in house, from naming new products, to creating the packaging, the instruction leaflets, the marketing campaign and even the TV and radio commercials. Quite a unique position; the sort of thing that would go on in a big agency, and across many departments, not just all in one small organisation. No, you can’t quite bring yourself to turn this one, down. After all, what’s the harm in checking it out? Nothing may even come of it.
You smile through another meeting with the director on Monday, trying to be honest without giving anything away. You go to the interview on Tuesday, seems to go well. Quite a tough test, but luckily you happened to watch one of their videos about a new fancy kitchen knife set, so bit of a stroke of luck when that’s what you need to write about.
In some ways you hope that you don’t get offered the job, that way you can take the easy decision and stay where you are for the money. Of course, nothing’s ever easy. You are offered the job the next day.
Oh what to do. All Christmas is spent trying to decide what’s best. Sure, JML is a much more interesting job, and it’s unique, and I have had plenty of issues with my current job. But the money is so good; you can do a lot with money, and in these difficult volatile economic times, having a bit of cash to hand is no bad thing.
So you decide that the best thing to do is ask JML if they can up there offer. It’s expensive to commute after all. It’s really awkward, you literally clam up, you’re so nervous asking for this. They seem responsive, but they can’t confirm until the office reopens in the new year. And you’ve got a couple of days in the office before new year. And as your boss tells you about all his plans for the new year, and about the new team member who’s starting who’s going to work for you, you feel the pangs of guilt. You want to just tell him you’re probably going to leave, but you know you can’t just in case there are any issues.
Your resolve begins to waver. You see all these news stories about rising prices and problematic economic forecasts. Do you really want to turn down the big money? JML finally call you back. They’re going to meet your offer. You feel relief, joy – but know you must face the music and come clean with your boss.
It helps not that they take time to send you the paperwork and that your boss is away for days ill. The time finally comes, and you sit before him like a naughty school child confessing to a headmaster. He’s disappointed, actually says “ where am I going to find someone as good as you?” You feel guilty, but also immense relief. You’ve done the right thing and it’s the right time to move on.
So yeah basically I’m going to work for JML Direct next month. My Viagra writing days are behind me at last!
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
December Film Highlights
The 50 Word Film Reviews blog has changed domains, and is getting a bit more attention now.
Tron: Legacy (2010) Jeff Bridges, Garret Hedlund, Olivia Wilde, Michael Sheen, Bruce Boxleiter. Dir: Joseph Kosinski.
Years after his computer genius father disappeared, a boy is absorbed into an artificial computer reality. Design – superb; effects – dazzling; soundtrack – excellent; plot – predictable; characters – bland; dialogue – terrible. Worth-seeing, actually yes, it’s pretty good fun, despite its obvious faults.
DDDD
The Killer Shrews (1959) James Best, Ingrid Goude, Ken Curtis, Gordon McLendon. Dir: Ray Kellogg
A group of people are trapped on an island surrounded by genetically engineered giant, poisonous shrews. No amount of exposition is going to make shrews scary, and neither is taping some shaggy carpet to some dogs. Would be hilarious if it didn’t mostly consist of people standing around being boring.
d
The Shop Around the Corner (1940) Margaret Sullavan, James Stewart, Frank Morgan, Felix Bressart. Dir: Ernst Lubitsch
A shop clerk develops a relationship with a pen-pal, little realising it’s his rival, the junior clerk. A cosy Christmas film, with very sweet comedy and a few surprising dark moments. The pacing and dialogue sweeps by so smoothly, and the romance, two romantics living mundane lives, is very enchanting.
DDDDd
Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (2010) Michael Douglas, Shia Lebeouf, Carey Mulligan, Josh Brolin, Frank Langella. Dir: Oliver Stone.
A broker seeks revenge on those who ruined his mentor, by seeking advice from his fiancee’s father, Gordon Gecko. Starts off well, but peters out and reaches an unconvincing conclusion. Focuses on personal relationships without making a clear point about today’s financial world, which is surely why it was made.
DDDd
Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979) William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, Deforest Kelly, Stephen Collins. Dir: Robert Wise.
Kirk takes control of the Enterprise again as a dangerous unknown entity plots a course for earth. Boldy goes nowhere, very slowly. It wallows in its own budget, attempting to create awe, but merely becoming tedious. Slim characterisation and a thin plot don’t help either. Thankfully, better was to come.
DDd
The Old Dark House (1932) Boris Karloff, Melvyn Douglas, Charles Laughton, Ernest Thesigner, Raymond Massey, Gloria Stuart. Dir: James Whale.
A group of travellers take refuge in a house of sinister eccentrics and their alcoholic neanderthal butler. Not really a horror, but a dark comedy about a family of insane inbreeds. Karloff is wasted, but Theisigner and the other cast are great and Whale develops a wonderful atmosphere.
DDDDd
My Summer of Love (2004) Natalie Press, Emily Blunt, Paddy Considine. Dir: Pawel Pawlikowski
An aimless young village girl and an empty wealthy middle class girl develop a relationship to escape their loneliness. A tender coming of age drama, but one with an unsettling conclusion. Both Blunt and Press put in endearing natural performances and Constantine scores highly as phony born again Christian.
DDDD
Forbidden Planet (1956) Walter Pidgeon, Leslie Nielsen, Anne Francis, Jack Kelly. Dir: Fred M. Wilcox
A space crew track down a missing doctor and his daughter, but are attacked by the monster that killed his colleagues. Slow starting, but still provides a visual treat with superb art direction and colour. It boasts an intelligent and intriguing concept even if the leads are a tad dull.
DDDDd
Tron: Legacy (2010) Jeff Bridges, Garret Hedlund, Olivia Wilde, Michael Sheen, Bruce Boxleiter. Dir: Joseph Kosinski.
Years after his computer genius father disappeared, a boy is absorbed into an artificial computer reality. Design – superb; effects – dazzling; soundtrack – excellent; plot – predictable; characters – bland; dialogue – terrible. Worth-seeing, actually yes, it’s pretty good fun, despite its obvious faults.
DDDD
The Killer Shrews (1959) James Best, Ingrid Goude, Ken Curtis, Gordon McLendon. Dir: Ray Kellogg
A group of people are trapped on an island surrounded by genetically engineered giant, poisonous shrews. No amount of exposition is going to make shrews scary, and neither is taping some shaggy carpet to some dogs. Would be hilarious if it didn’t mostly consist of people standing around being boring.
d
The Shop Around the Corner (1940) Margaret Sullavan, James Stewart, Frank Morgan, Felix Bressart. Dir: Ernst Lubitsch
A shop clerk develops a relationship with a pen-pal, little realising it’s his rival, the junior clerk. A cosy Christmas film, with very sweet comedy and a few surprising dark moments. The pacing and dialogue sweeps by so smoothly, and the romance, two romantics living mundane lives, is very enchanting.
DDDDd
Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (2010) Michael Douglas, Shia Lebeouf, Carey Mulligan, Josh Brolin, Frank Langella. Dir: Oliver Stone.
A broker seeks revenge on those who ruined his mentor, by seeking advice from his fiancee’s father, Gordon Gecko. Starts off well, but peters out and reaches an unconvincing conclusion. Focuses on personal relationships without making a clear point about today’s financial world, which is surely why it was made.
DDDd
Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979) William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, Deforest Kelly, Stephen Collins. Dir: Robert Wise.
Kirk takes control of the Enterprise again as a dangerous unknown entity plots a course for earth. Boldy goes nowhere, very slowly. It wallows in its own budget, attempting to create awe, but merely becoming tedious. Slim characterisation and a thin plot don’t help either. Thankfully, better was to come.
DDd
The Old Dark House (1932) Boris Karloff, Melvyn Douglas, Charles Laughton, Ernest Thesigner, Raymond Massey, Gloria Stuart. Dir: James Whale.
A group of travellers take refuge in a house of sinister eccentrics and their alcoholic neanderthal butler. Not really a horror, but a dark comedy about a family of insane inbreeds. Karloff is wasted, but Theisigner and the other cast are great and Whale develops a wonderful atmosphere.
DDDDd
My Summer of Love (2004) Natalie Press, Emily Blunt, Paddy Considine. Dir: Pawel Pawlikowski
An aimless young village girl and an empty wealthy middle class girl develop a relationship to escape their loneliness. A tender coming of age drama, but one with an unsettling conclusion. Both Blunt and Press put in endearing natural performances and Constantine scores highly as phony born again Christian.
DDDD
Forbidden Planet (1956) Walter Pidgeon, Leslie Nielsen, Anne Francis, Jack Kelly. Dir: Fred M. Wilcox
A space crew track down a missing doctor and his daughter, but are attacked by the monster that killed his colleagues. Slow starting, but still provides a visual treat with superb art direction and colour. It boasts an intelligent and intriguing concept even if the leads are a tad dull.
DDDDd
Saturday, January 01, 2011
Top 5 Films of 2010
I would be lying if I said I'd seen huge amounts of new films during 2010, but I've seen a fair a few and below are my five favourites. This is based on films released in the UK in 2010, at least one of these was first out in 2009, but not over here, so I couldn't have seen it. It was a tough job, several films almost made it onto the list* but these 5 superlative effort are the one's I feel stop out for me the most.
