David Goes to Barcelona: Day Two

The second day, me and Chris hoped to visit the Montserrat Hill Monastery. An ancient high monastery commanding beautiful views of the city and reachable via a quaint old hillside train. After much uphill walking, we found we couldn’t take the train because the queue was massive.

Instead, we decided to go to the nearby Science Museum. This turned out to be the best decision of the weekend. For some reason they have a submarine in the middle of the road on the way there.

 

The science museum, the CosmoCaixa, boasts stunning modernist design, both outside and in.





When you begin, you descend via a spiral walkway, journeying deep into the earth to explore where life first began.



 

While all the evolutionary exhibitions were interesting, the big attraction was the indoor rainforest. It was almost 30 degrees outisde, so naturally we wanted to go somewhere hotter.

 

 

There was a variety of tropical fish, of all shapes and sizes.



 

… A small number of tropical birds and animals…

And a number of creepy crawlies.

 

Then, to really enliven the holiday, we went to see an exhibit about infectious diseases. Apparently this is a glass representation of SARS.



 

 

After another fine meal, it was time to go on a tour of old Barcelona, or Catalonia as the locals like to call it.

 

They like cathedrals in Barcelona; you can’t go through more than a few streets without coming across another one.

 



 

Still, they do know how to give them a bit of variety. This one, Cathedral of Santa Eulàlia, had a rather nice grove inside it.

 

But in another recurring motif, this Cathedral took over a hundred years to complete, because the money ran out. And like the Segrada, it ended up with several different styles. In this case some of the features had been taken from another nearby building when that had been refurbished, rather than let its features be wasted.

 

 

We were taken to what was once the Catalan palace. The yard here is where executions would take place. They were quite rigorous executions – one chap, an assassin no less, had his skin boiled loose, and was then skinned, dragged around town by horses and then disemboweled.
 

 

We then finished the tour with another Cathedral. Then we were shown the memorial for those who died defending the city in the years it was under seige and then conquered by the Spanish. It was a good tour, lots of history; I even remember some of it.
 

 

It was a very busy, extremely educational, cultural day. There was almost no time for silliness.

 

 

And sadly no time for shopping either.

After one more nice meal of tapas, the short break was over. I flew back the next day, with almost no mishaps. My ticket didn’t say which terminal I was going from; fortunately I guessed right. Then I couldn’t find my way to security, but I followed some disabled people and found my way and it was all ok from there.
 

And when I got back to Croydon it was a temperate 9 degrees – good old Britain.

Copy Fail: Vodafone

Read this copy and tell me what you think the answer is...

 

 

It's down isn't it? The first thing you think of is down. Even if they were trying to be contrary, trying to go somewhere unexpected, it's not unexpected. It's not clever, funny, or memorable, and you probably wouldn't even notice the 'unexpected' answer because the advertising front of a newspaper is an inconvenience that distracts you from the headlines. Once you turn the page, where do your eyes go? 

 

 

 



And being voted the best is quite a big deal too. What a way to crap on your own parade.

David Goes to Barcelona: Day One

Recently I took my first ever trip to Barcelona, and Spain in fact, in celebration of my friends Droz's 30th birthday. It started characteristically well for me, I arrived to a torrential rain storm and was soaked just going from the plane to the shuttle bus.

Then I found that my mobile (not that most sophisticated grant you) wasn’t picking up a signal. I was supposed to phone ahead to say when I was on my way to Placa Catalunya. Managing to find the bus there, I ended up begging other people on the bus to use their mobile phones. Fortunately, my friend Chris had just happened to have gone to the bus stop at the same time to wait for me, so all was saved.

Our accommodation was not far from the town centre, a B&B that was essentially someone’s flat. It had one of those old fashioned wood panelled elevators, which we used frequently.

After a wet first evening waiting around and then trying to find a restaurant that didn’t exist, we got things going on the next day by visiting Park Guell, an elaborate hillside park designed by Catalan architect Antoni Gaudí, displaying his full frothy style.

From these scenes its clear that Gaudi has a thing for cake and sand castles.

 

And that all manufacturers of ornaments for gold fish bowls have taken their lead from him.
 

 

There is, uniquely, an escalator route upto Guell. Shame we didn’t find it until we started on the way back.

After a rather disgusting lunch at an appalling café (fortunately the only culinary disaster of the weekend) we went over to the Sagrada Família, Gaudi’s rather staggering cathedral. One side is quite abstract...

The other more gothic, if it does appear to be melting. The Cathedral has never been finished (and there’s much debate as to whether it should be finished). This is something or a recurring there for cathedrals in Barcelona, of which there are many. All the good ones have taken at least 100 hundred years to get completed.