5) Four Lions
Starring: Riz Ahmed, Arsher Ali, Nigel Lindsay, Kayvan Novak, Adeel Akhtar. Directed by Chris Morris.
A comedy that’s hilarious, but really isn’t very funny. For the first hour we can laugh at the wannabee jihadists incompetence and their ridiculous half-baked ideology, but when they descend on London for the final part, strapped to explosives, their antics become truly frightening. It’s an intelligent and insightful film, which makes a convincing argument that the threat comes less from terrorists, but from more familiar outcasts of society. Just ones with explosive ambitions.
4) Inception
Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Mark Hardy, Ellen Page, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Cillian Murphy. Directed by Christopher Nolan
A rare example of the intelligent summer blockbuster. Dark, mysterious and complex; it combines spectacular effects with thought-provoking concepts about our perceptions of reality and the sanctity of our own thoughts. It sweeps you up with a formidable pace, and yes, it’s very convoluted, and there may be too many layers to the puzzle box, but excitement and intrigue by far win out.
3) The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Starring: Michael Nyqvist, Noomi Rapace, Sven-Bertil Taube, Peter Haber. Directed by Niels Arden Oplev.
A thriller par-excellence. A case of a powerful, incestuous family, with dark secrets is not especially original, and could’ve been given a rather mundane treatment. But the success of the books is in its characters, the formidable morale crusader Blomkvist, and more interestingly, Lisbeth Salander, the goth-computer hacker with a disturbing past and a determination never to be defeated. Nyqvist and Rapace evocatively bring both characters to life, and the icy cold cinematography and careful pacing makes this one of the most exciting and tense mysteries to hit the screen in many years. It was such a hard act to follow that the second and third parts of the trilogy had a tough time competing. And by default, the prospects for the American remake already look bleak.
On a personal note, seeing this film also gave me one of my own personal all-time favourite cinema moments. During one particularly tense scene, one revelation gave a member of the audience such a shock that he literally jumped out of his own chair, and threw his hands up in the air, resembling a solo, spontaneous Mexican wave.
2)The Illusionist
Directed by Sylvain Chomet.
One of two films that left me emotionally drained (see the other below) the Illusionist is the belated second feature animation from Sylvain Chomet, director of Bellevue Rendezvous. It’s based on a never-produced script from French director and comedian Jacques Tati and it follows a stage musician who finds his act going out of date during the sudden cultural upheaval of the 60s. His search for work takes him all the way to Scotland, where in a village he meets a young girl who believes in magic, who then becomes his travelling companion.
The film is melancholy when at its most jolly, and absolutely tear-jerking when at its most tragic. The magician’s life is saved when he meets this young girl, while his contemporaries are not so fortunate. Their careers over, they turn to alcoholism and suicide. The music halls close, and the theatres fill the bill with new beat combos, and our leads future continues to look uncertain. You’d have to have a heart of stone not to feel for those left behind at the cost of the changing times; their long practiced arts suddenly devalued and rendered obsolete. And the animation is stunning; the streets scenes of old Edinburgh are so gorgeous. A downer, but a beautiful one.
1)The Secret in their Eyes
Starring Ricardo DarÃn, Soledad Villamil, Javier Godino, Guillermo Francella, Pablo Rago. Directed by Juan José Campanella
It’s hard to know where to begin with a film that just has so much going on. To summarise the plot, an Argentinean detective returns home after many years away, planning to write a novel based on an old rape case. Although nasty, the case itself does not immediately appear to be exceptional, but then of course, much more is going on. The detective was in love with the young prosecutor on the case, and their meeting years later rekindles old feelings. And the case turns out to have been far from easily resolved.
This is a film that never quite reveals its full hand. Even when you think you have the full story, it still manages to produce a surprise from nowhere. And although it eventually delivers a happy ending, it’s far from sugar coated. It’s rich with symbolis:, love, loss, regret, corruption, revenge, action, intigue – it has it all, and never feels overcrowded, overblown, contrived, or earnest. The blend is perfect, and the film more than deserved it’s Oscar. Simply one of the best films I’ve ever seen.
* oh Human Centipede, you were so close.
5) Four Lions
Starring: Riz Ahmed, Arsher Ali, Nigel Lindsay, Kayvan Novak, Adeel Akhtar. Directed by Chris Morris.
A comedy that’s hilarious, but really isn’t very funny. For the first hour we can laugh at the wannabee jihadists incompetence and their ridiculous half-baked ideology, but when they descend on London for the final part, strapped to explosives, their antics become truly frightening. It’s an intelligent and insightful film, which makes a convincing argument that the threat comes less from terrorists, but from more familiar outcasts of society. Just ones with explosive ambitions.
4) Inception
Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Mark Hardy, Ellen Page, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Cillian Murphy. Directed by Christopher Nolan
A rare example of the intelligent summer blockbuster. Dark, mysterious and complex; it combines spectacular effects with thought-provoking concepts about our perceptions of reality and the sanctity of our own thoughts. It sweeps you up with a formidable pace, and yes, it’s very convoluted, and there may be too many layers to the puzzle box, but excitement and intrigue by far win out.
3) The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Starring: Michael Nyqvist, Noomi Rapace, Sven-Bertil Taube, Peter Haber. Directed by Niels Arden Oplev.
A thriller par-excellence. A case of a powerful, incestuous family, with dark secrets is not especially original, and could’ve been given a rather mundane treatment. But the success of the books is in its characters, the formidable morale crusader Blomkvist, and more interestingly, Lisbeth Salander, the goth-computer hacker with a disturbing past and a determination never to be defeated. Nyqvist and Rapace evocatively bring both characters to life, and the icy cold cinematography and careful pacing makes this one of the most exciting and tense mysteries to hit the screen in many years. It was such a hard act to follow that the second and third parts of the trilogy had a tough time competing. And by default, the prospects for the American remake already look bleak.
On a personal note, seeing this film also gave me one of my own personal all-time favourite cinema moments. During one particularly tense scene, one revelation gave a member of the audience such a shock that he literally jumped out of his own chair, and threw his hands up in the air, resembling a solo, spontaneous Mexican wave.
2)The Illusionist
Directed by Sylvain Chomet.
One of two films that left me emotionally drained (see the other below) the Illusionist is the belated second feature animation from Sylvain Chomet, director of Bellevue Rendezvous. It’s based on a never-produced script from French director and comedian Jacques Tati and it follows a stage musician who finds his act going out of date during the sudden cultural upheaval of the 60s. His search for work takes him all the way to Scotland, where in a village he meets a young girl who believes in magic, who then becomes his travelling companion.
The film is melancholy when at its most jolly, and absolutely tear-jerking when at its most tragic. The magician’s life is saved when he meets this young girl, while his contemporaries are not so fortunate. Their careers over, they turn to alcoholism and suicide. The music halls close, and the theatres fill the bill with new beat combos, and our leads future continues to look uncertain. You’d have to have a heart of stone not to feel for those left behind at the cost of the changing times; their long practiced arts suddenly devalued and rendered obsolete. And the animation is stunning; the streets scenes of old Edinburgh are so gorgeous. A downer, but a beautiful one.
1)The Secret in their Eyes
Starring Ricardo DarÃn, Soledad Villamil, Javier Godino, Guillermo Francella, Pablo Rago. Directed by Juan José Campanella
It’s hard to know where to begin with a film that just has so much going on. To summarise the plot, an Argentinean detective returns home after many years away, planning to write a novel based on an old rape case. Although nasty, the case itself does not immediately appear to be exceptional, but then of course, much more is going on. The detective was in love with the young prosecutor on the case, and their meeting years later rekindles old feelings. And the case turns out to have been far from easily resolved.
This is a film that never quite reveals its full hand. Even when you think you have the full story, it still manages to produce a surprise from nowhere. And although it eventually delivers a happy ending, it’s far from sugar coated. It’s rich with symbolis:, love, loss, regret, corruption, revenge, action, intigue – it has it all, and never feels overcrowded, overblown, contrived, or earnest. The blend is perfect, and the film more than deserved it’s Oscar. Simply one of the best films I’ve ever seen.
* oh Human Centipede, you were so close.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Snow
Many people have fallen victim to the UK's pitifully woeful response to snowy conditions. I fortunately was only slightly effected, alas, others I know have missed their holidays, or been stuck in airports for days.
By far however, my favourite snow related travel mishap has occured within the A50 tunnel in Stoke. The A50 is a bypass which handily allows you to pass right through Stoke-on-Trent with ease. The A50 tunnel passes under a round-about in the town of Meir, handily helping to reduce traffic in this very busy area.
However, due to the snow, there was a power cut, and the lights inside the tunnel, which is not very long, went out. Thus, for the safety of drivers the tunnel was closed. This of course led to huge traffic jams and more stress during the holiday period.
This incident did make we wonder whether some one ought to invent some kind of device, which you could attach to a car, that would allow you to see in the dark. Some sort of illuminating device that drivers could use in times of reduced vision that would help them to see where they were going...
Merry Christmas.
By far however, my favourite snow related travel mishap has occured within the A50 tunnel in Stoke. The A50 is a bypass which handily allows you to pass right through Stoke-on-Trent with ease. The A50 tunnel passes under a round-about in the town of Meir, handily helping to reduce traffic in this very busy area.
However, due to the snow, there was a power cut, and the lights inside the tunnel, which is not very long, went out. Thus, for the safety of drivers the tunnel was closed. This of course led to huge traffic jams and more stress during the holiday period.
This incident did make we wonder whether some one ought to invent some kind of device, which you could attach to a car, that would allow you to see in the dark. Some sort of illuminating device that drivers could use in times of reduced vision that would help them to see where they were going...
Merry Christmas.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Saturday, December 04, 2010
November Film Highlights
Read more at the blog.
The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest (2010) Noomi Rapace, Michael Nyqvist, Lena Endre, Annika Halin. Dir: Daniel Alfredson
While Lisbeth recovers in hospital, Blomkvist tries to uncover the organisation that’s determined to silence her. The final chapter is a conspiracy thriller; lower on incidence but still maintains the same edge-of-the-seat tension. If only Rapace and Nyqvist had more screen time together. A fine end to a fine trilogy.
DDDDd
The Incredible Shrinking Man (1957) Grant Williams,Randy Stuart, April Kent, Paul Langton. Dir: Jack Arnold
A man is caught in a strange mist, and begins to shrink. Too melodramatic, it’s not ‘till the second half that it becomes the adventure yarn it should be. Effects are decent, but ostentatious narration will make you cheer for him to be squished .And the ending is unbelievable.
DDD
Murder, My Sweet (1944) Dick Powell, Claire Trevor, Anne Shirley, Otto Kruger. Dir: Edward Dmytryk
A botched ransome handover and a missing nightclub singer add up to trouble for Philip Marlow. Unfairly overshadowed by Bogart, Powell is excellent as the cynical PI, and backed by a strong supporting cast. Set the template for many seedy noir thrillers to come, and benefits from sequences of expressionist flair.
DDDDd
The Mark of the Vampire (1935) Lionel Barrymore, Bela Lugosi, Lionel Atwill, Elizabeth Allan. Dir: Tod Browning.
Vampires are accused of murdering a wealthy man and return for his daughter a year later. One of the silliest and most anti-climatic of early horrors. Lugosi lingers silently while Barrymore chatters endlessly. Sort of fun; the ending is so nonsensical that one expects a Shyamalan remake any day now.
DDD
The Abominable Dr Phibes (1971) Vincent Price, Joseph Cotten, Peter Jeffrey, Virginia North. Dir: Robert Fuest
A mad organist plans elaborate deaths for the doctors responsible for his wife death. Deliberately outlandish horror lark which delights in camp flamboyance. Being built around grisly, creative, death sequences causes some pacing issues, but if viewed with tongue in cheek it is more than worth a few good laughs.
DDDd
Mystery at the Wax Museum (1933) Lionel Atwill, Fay Wray, Glenda Farrell,Frank McHugh. Dir: Michael Curtiz
A new wax museum opens, but the sculptures are too life-like, almost familiar.... Superior to the remakes, but seldom seen. It’s not just fascinating for its early colour and pre-production code dialogue, but also for it’s fine set design, dramatic direction and extremely strong script.
DDDDd
House of Wax (1953) Vincent Price, Frank Lovejoy, Charles Bronson, Carolyn Jones. Dir: Andre De Toth.
Another new wax museum opens, but the sculptures are far too life like, almost familiar... Inferior to the original, in both direction and the script, but generally good fun. The horror is played up and Price is good fun as always as the villain. Was originally 3D, hence the amazing paddle-ball man.
DDDd
House of Wax (2005) Elisha Cuthbert, Chad Michael Murray, Brian Van Holt, Paris Hilton. Dir: Jaume Collet-Serra.
Beautiful youngsters get stranded near a ghost town with a sinister wax museum. It’s as if they wanted to remake Texas Chainsaw but were forced to do this instead. They clearly didn’t understand what made the originals work and made a bland, clichéd, rubbish teen slasher instead. It’s boring too.
Dd
The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest (2010) Noomi Rapace, Michael Nyqvist, Lena Endre, Annika Halin. Dir: Daniel Alfredson
While Lisbeth recovers in hospital, Blomkvist tries to uncover the organisation that’s determined to silence her. The final chapter is a conspiracy thriller; lower on incidence but still maintains the same edge-of-the-seat tension. If only Rapace and Nyqvist had more screen time together. A fine end to a fine trilogy.
DDDDd
The Incredible Shrinking Man (1957) Grant Williams,Randy Stuart, April Kent, Paul Langton. Dir: Jack Arnold
A man is caught in a strange mist, and begins to shrink. Too melodramatic, it’s not ‘till the second half that it becomes the adventure yarn it should be. Effects are decent, but ostentatious narration will make you cheer for him to be squished .And the ending is unbelievable.
DDD
Murder, My Sweet (1944) Dick Powell, Claire Trevor, Anne Shirley, Otto Kruger. Dir: Edward Dmytryk
A botched ransome handover and a missing nightclub singer add up to trouble for Philip Marlow. Unfairly overshadowed by Bogart, Powell is excellent as the cynical PI, and backed by a strong supporting cast. Set the template for many seedy noir thrillers to come, and benefits from sequences of expressionist flair.
DDDDd
The Mark of the Vampire (1935) Lionel Barrymore, Bela Lugosi, Lionel Atwill, Elizabeth Allan. Dir: Tod Browning.
Vampires are accused of murdering a wealthy man and return for his daughter a year later. One of the silliest and most anti-climatic of early horrors. Lugosi lingers silently while Barrymore chatters endlessly. Sort of fun; the ending is so nonsensical that one expects a Shyamalan remake any day now.
DDD
The Abominable Dr Phibes (1971) Vincent Price, Joseph Cotten, Peter Jeffrey, Virginia North. Dir: Robert Fuest
A mad organist plans elaborate deaths for the doctors responsible for his wife death. Deliberately outlandish horror lark which delights in camp flamboyance. Being built around grisly, creative, death sequences causes some pacing issues, but if viewed with tongue in cheek it is more than worth a few good laughs.
DDDd
Mystery at the Wax Museum (1933) Lionel Atwill, Fay Wray, Glenda Farrell,Frank McHugh. Dir: Michael Curtiz
A new wax museum opens, but the sculptures are too life-like, almost familiar.... Superior to the remakes, but seldom seen. It’s not just fascinating for its early colour and pre-production code dialogue, but also for it’s fine set design, dramatic direction and extremely strong script.
DDDDd
House of Wax (1953) Vincent Price, Frank Lovejoy, Charles Bronson, Carolyn Jones. Dir: Andre De Toth.
Another new wax museum opens, but the sculptures are far too life like, almost familiar... Inferior to the original, in both direction and the script, but generally good fun. The horror is played up and Price is good fun as always as the villain. Was originally 3D, hence the amazing paddle-ball man.
DDDd
House of Wax (2005) Elisha Cuthbert, Chad Michael Murray, Brian Van Holt, Paris Hilton. Dir: Jaume Collet-Serra.
Beautiful youngsters get stranded near a ghost town with a sinister wax museum. It’s as if they wanted to remake Texas Chainsaw but were forced to do this instead. They clearly didn’t understand what made the originals work and made a bland, clichéd, rubbish teen slasher instead. It’s boring too.
Dd
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
The 50 Word Curse
I’m approaching my 200th review on the 50 Word Film Reviews Blog, and if you add reviews published on this blog, far more than that. The blog is boasting, on average, a hundred hits a day, which is not bad for something I have no idea how to promote, and has a dedicated 16 – 18 daily readers (woo-hoo). And in terms of ad revenue I have earned an estimated 7 pence (that’s estimated, not confirmed)
In order to keep the blog supplied with daily reviews, I have been putting up 5 a week. Now I have of course been reprinting the reviews featured on this blog, but they can only last so long. And for the past month and a half I’ve been trying my best to not use the remaining old reviews, which are not many in number. I’ve been using new reviews, brand-spanking new reviews from films I’ve newly sat down and watched.
Now just try and think about this logistically. 5 films for 5 entries – every week. Now as the average film is 90 minutes in length we are talking about roughly, 7 and a half hours every week spent watching films, minimum.
I don’t have to tell you how f*****g difficult that is. Believe it or not, I do have a reasonably active social life and also have French lessons* currently biting away at my time. This is quite a commitment and one I’m not fulfilling with ease.
One might wonder whether, considering the results, it’s really worth all this effort. Not that I couldn’t do with the occasional additional seven pence or so. Oh well, I’m up for a challenge. Let’s see how long I can keep this up.
*I shit ye not. Can’t say as I’m doing very well either.
In order to keep the blog supplied with daily reviews, I have been putting up 5 a week. Now I have of course been reprinting the reviews featured on this blog, but they can only last so long. And for the past month and a half I’ve been trying my best to not use the remaining old reviews, which are not many in number. I’ve been using new reviews, brand-spanking new reviews from films I’ve newly sat down and watched.