We were sadly unable to go into the cathedral due to huge queues. We then decided to go to the Picasso museum. Following much walking around in circles, we found that we could get in because of large queues. We spend the rest of the afternoon exploring the sculptures and odd pieces of art along the harbour.

After much wandering about in the evening, we enjoyed a really good meal of tapas and the got badly ripped off at a Ramplas bar. More to follow…
 

 

Comic Book Villain of the Week

Crime Man

A man made of crime perhaps? Little is known about Crime Man, although he does have a very intimidating C on his top, so we can assume his crimes are not covert in nature.

He was a one time villain of Captain Marvel Jnr, a character himself who seems oddly superfluous. The point of Captain Marvel was that he was a young boy who had the power to change into a super-powered grown-up, so why would you have a child version?

Still, look at that beard. Definitely a dangerous fellow.

I think this could explain a lot...

September Film Highlights

Read the 50 Word blog if you can; I work very hard on it.

Dredd (2012) Karl Urban, Olivia Thirlby, Wood Harris, Lena Headey. Dir: Pete Travis

Judge (jury & executioner) Dredd is trapped with a rookie in an office-block, hunted by a gang. Tightly-woven actioneering with plenty of violence and thrills, if few surprises. Hardly thought-provoking, but successfully showcases potential for future franchising. Urban manages to avoid sounding silly, but distinguishing between judges is a problem.

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God Told Me To (1976) Tony Lo Bianco, Deborah Raffin, Sandy Dennis, Sylvia Sidney, Sam Levene. Dir: Larry Cohen.

A Catholic policeman is distressed when several spree-killers claim God told them to kill. Makes The Omen seem like a skip through the park. The rough edges to this trippy horror actually work for it, creating an off-balance vision of religion and divinity which is psychedelic, mind-bending and very disturbing.

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The Trial (1962) Anthony Perkins, Orson Welles, Jeanne Moreau, Romy Schneider, Akim Tamiroff, Elsa Martinelli. Dir: Orson Welles.

A man is arrested but without being told the reason. The surreal, black comedy of Kafka’s tale gives Welles plenty of opportunity to display his visual showmanship, transforming a ruined railway station into a decaying symbol of inertia, and self-consuming corruption. But like Josef’s case, it goes nowhere slowly.

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Rebecca (1940) Laurence Olivier, Joan Fontaine, Judith Anderson, George Sanders, Nigel Bruce, C. Aubrey Smith, Gladys Cooper. Dir: Alfred Hitchcock.

A young girl marries a wealthy older man, but the shadow of his first wife hangs over her. Whatever battles Hitch and Selznick fought were ultimately worth it. It’s more Hollywood than Hitchcock, but this beautiful gothic melodrama is full of the master’s touches. Performances are pitch perfect.

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Murders in the Rue Morgue (1932) Bela Lugosi, Sidney Fox, Leon Ames, Bert Roach, Brandon Hurst. Dir: Robert Florey.

A sideshow doctor wishes to combine the blood of his gorilla with a compatible female. Florey and cameraman Freund are an expressionistic dream team; every frame is exquisitely composed (even the monkey’s well handled). Surprisingly macabre, studio mandated cuts leave sections a bit choppy, and the support characters are rubbish.

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The Bat (1959) Vincent Price, Agnes Moorehead, Gavin Gordon, John Sutton, Lenita Lane. Dir: Crane Wilbur.

A fortune may be hidden in an old mansion and it’s sought by the a killer known as The Bat. Ropey old mystery play transferred to the screen with little imagination and a great deal of clumsy exposition. Very silly, very dated, and the twist is nicked from Agatha Christie.

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Edge of Sanity (1989) Anthony Perkins, Glynis Barber, Sarah Maur-Thorp, David Lodge, Ben Cole. Dir: Gerard Kikoine.

When Jekyll becomes Hyde, long supressed desires are awakened. Takes the sexual undertones to their zenith, while relating the tale to Jack the Ripper, though that’s oddly incidental. Psychology’s rather simple and ultimately the story has nowhere to go but silly, and that’s in addition to gigglesome Ken-Russell-esque sauce and flamboyance.

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Comic Book Villain of the Week

Asbestos Man

Not actually a man made of asbestos, but a man in an asbestos suit. Orson Kasloff was a scientist who felt he wasn’t earning enough money in the science business, so he turned to a life of crime instead, as you do.