Now just try and think about this logistically. 5 films for 5 entries – every week. Now as the average film is 90 minutes in length we are talking about roughly, 7 and a half hours every week spent watching films, minimum.
I don’t have to tell you how f*****g difficult that is. Believe it or not, I do have a reasonably active social life and also have French lessons* currently biting away at my time. This is quite a commitment and one I’m not fulfilling with ease.
One might wonder whether, considering the results, it’s really worth all this effort. Not that I couldn’t do with the occasional additional seven pence or so. Oh well, I’m up for a challenge. Let’s see how long I can keep this up.
*I shit ye not. Can’t say as I’m doing very well either.
Monday, November 22, 2010
For the Love of: Proper Movie Trailers
Whether the output of Hollywood today is better or worse than it has been before*, one thing is for certain, and that is that the quality of film trailers is most definitely in decline. If you needed proof, take a look at this trailer for the new George Clooney movie. I wonder if the hunter is going to become the hunted....
Not so long ago I blogged about horror movie trailers. They were pretty silly, but they illustrate how a movie trailer can make a film look and appear exciting, even when the film itself is probably dreadful. Think to yourself, when was the last time you saw a film trailer that made you really excited about seeing film?
And I don’t mean that film that you were excited about seeing already; it doesn’t count if you wet yourself watching the new Harry Potter trailer, you were excited about seeing that anyway. But when was the last time you heard about a film you’d never heard about and were persuaded by the trailer to see it. I can’t think of many.
Here are a few examples of the lost art of the movie trailer. Yeah, they’re a bit long, but they weren’t just out-sourced to some lousy marketing company, filmmakers took proper time to make them and even film special footage for them....
*Well it's certainly not better is it? Just arguably not worse.
Not so long ago I blogged about horror movie trailers. They were pretty silly, but they illustrate how a movie trailer can make a film look and appear exciting, even when the film itself is probably dreadful. Think to yourself, when was the last time you saw a film trailer that made you really excited about seeing film?
And I don’t mean that film that you were excited about seeing already; it doesn’t count if you wet yourself watching the new Harry Potter trailer, you were excited about seeing that anyway. But when was the last time you heard about a film you’d never heard about and were persuaded by the trailer to see it. I can’t think of many.
Here are a few examples of the lost art of the movie trailer. Yeah, they’re a bit long, but they weren’t just out-sourced to some lousy marketing company, filmmakers took proper time to make them and even film special footage for them....
*Well it's certainly not better is it? Just arguably not worse.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Album review
I wrote this album review a short while ago....
It's for Clinic's most recent album Bubblegum. I didn't care for it much.
It's for Clinic's most recent album Bubblegum. I didn't care for it much.
Sunday, November 07, 2010
October Film Highlights
The obligatory link to the blog.
The Illusionist (2010) Dir: Sylvian Chomet.
A musical hall magician struggling to find work in the 60s meets a girl in Scotland who believes in magic. A film so beautiful (the Edinbugh scenes are stunning), yet so heart-wrenchingly tragic - it deals with the casualties of the changing times. It’ll put a tear in your eye.
DDDDD
Cat People (1982) Nastassja Kinski, Malcolm McDowell, John Heard, Annette O'Toole. Dir: Paul Schrader
An orphan finds her brother, who believes they are were-cats that can only mate with each other. The subtly of the original is lost on this tawdry and lurid remake. The story, now more erotic than horrific, has potential, but it’s undermined by melodramatic direction and some laughably gratuitous nudity.
DDD
Scott Pilgrim Vs the World (2010) Michael Cera, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Kieran Culkin, Brandon Routh, Jason Schwartzman. Dir: Edgar Wright.
A slacker kid falls in love with a mysterious girl, but must battle her seven evil exes before he can win her heart. Hilarious teen romance transformed into an action comic book and pop-culture piss-take. A little long perhaps, but consistently funny and imaginatively brought to life on screen.
DDDD
It Happened One Night (1934) Clark Gable, Claudette Colbert, Walter Connolly, Roscoe Karns Dir: Frank Capra
An heiress on the run from her father gets help from a willing journalist as she tries to reach her new husband. One of the first and best road-trip comedies. Gable and Colbert are the perfect double act, the screenplay is virtually laugh-a-minute, and Capra never lets the pace drop.
DDDDD
She (1965) Ursula Andress, Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, John Richardson, Bernard Cribbins. Dir: Robert Day
A former soldier is lead to a lost city by ‘she who must be obeyed’ as she believes him to be her reincarnated lover. Much more lavish than the average hammer horror, but pretty dull otherwise. The pace is languid and the leads have no chemistry. Lee is completely wasted.
DDd
The Seventh Victim (1943) Tom Conway, Jean Brooks, Isabel Jewell, Kim Hunter. Dir: Mark Robson.
A girl comes to the city in search of her missing sister and uncovers a sinister conspiracy. With excellent cinematography and a great build-up, it’s a real shame that this one doesn’t quite deliver, due to a vague expurgated script and cinema’s dullest cult of Satanists.
DDD
W (2008) Josh Brolin, Elizabeth Banks, James Cromwell, Ellen Burstyn, Richard Dreyfuss. Dir: Oliver Stone.
A look at George Dubya’s rise and time in power. Starts off with a balanced portrayal but slips eventually into parody. The needlessly non-linear storyline only emphasises the lack of focus, taking chunks of Ws life without really providing an overarching thesis. The supporting cast are all one dimensional.
DDD
A Bucket of Blood (1959) Dick Miller, Ed Nelson, Bert Convy, Antony Carbone. Dir: Roger Corman
A young artist becomes a success after creating a series of very life-like sculptures... Amusing Corman cheapie which has some good pops at pretentious artists and their world. Naturally the sets are few, and it’s not exactly thrilling (there’s no bucket or blood), but it’s a pleasant 60 minute distraction.
DDDd
The Illusionist (2010) Dir: Sylvian Chomet.
A musical hall magician struggling to find work in the 60s meets a girl in Scotland who believes in magic. A film so beautiful (the Edinbugh scenes are stunning), yet so heart-wrenchingly tragic - it deals with the casualties of the changing times. It’ll put a tear in your eye.
DDDDD
Cat People (1982) Nastassja Kinski, Malcolm McDowell, John Heard, Annette O'Toole. Dir: Paul Schrader
An orphan finds her brother, who believes they are were-cats that can only mate with each other. The subtly of the original is lost on this tawdry and lurid remake. The story, now more erotic than horrific, has potential, but it’s undermined by melodramatic direction and some laughably gratuitous nudity.
DDD
Scott Pilgrim Vs the World (2010) Michael Cera, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Kieran Culkin, Brandon Routh, Jason Schwartzman. Dir: Edgar Wright.
A slacker kid falls in love with a mysterious girl, but must battle her seven evil exes before he can win her heart. Hilarious teen romance transformed into an action comic book and pop-culture piss-take. A little long perhaps, but consistently funny and imaginatively brought to life on screen.
DDDD
It Happened One Night (1934) Clark Gable, Claudette Colbert, Walter Connolly, Roscoe Karns Dir: Frank Capra
An heiress on the run from her father gets help from a willing journalist as she tries to reach her new husband. One of the first and best road-trip comedies. Gable and Colbert are the perfect double act, the screenplay is virtually laugh-a-minute, and Capra never lets the pace drop.
DDDDD
She (1965) Ursula Andress, Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, John Richardson, Bernard Cribbins. Dir: Robert Day
A former soldier is lead to a lost city by ‘she who must be obeyed’ as she believes him to be her reincarnated lover. Much more lavish than the average hammer horror, but pretty dull otherwise. The pace is languid and the leads have no chemistry. Lee is completely wasted.
DDd
The Seventh Victim (1943) Tom Conway, Jean Brooks, Isabel Jewell, Kim Hunter. Dir: Mark Robson.
A girl comes to the city in search of her missing sister and uncovers a sinister conspiracy. With excellent cinematography and a great build-up, it’s a real shame that this one doesn’t quite deliver, due to a vague expurgated script and cinema’s dullest cult of Satanists.
DDD
W (2008) Josh Brolin, Elizabeth Banks, James Cromwell, Ellen Burstyn, Richard Dreyfuss. Dir: Oliver Stone.
A look at George Dubya’s rise and time in power. Starts off with a balanced portrayal but slips eventually into parody. The needlessly non-linear storyline only emphasises the lack of focus, taking chunks of Ws life without really providing an overarching thesis. The supporting cast are all one dimensional.
DDD
A Bucket of Blood (1959) Dick Miller, Ed Nelson, Bert Convy, Antony Carbone. Dir: Roger Corman
A young artist becomes a success after creating a series of very life-like sculptures... Amusing Corman cheapie which has some good pops at pretentious artists and their world. Naturally the sets are few, and it’s not exactly thrilling (there’s no bucket or blood), but it’s a pleasant 60 minute distraction.
DDDd
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Scenes from Croydon
Yes, Electric House, sounds like a place of atmosphere, a place of excitement.... Is it a legendary music venue? A club where banging tunes are pumped out from dawn till dusk? Where legends of music, the Stones, The Pistols, The Clash, played live? Where they recorded heavily bootlegged Peel sessions before they hit the big time?
Or is it location of one of the UK Border Agencies offices? Yes, it's the second one. Welcome to Croydon, Land of Disappointment.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Scenes from Stoke: The Council House Palace
A man’s home is his castle - as the saying goes, and the owner of this fine abode in the upmarket neighbourhood of Meir has taken that sentiment very much to heart. So proud of his home was he that he decided to raise columns as if it were some kind of Greek palace - just one with double glazing.
And with these fine columns, he constructed a balcony. Somewhere where he could relax and enjoy the atmosphere, site and smells. That of the A50 dual carriageway, Stoke-On-Trent’s most famous and popular road.
Popular of course, as it’s the quickest way to drive through Stoke without having to stop. Alas, last time I passed by, the house was up for sale. Sadly, the owner has had a spot of bother with some of the neighbours. Particularly with one who was a BNP member, who I believe is now dead. Who would’ve thought that the creator of such beauty could be unhinged...
And with these fine columns, he constructed a balcony. Somewhere where he could relax and enjoy the atmosphere, site and smells. That of the A50 dual carriageway, Stoke-On-Trent’s most famous and popular road.
Popular of course, as it’s the quickest way to drive through Stoke without having to stop. Alas, last time I passed by, the house was up for sale. Sadly, the owner has had a spot of bother with some of the neighbours. Particularly with one who was a BNP member, who I believe is now dead. Who would’ve thought that the creator of such beauty could be unhinged...
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
September Film Highlights
Check out the 50 Word Film Review Blog for more. Some people actually commented on it last week, it's really going places...
Inception (2010) Leonardo DiCaprio, Marion Coutillard, Tom Hardy, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ellen Page. Dir: Christopher Nolan.
DiCaprio extracts secrets through people’s dreams, but can he plant an idea in the same way? A dense mind-bending blend of concepts that can dazzle, baffle, inspire and confuse all at once. Easy to pick holes, but sweeps you up with such creativity, mystery and spectacle, that it barely matters.
DDDDD
The Secret in Their Eyes (2010) Ricardo DarÃn, Soledad Villamil, Guillermo Francella, Pablo Rago. Dir: Juan José Campanella
A retired detective revisits an old case he wishes to turn into a novel, reawakening old emotions and an unrequited love. Touches on many themes, love, loss, justice, regret, letting go; the actors and direction are immaculate and constantly manages to surprise. Best film of the year?
DDDDDd
Cloverfield (2008) Michael Stahl-David, T. J. Miller, Jessica Lucas, Odette Yustman, Lizzy Caplan. Dir: Matt Reeves.
A monster attacks New York while beautiful teens have a party; they capture the action on camera as they flee. An interesting conceit, but not one that ever really convinces thanks to the clichéd characters, consistent camera work and movie plotting. Nevetheless, it does provide plenty of excitement.
DDDD
Hunger (2008) Michael Fassbender, Liam Cunningham, Liam McMahon, Raymond Lohan. Dir: Steve McQueen.
When the no-wash protest fails to restore their rights as political prisoners, Irish Republican Bobby Sands goes on hunger strike. A brutal and troubling film about people so determined to win at all costs that they lose sight of what they’re trying to achieve. Fassbender and Cunningham are electric.
DDDDD
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007) Brad Pitt, Casey Affleck, Jeremy Renner, Sam Rockwell. Dir: Andrew Dominik.
Robert Ford idolises outlaw Jesse James and the two of them develop a strained relationship. A slow burner which pays off in the final hour, though it always proceeds at a stately pace. Stunningly shot, the title is misleading, but then again, legends aren't built on truth.
DDDDD
The Good German (2006) George Clooney, Cate Blanchett, Tobey Maguire. Dir: Steven Soderburgh
A military journalist encounters his old flame in post WW2 Berlin and gets sucked into a murder investigation. Cleverly wraps a noir storyline around a convincing historical scenario, and the cinematography is striking, but Clooney’s character is thin and the twists become irritating rather than intriguing. A missed opportunity.
DDD
Cat People (1942) Simone Simon, Kent Smith, Tom Conway, Jane Randolph. Dir: Jacques Tourneur.
Irena is afraid of showing affection for her husband for fear of transforming into a vicious cat. The first of Val Lewton’s horrors virtually invented the technique of never showing your monster. Psychologically complex and featuring Tourneurs characteristics shadows, it has style and depth that few other horrors can match.
DDDDd
Inception (2010) Leonardo DiCaprio, Marion Coutillard, Tom Hardy, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ellen Page. Dir: Christopher Nolan.
DiCaprio extracts secrets through people’s dreams, but can he plant an idea in the same way? A dense mind-bending blend of concepts that can dazzle, baffle, inspire and confuse all at once. Easy to pick holes, but sweeps you up with such creativity, mystery and spectacle, that it barely matters.
DDDDD
The Secret in Their Eyes (2010) Ricardo DarÃn, Soledad Villamil, Guillermo Francella, Pablo Rago. Dir: Juan José Campanella
A retired detective revisits an old case he wishes to turn into a novel, reawakening old emotions and an unrequited love. Touches on many themes, love, loss, justice, regret, letting go; the actors and direction are immaculate and constantly manages to surprise. Best film of the year?
DDDDDd
Cloverfield (2008) Michael Stahl-David, T. J. Miller, Jessica Lucas, Odette Yustman, Lizzy Caplan. Dir: Matt Reeves.
A monster attacks New York while beautiful teens have a party; they capture the action on camera as they flee. An interesting conceit, but not one that ever really convinces thanks to the clichéd characters, consistent camera work and movie plotting. Nevetheless, it does provide plenty of excitement.
DDDD
Hunger (2008) Michael Fassbender, Liam Cunningham, Liam McMahon, Raymond Lohan. Dir: Steve McQueen.
When the no-wash protest fails to restore their rights as political prisoners, Irish Republican Bobby Sands goes on hunger strike. A brutal and troubling film about people so determined to win at all costs that they lose sight of what they’re trying to achieve. Fassbender and Cunningham are electric.
DDDDD
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007) Brad Pitt, Casey Affleck, Jeremy Renner, Sam Rockwell. Dir: Andrew Dominik.
Robert Ford idolises outlaw Jesse James and the two of them develop a strained relationship. A slow burner which pays off in the final hour, though it always proceeds at a stately pace. Stunningly shot, the title is misleading, but then again, legends aren't built on truth.
DDDDD
The Good German (2006) George Clooney, Cate Blanchett, Tobey Maguire. Dir: Steven Soderburgh
A military journalist encounters his old flame in post WW2 Berlin and gets sucked into a murder investigation. Cleverly wraps a noir storyline around a convincing historical scenario, and the cinematography is striking, but Clooney’s character is thin and the twists become irritating rather than intriguing. A missed opportunity.
DDD
Cat People (1942) Simone Simon, Kent Smith, Tom Conway, Jane Randolph. Dir: Jacques Tourneur.
Irena is afraid of showing affection for her husband for fear of transforming into a vicious cat. The first of Val Lewton’s horrors virtually invented the technique of never showing your monster. Psychologically complex and featuring Tourneurs characteristics shadows, it has style and depth that few other horrors can match.
DDDDd
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
What I Learnt this Week...
The study of stamps and postal history is called Philately.
Which doesn't at all sound like something rude when you say it out loud.
Which doesn't at all sound like something rude when you say it out loud.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
From Dave's News Place....
Researchers prove that money can buy you happiness
Click on news story to zoom in.
All the Dave's News Place stories have now been migrated to this blog. You can find them all by clicking the tab at the top middle.
Click on news story to zoom in.
All the Dave's News Place stories have now been migrated to this blog. You can find them all by clicking the tab at the top middle.
Thursday, September 09, 2010
10 More Things You Probably Didn't Know About The Federated State of Micronesia
1) Micronesia is scattered over an ocean expanse 5 times the size of France, although its total land mass is very small.
2) As part of their ‘Compact of Free Association’ with the US, the US takes responsibility for the defence of the island and has the right to set up military bases and deny other nations access to Micronesia. In return, Micronesia receives $100m in financial aid per year, and Micronesians have the right to live and work in the US.
3) Despite its small population, Micronesia has a high unemployment rate, a problem which is being exacerbated by the number of Filipino migrant workers.
4) Many Micronesians live without electricity or running water, which is in short supply and is sometimes rationed.
5) Micronesia has no daily newspaper, but the government does print a fortnightly newsletter for all citizens.
6) Despite being the largest and most populous island in Micronesia, Pohnpei only has about 10 restaurants.
7) The State of Kosrae is an island which is called ‘the sleeping lady’ because of it’s shape. See for yourself...
8) The Island state of Pohnpei is one of the wettest places on earth, with an average rainfall exceeding 300 inches.
9) Pohnpei is often accused of having a national football team that is “the worst team in the world”, although Pohnpei is not actually a nation.
10) The most noticeable Micronesian athlete is Elias Rodriguez, who ran in the Sydney Olympics. He finished last; the closing ceremony was in fact delayed to allow his finish.
2) As part of their ‘Compact of Free Association’ with the US, the US takes responsibility for the defence of the island and has the right to set up military bases and deny other nations access to Micronesia. In return, Micronesia receives $100m in financial aid per year, and Micronesians have the right to live and work in the US.
3) Despite its small population, Micronesia has a high unemployment rate, a problem which is being exacerbated by the number of Filipino migrant workers.
4) Many Micronesians live without electricity or running water, which is in short supply and is sometimes rationed.
5) Micronesia has no daily newspaper, but the government does print a fortnightly newsletter for all citizens.
6) Despite being the largest and most populous island in Micronesia, Pohnpei only has about 10 restaurants.
7) The State of Kosrae is an island which is called ‘the sleeping lady’ because of it’s shape. See for yourself...
8) The Island state of Pohnpei is one of the wettest places on earth, with an average rainfall exceeding 300 inches.
9) Pohnpei is often accused of having a national football team that is “the worst team in the world”, although Pohnpei is not actually a nation.
10) The most noticeable Micronesian athlete is Elias Rodriguez, who ran in the Sydney Olympics. He finished last; the closing ceremony was in fact delayed to allow his finish.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
August Film Highlights
Read more at the 50 Word Film Reviews blog...
The Girl Who Played with Fire (2010) Noomi Rapace, Michael Nyqvist, Lena Endre, Peter Andersson. Dir: Daniel Alfredson.
Lisbeth is accused of the murder of 3 people, Blomkvist must dig deep into her dark past in order to save her. Never quite catches fire like the previous instalment, but the ending sure does leave you desperate for more. The actors, photography and direction remain impeccable.
DDDDd
Soylent Green (1973) Charlton Heston, Edward G Robinson, Leigh Taylor-Young, Chuck Connors. Dir: Richard Fleischer
Earth is overcrowded; mankind relies on the Soylent company for food, and one of their former executives has been murdered. A sour but quite brilliant piece of science fiction. Well realised, despite modest effects, it believably portrays what our future might be, and provides disturbing food for thought.
DDDDd
The Killer Inside Me (2010) Casey Affleck, Jessica Alba, Kate Hudson, Bill Pullman. Dir: Michael Winterbottom
A sheriff begins an abusive relationship with a prostitute, awaking a desire for sadism and murder. Affleck is brilliant as the sweet voiced young psychopath, but this noir tale of dark goings on in a small town offers very little that’s not been seen before, besides the brutal violence.
DDD
Fallen Angel (1945) Alice Faye, Dana Andrews, Linda Darnell, Charles Bickford, John Carradine. Dir: Otto Preminger.
A broke publicity man falls for a waitress, but marries a widower for her money; then the waitress is murdered. Has its moments, Andrews redemption, Carradine’s as a dodgy psychic... but thin characterisations let it down. Waitress is such a cow, it’s hard to fathom why everyone wants her.
DDDd
Oldboy (2003) Choi Min-sik, Yu Ji-tae, Kang Hye-jeong. Dir: Park Chan-wook.
A man kidnapped, locked-up and released after 15 years, without explanation, picks up a hammer and looks for answers. Grabs you by the throat and doesn’t let go, right up to the jaw-dropping finale. The only way to be free is to leave the past behind... Brutal and completely brilliant.
DDDDD
The Invisible Man (1932) Claude Rains, Gloria Stuart, Henry Travers, William Harrigan. Dir: James Whale.
A man who cannot be seen goes insane and terrorises a small town. The first and best version; the dramatic, but often hilarious script, is killer, and the effects are still impressive. Whale is at the top of his game and Rains manic performance is the icing on the cake.
DDDDD
The Girl Who Played with Fire (2010) Noomi Rapace, Michael Nyqvist, Lena Endre, Peter Andersson. Dir: Daniel Alfredson.
Lisbeth is accused of the murder of 3 people, Blomkvist must dig deep into her dark past in order to save her. Never quite catches fire like the previous instalment, but the ending sure does leave you desperate for more. The actors, photography and direction remain impeccable.
DDDDd
Soylent Green (1973) Charlton Heston, Edward G Robinson, Leigh Taylor-Young, Chuck Connors. Dir: Richard Fleischer
Earth is overcrowded; mankind relies on the Soylent company for food, and one of their former executives has been murdered. A sour but quite brilliant piece of science fiction. Well realised, despite modest effects, it believably portrays what our future might be, and provides disturbing food for thought.
DDDDd
The Killer Inside Me (2010) Casey Affleck, Jessica Alba, Kate Hudson, Bill Pullman. Dir: Michael Winterbottom
A sheriff begins an abusive relationship with a prostitute, awaking a desire for sadism and murder. Affleck is brilliant as the sweet voiced young psychopath, but this noir tale of dark goings on in a small town offers very little that’s not been seen before, besides the brutal violence.
DDD
Fallen Angel (1945) Alice Faye, Dana Andrews, Linda Darnell, Charles Bickford, John Carradine. Dir: Otto Preminger.
A broke publicity man falls for a waitress, but marries a widower for her money; then the waitress is murdered. Has its moments, Andrews redemption, Carradine’s as a dodgy psychic... but thin characterisations let it down. Waitress is such a cow, it’s hard to fathom why everyone wants her.
DDDd
Oldboy (2003) Choi Min-sik, Yu Ji-tae, Kang Hye-jeong. Dir: Park Chan-wook.
A man kidnapped, locked-up and released after 15 years, without explanation, picks up a hammer and looks for answers. Grabs you by the throat and doesn’t let go, right up to the jaw-dropping finale. The only way to be free is to leave the past behind... Brutal and completely brilliant.
DDDDD
The Invisible Man (1932) Claude Rains, Gloria Stuart, Henry Travers, William Harrigan. Dir: James Whale.
A man who cannot be seen goes insane and terrorises a small town. The first and best version; the dramatic, but often hilarious script, is killer, and the effects are still impressive. Whale is at the top of his game and Rains manic performance is the icing on the cake.
DDDDD
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
10 things you probably didn’t know about the Federated States of Micronesia
1, The Federated States of Micronesia is made up of four states: Yap, Chuuk, Pohnpei and Kosrae.
2, Micronesia is made up of 607 different islands, spreading over 1,700 miles.
3, Despite spreading across more than 1,000,000 square miles, the islands themselves only have 270 square miles of land.
4, The population of Micronesia is only 108,105
5, English is the official language of the Federated States, but each state has its own language: Trukese, Pohnpeian, Yapese, Kosraean.
6, The islands of Yap is home to more than 6,500 Rai Stones large limestone discs, some as large as wagon wheels, with a hole carved in the middle. They are thought to be a form of ancient currency.
7, Many natives of Pohnpei exhibit an extreme form of colour blindness known as maskun.
8, The Federated States of Micronesia formed their own constitution in 1979. Prior to this, they had been a United Nations Trust Territory under U.S. administration.
9, Their currency is the US dollar.
10, Over the last 10 years, there has been on average 38 people in prison at a time.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
What I learnt this week...
This week I learnt that peope with a BMI (body mass index) of over 50 are known as the 'super obese'.
I imagine it's because this is the stage at when a fat person begins to develop super powers. They no longer have to consume food; they can simply absorb anything by smoothering it with their own mass.
Apologies for the infrequent posting, but I am extremely busy at the moment, with work and... other things. I would elaborate, but I may be being watched...
I imagine it's because this is the stage at when a fat person begins to develop super powers. They no longer have to consume food; they can simply absorb anything by smoothering it with their own mass.
Apologies for the infrequent posting, but I am extremely busy at the moment, with work and... other things. I would elaborate, but I may be being watched...
Sunday, August 01, 2010
Film Highlights from July
Read more at the 50 Word Film Reviews blog.
The Fountain (2006) Hugh Jackman, Rachel Weisz. Dir: Darren Aronofsky
In 3 different time periods a man tries to save his dying love with the help of the tree of life. A dazzling rush that packs a breathtaking amount into 95 minutes. Metaphysical clap-trap or a meditation on love, destiny and death? – opinions will be divided. Definitely worth seeking out.
DDDDd
Man On Wire (2008) Dir: James Marsh
Wire walker Philippe Petit has (illegally) done his act across landmarks all over the world, but his dream is the twin towers... An absolutely gripping story of obsession and daring with a fascinating cast of characters. Not just a brilliant story, but a brilliant piece of documentary filmmaking.
DDDDD
Hard Candy(2005) Ellen Page, Patrick Wilson. Dir: David Slade.
A man lures a 14 year old he met on the internet to his home, but then she takes him hostage. Sharply directed psychological thriller with 2 exceptional lead performances, but it goes on too long and the final quarter is more clichéd. Warning: includes some mild castration.
DDDD
Get Carter(1971) Michael Caine, Ian Hendry, John Osborne, Britt Ekland. Dir: Mike Hodges
A violent London gangster travels up north to find out who killed is brother. A stark, cold thriller that features Caine in one of his most striking and impressive roles as brutal sociopath. What it lacks in substance, it more than makes up for in style, intensity and pure grit.
DDDDd
This Film Is Not Yet Rated(2002) Dir: Kirby Dick.
A look into the secretive Motion Picture Association of America and how it rates films. A bold eye-opening look at the hypocrisy and bizarre behaviour of a subtly powerful organisation, which culminates in the unmasking of its secret raters. A smart, insightful argument for a better system.
DDDDd
Road to Perdition(2002) Tom Hanks, Paul Newman, Jude Law, Daniel Craig. Dir: Sam Mendes.
A high ranking mobster must go on the run with his son, after he witnesses a murder carried out by the boss’ son. A handsome looking film, but ultimately, not a very gripping one. The film feels slow, the characters 1 dimensional, and Hanks is just too dull.
DDD
Harvey(1950) James Stewart, James Stewart, Josephine Hull, Peggy Dow, Charles Drake. Dir: Henry Koster.
Jolly Stewart’s relatives try to have him committed for having an invisible 6 foot rabbit as a best friend. A delightful farce; Steward is wonderful as jolly hero whose relentless optimism and cheer brings out the madness and eventually, the best in others. Supporting cast is also excellent.
DDDDD
Battle of Algiers(1966) Brahim Haggiag, Jean Martin, Saadi Yacef. Dir: Gillo Pontecorvo.
A reconstruction of events in Algiers in the 50s as the French try to suppress the movement for independence. So realistic in its depiction of guerrilla warfare it was screened at the pentagon before the Iraq war. A masterpiece of realism, as relevant today as it ever was.
DDDDDd
The Fountain (2006) Hugh Jackman, Rachel Weisz. Dir: Darren Aronofsky
In 3 different time periods a man tries to save his dying love with the help of the tree of life. A dazzling rush that packs a breathtaking amount into 95 minutes. Metaphysical clap-trap or a meditation on love, destiny and death? – opinions will be divided. Definitely worth seeking out.
DDDDd
Man On Wire (2008) Dir: James Marsh
Wire walker Philippe Petit has (illegally) done his act across landmarks all over the world, but his dream is the twin towers... An absolutely gripping story of obsession and daring with a fascinating cast of characters. Not just a brilliant story, but a brilliant piece of documentary filmmaking.
DDDDD
Hard Candy(2005) Ellen Page, Patrick Wilson. Dir: David Slade.
A man lures a 14 year old he met on the internet to his home, but then she takes him hostage. Sharply directed psychological thriller with 2 exceptional lead performances, but it goes on too long and the final quarter is more clichéd. Warning: includes some mild castration.
DDDD
Get Carter(1971) Michael Caine, Ian Hendry, John Osborne, Britt Ekland. Dir: Mike Hodges
A violent London gangster travels up north to find out who killed is brother. A stark, cold thriller that features Caine in one of his most striking and impressive roles as brutal sociopath. What it lacks in substance, it more than makes up for in style, intensity and pure grit.
DDDDd
This Film Is Not Yet Rated(2002) Dir: Kirby Dick.
A look into the secretive Motion Picture Association of America and how it rates films. A bold eye-opening look at the hypocrisy and bizarre behaviour of a subtly powerful organisation, which culminates in the unmasking of its secret raters. A smart, insightful argument for a better system.
DDDDd
Road to Perdition(2002) Tom Hanks, Paul Newman, Jude Law, Daniel Craig. Dir: Sam Mendes.
A high ranking mobster must go on the run with his son, after he witnesses a murder carried out by the boss’ son. A handsome looking film, but ultimately, not a very gripping one. The film feels slow, the characters 1 dimensional, and Hanks is just too dull.
DDD
Harvey(1950) James Stewart, James Stewart, Josephine Hull, Peggy Dow, Charles Drake. Dir: Henry Koster.
Jolly Stewart’s relatives try to have him committed for having an invisible 6 foot rabbit as a best friend. A delightful farce; Steward is wonderful as jolly hero whose relentless optimism and cheer brings out the madness and eventually, the best in others. Supporting cast is also excellent.
DDDDD
Battle of Algiers(1966) Brahim Haggiag, Jean Martin, Saadi Yacef. Dir: Gillo Pontecorvo.
A reconstruction of events in Algiers in the 50s as the French try to suppress the movement for independence. So realistic in its depiction of guerrilla warfare it was screened at the pentagon before the Iraq war. A masterpiece of realism, as relevant today as it ever was.
DDDDDd
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Cultural Fun Things I Did Around London
I enjoyed a number of cultural type entertainments last week, here’s what they were and what they were like:
An Audience with Clarke Peters
The Wire’s Lester Freeman took the stage to discuss his career, his big TV break through and his socio-political views of life in London. It was pretty sweltering in the E4 Udderbelly tent, and the small audience where perspiring heavily while the old luvvy regaled us with his acting adventures. It was clear from the off that Mr Peters was pretty full of himself, and some his jokes found more favour from him than the audience. An impersonation of Lance Reddick’s walk met with general all round bemusement.
Still, Mr Peters had plenty of interesting stories, of particular interest where his tales of preparing for The Wire by spending time with Policeman in Baltimore, as well as the turf wars caused because of filming – gangs were forced to move to different corners. Now an expert on racial tensions, Peters went on to quiz the audience as to whether they thought London was going the same way as Baltimore. To be fair to him, his opinions were sensible and well balanced. And his stories about doing school theatre with the Travolta family raised a few smiles. An engaging, if slightly too self -assured, performance.
Penn & Teller: Live at the Hammersmith Apollo
Me and my brother used to watch Penn & Teller when we were kids so we both had a sense of excitement at seeing these two old pros. We weren’t disappointed; besides being great magicians and professional showmen, Penn & Teller are also excellent comedians, and while certain tricks were designed to surprise and delight, others were simply there for comic value.
Amongst the highlights was Penn guessing what joke members of the audience at the back of the auditorium had chosen from joke books distributed at random; and Penn getting a card trick apparently wrong thus preventing him from saving Teller from drowning in a water tank. Perhaps the best trick was about misdirection; a man from the audience was given control of a camera, which record scenes played on the screens on either side of the stage. Penn then performed slight of hand tricks in front of the camera, deliberately directing the limited view scope away from Teller who was rather obviously handing and taking away objects in full view of the audience. But the trick was on us, the man from the audience was Teller after all. And the man handing Penn objects had disappeared...
Smart, fun and very, very funny.
An Audience with Alexei Sayle
Sayle is often considered to be the father of alternative comedy, and was voted number 12 in Channel 4’s Top 100 stand-ups list. Yet, Sayle hasn’t done stand up since the mid 80’s. As a fan of his work, seeing him read extracts from his new autobiography ‘Stalin Ate My Homework’ was as close as I was going to get. It was easy, right from the off, to see why Sayle was so popular. He comes on, arms outstretched - an enormous, unstoppable personality. While seen mostly today as an interviewee or documentary presenter, on stage Sayle becomes unstoppable, almost rabid, as he tells tall tales of growing up in a strict communist household.
Highlights included the time he was prevented from seeing fascist Disney’s Bambi, and instead, was given a real treat – a chance to see Sergei Eisenstein’s 1939 classic Alexander Nevsky. Then there was the time he swore in front of his mother, which unleashed so many years of repressed swearing from her, that from that point on, she swore more heavily than anyone Sayle knew, to the point where he was afraid to bring his friends home.
The audience deliberately tried to rile him up with questions about Ben Elton and the Communist Worker’s Party. But Sayle loudly implored them to give him a break when quizzed on the current coalition government. All in all, he was in fine form, a larger than life personality who really ought to be on stage or on TV much more than he is.
British Film Institute Lectures: ‘This Film is Dangerous’ and ‘The Search for the Most Wanted’
Despite being sweltering outside, these 2 illuminating talks, which were staged to celebrate 75 years of the National Film archive, were largely packed out.
The first talk discussed nitrate film, the explosive former film stock which was used once in all cinemas around Britain, but today, is largely illegal. Only the British Film Institute is legally able to show the films, which besides being highly flammable, also decay considerably over time. The talk included an educational film which showed how to deal with fires caused by nitrate film. The answer being, actually, very little if you let it get going. The stuff is quite terrifying once it sparks. Although with the copy and paste film slides, and some video queuing issues, it was a little amateurish, it was a well constructed and interesting talk about an important part of cinema history.
The 2nd talk was about films missing from the archive and showed some of the existing footage that had been discovered. Things were a lot more organised this time, but with the differing films and the almost random selection of films, it was a little disjointed. Nevertheless it was very informative the speakers were very engaging and there was a touch of mystery about seeing parts of film which may never actually get shown on a big screen again.
An Audience with Clarke Peters
The Wire’s Lester Freeman took the stage to discuss his career, his big TV break through and his socio-political views of life in London. It was pretty sweltering in the E4 Udderbelly tent, and the small audience where perspiring heavily while the old luvvy regaled us with his acting adventures. It was clear from the off that Mr Peters was pretty full of himself, and some his jokes found more favour from him than the audience. An impersonation of Lance Reddick’s walk met with general all round bemusement.
Still, Mr Peters had plenty of interesting stories, of particular interest where his tales of preparing for The Wire by spending time with Policeman in Baltimore, as well as the turf wars caused because of filming – gangs were forced to move to different corners. Now an expert on racial tensions, Peters went on to quiz the audience as to whether they thought London was going the same way as Baltimore. To be fair to him, his opinions were sensible and well balanced. And his stories about doing school theatre with the Travolta family raised a few smiles. An engaging, if slightly too self -assured, performance.
Penn & Teller: Live at the Hammersmith Apollo
Me and my brother used to watch Penn & Teller when we were kids so we both had a sense of excitement at seeing these two old pros. We weren’t disappointed; besides being great magicians and professional showmen, Penn & Teller are also excellent comedians, and while certain tricks were designed to surprise and delight, others were simply there for comic value.
Amongst the highlights was Penn guessing what joke members of the audience at the back of the auditorium had chosen from joke books distributed at random; and Penn getting a card trick apparently wrong thus preventing him from saving Teller from drowning in a water tank. Perhaps the best trick was about misdirection; a man from the audience was given control of a camera, which record scenes played on the screens on either side of the stage. Penn then performed slight of hand tricks in front of the camera, deliberately directing the limited view scope away from Teller who was rather obviously handing and taking away objects in full view of the audience. But the trick was on us, the man from the audience was Teller after all. And the man handing Penn objects had disappeared...
Smart, fun and very, very funny.
An Audience with Alexei Sayle
Sayle is often considered to be the father of alternative comedy, and was voted number 12 in Channel 4’s Top 100 stand-ups list. Yet, Sayle hasn’t done stand up since the mid 80’s. As a fan of his work, seeing him read extracts from his new autobiography ‘Stalin Ate My Homework’ was as close as I was going to get. It was easy, right from the off, to see why Sayle was so popular. He comes on, arms outstretched - an enormous, unstoppable personality. While seen mostly today as an interviewee or documentary presenter, on stage Sayle becomes unstoppable, almost rabid, as he tells tall tales of growing up in a strict communist household.
Highlights included the time he was prevented from seeing fascist Disney’s Bambi, and instead, was given a real treat – a chance to see Sergei Eisenstein’s 1939 classic Alexander Nevsky. Then there was the time he swore in front of his mother, which unleashed so many years of repressed swearing from her, that from that point on, she swore more heavily than anyone Sayle knew, to the point where he was afraid to bring his friends home.
The audience deliberately tried to rile him up with questions about Ben Elton and the Communist Worker’s Party. But Sayle loudly implored them to give him a break when quizzed on the current coalition government. All in all, he was in fine form, a larger than life personality who really ought to be on stage or on TV much more than he is.
British Film Institute Lectures: ‘This Film is Dangerous’ and ‘The Search for the Most Wanted’
Despite being sweltering outside, these 2 illuminating talks, which were staged to celebrate 75 years of the National Film archive, were largely packed out.
The first talk discussed nitrate film, the explosive former film stock which was used once in all cinemas around Britain, but today, is largely illegal. Only the British Film Institute is legally able to show the films, which besides being highly flammable, also decay considerably over time. The talk included an educational film which showed how to deal with fires caused by nitrate film. The answer being, actually, very little if you let it get going. The stuff is quite terrifying once it sparks. Although with the copy and paste film slides, and some video queuing issues, it was a little amateurish, it was a well constructed and interesting talk about an important part of cinema history.
The 2nd talk was about films missing from the archive and showed some of the existing footage that had been discovered. Things were a lot more organised this time, but with the differing films and the almost random selection of films, it was a little disjointed. Nevertheless it was very informative the speakers were very engaging and there was a touch of mystery about seeing parts of film which may never actually get shown on a big screen again.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Scenes From Stoke: The Church of the Holy Boxing
Worship not on thy knees, but with thy fists. Sadly, religeon hasn't been so popular in Stoke of recent times, except with kids who like to pick up rocks and throw them at windows. But casual violence has continued to grow and grow, so why not get the kids in to pay to hit each other, while their birds get a tan out back? Twas an idea as divine as heaven itself.
Friday, July 02, 2010
June Film Highlights
Find more at the old 50 Word Reviews Blog
Four Lions (2010) Riz Ahmed, Arsher Ali, Nigel Lindsay, Kayvan Novak, Adeel Akhtar, Dir: Chris Moriss.
A group of wannabee jihadists argue about what to try and blow-up. A dark comedy which gets plenty of lives aims at the incompetence, ignorance and stupidity of the faux terrorists. The problem is that they’re still just as effective at taking lives and causing anarchy. A frightening film.
DDDDd
Peeping Tom (1960) Carl Boehm, Moira Shearer, Anna Massey, Maxine Audley. Dir: Michael Powell.
A girl becomes attracted to a cameraman who secretly films women as he murders them. Months before Psycho, Powell created a complex psychological film that destroyed his career. The exploration of voyeurism is quite fascinating. But if you’re not swept up by it, you might notice a variety of implausibilities.
DDDD
The Bed-Sitting Room (1969) Rita Tushingham, Peter Cook, Spike Milligan, Dudley Moore, Arther Lowe, Marty Feldman. Dir: Richard Lester.
In post apocalyptic Britain, a young mother and her family return to the surface and move into a man who has mutated into a bed-sitting room. A genuine curiosity. Surreal and bleak, there are brilliant ideas, and the landscape is truly startling, but it’s hard to follow and very disjointed.
DDD
American – The Bill Hicks Story (2010) Dir: Matt Harlock
A solid overview of the life of one Americas most controversial cult comedians. The participation of close family and friends provides a lovingly detailed look at his formative years, but the impact of his later controversial material seems a little unexplored. It’s also a little hard to tell who’s talking.
DDDD
Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans (2010) Nicholas Cage, Eva Mendes, Val Kilmer, Brad Dourif. Dir Werner Herzog.
After injuring his back saving a prisoner’s life, a Police Lieutenant becomes addicted to narcotics and slides of the rails. Cage seems to be playing a comedy character but in a very serious film. Hard to be sure exactly what Herzog’s trying to say, it’s bewildering and a little unsatisfying.
DDDd
Kick Ass (2010) Aaron Johnson, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Nicolas Cage, Mark Strong. Dir: Matthew Vaughn
A geeky teen dons a costume and becomes a super hero, but things get very serious when he crosses a mob boss and a rival hero team. Although the premise is more original, this action packed film soon becomes very much like the standard super hero fair. Still entertaining enough though.
DDDd
Four Lions (2010) Riz Ahmed, Arsher Ali, Nigel Lindsay, Kayvan Novak, Adeel Akhtar, Dir: Chris Moriss.
A group of wannabee jihadists argue about what to try and blow-up. A dark comedy which gets plenty of lives aims at the incompetence, ignorance and stupidity of the faux terrorists. The problem is that they’re still just as effective at taking lives and causing anarchy. A frightening film.
DDDDd
Peeping Tom (1960) Carl Boehm, Moira Shearer, Anna Massey, Maxine Audley. Dir: Michael Powell.
A girl becomes attracted to a cameraman who secretly films women as he murders them. Months before Psycho, Powell created a complex psychological film that destroyed his career. The exploration of voyeurism is quite fascinating. But if you’re not swept up by it, you might notice a variety of implausibilities.
DDDD
The Bed-Sitting Room (1969) Rita Tushingham, Peter Cook, Spike Milligan, Dudley Moore, Arther Lowe, Marty Feldman. Dir: Richard Lester.
In post apocalyptic Britain, a young mother and her family return to the surface and move into a man who has mutated into a bed-sitting room. A genuine curiosity. Surreal and bleak, there are brilliant ideas, and the landscape is truly startling, but it’s hard to follow and very disjointed.
DDD
American – The Bill Hicks Story (2010) Dir: Matt Harlock
A solid overview of the life of one Americas most controversial cult comedians. The participation of close family and friends provides a lovingly detailed look at his formative years, but the impact of his later controversial material seems a little unexplored. It’s also a little hard to tell who’s talking.
DDDD
Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans (2010) Nicholas Cage, Eva Mendes, Val Kilmer, Brad Dourif. Dir Werner Herzog.
After injuring his back saving a prisoner’s life, a Police Lieutenant becomes addicted to narcotics and slides of the rails. Cage seems to be playing a comedy character but in a very serious film. Hard to be sure exactly what Herzog’s trying to say, it’s bewildering and a little unsatisfying.
DDDd
Kick Ass (2010) Aaron Johnson, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Nicolas Cage, Mark Strong. Dir: Matthew Vaughn
A geeky teen dons a costume and becomes a super hero, but things get very serious when he crosses a mob boss and a rival hero team. Although the premise is more original, this action packed film soon becomes very much like the standard super hero fair. Still entertaining enough though.
DDDd
About Me
- Dave Paul Nixon
is a writer for better and for worse. I got in above my station writing for M&S, but was credit crunched down to writing about sex toys, Viagra and herpes meds. I’m now taking a step back towards legitimacy by writing for JML Direct. I’m awkward and don’t like much.