 

Failing in an early attempt to rob a bank, he struggled to put together a crime posse. He then decided the best way to get some street cred was to defeat superhero the Human Flame

Apparently wealthy enough to buy a castle, he challenged the Human Torch to a fight. He made himself a suit made of asbestos, a shield made of Super Asbestos and a net that could catch fire balls and throw them back at his enemy.

He was able to defeat the Human Torch once using a trapdoor to drop him in his moat. Asbestos Man was later defeated, however, when the Human Torch returned and suffocated him by using up all the oxygen in his castle.

Nothing was seen of Asbestos for many years, until 2011, when he re-appeared, claiming to have survived cancer, to fight the Great Lake Avengers. None of them wanted to take Asbestos Man into custody for fear of becoming ill.

 

Some of My Favourite Infomercials

These days I find myself having to watch infomercials quite a lot, as is the nature of my job. Here are a few of my favourites...

Urine Gone

I’m all for naming a product after what it does, but maybe they should’ve picked something a little more nuanced? And I can’t help but feel, in the case of the woman who has lots of dogs, maybe she should just train them better?

Pizzarette

Hold your own bad Italian stereotype parties with Pizzarette, as recommended by an anonymous chef with a very authentic accent. My favourite part is the bit when the woman has to yell “I love tuna”, just to get a word in. And how are you pronouncing Pizzarette again?

Potty Putter

Isn’t the risk with this product (and I accept there are a number of fundamental flaws) that every time you play golf, you’ll only be able to putt while squatting with your trousers down? Better make sure you wash the handle every time…

Uro Club

I imagine somewhere there in America there’s a golf fan who mends toilets for a living and suddenly stumbled onto a world of opportunity. If you’re going to stand in the bushes, you mays as well just have a slash anyway…

Hawaii Chair

I suppose a clinic specialising in the treatment of Parkinson’s might not be a good place to use it - but other than that, yeah, literally, you could just use it absolutely anywhere.

Comfort Wipe

I’m not convinced there are any advantages to being a “big guy” in this context. And even if there were, needing a pair of tongs to wipe your arse would pretty much cancel any of them out.

Comic Book Villain of the Week

The Fiddler  

A classic enemy, perhaps appropriately, of The Flash, Fiddler is an expert fiddle player (and not that other thing you were thinking of). His fiddle playing abilities allow him, amongst other skills, to hypnotise others, shatter solid objects and create force-fields. His fiddles can also conceal of variety of different weaponry. At one point he also drove his own Fiddle shaped guitar.

Though his origin story has changed somewhat over time, Fiddler’s basic background is that he was imprisoned in an Indian jail for theft. There, he learnt the mystic art of Indian music from a Fakir. He later escaped and decided to wreak havoc on The Flash’s home, Keystone City (and not specifically its children).

The character seems to have fallen from favour in recent decades. He was killed off, literally consumed in hellfire, in the early 90s, when his powers were revealed to have come from a demon. He was soon revived, but another death followed in 2005 when he was executed for ‘incompetence’ by members of the Secret Six team.

August Film Highlights

There is a blog related to these posts, perhaps you should take a look at it.

Chinatown (1974) Jack Nicholson, Faye Dunaway, John Huston, Perry Lopez, John Hillerman. Dir: Roman Polanski.

A detective is employed to spy on a water company executive suspect of infidelity. Bleak even by noir standards. Shot out of shadows in baking sunlight, corruption is everywhere, but it’s a family secret that horrifies most. Scripted and acted to perfection, crime thrillers don’t get much better than this.

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The 39 Steps (1935) Robert Donat, Madeleine Carroll, Lucie Mannheim, Godfrey Tearle. Dir: Alfred Hitchcock. 

 

A Canadian is plunged into intrigue when a spy is killed in his London flat and he’s prime suspect. Hitchcock discovers the perfect formula – an irresistible mix of suspense, thrills and comedy, with a little touch of sex thrown in. The pace is incredible; one witty set piece after another.

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The Ipcress File (1965) Michael Caine, Guy Doleman, Nigel Green, Sue Lloyd, Gordon Jackson. Dir: Sidney J. Furie.

A low-ranking intelligence officer is tasked with tracking a missing scientist. A back-streets low-rent alternative to Bond, with a bit of Manchurian Candidate thrown in. A tense and suspenseful journey through the dirty work of spying, with plenty of risks, paperwork and backstabbing for a middling salary. Bleak but gripping.

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 Ted (2012) Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Seth MacFarlane, Giovanni Ribisi, Joel McHale, Patrick Warburton, Patrick Stewart. Dir: Seth MacFarlane.

A boy’s delighted when his teddy comes to life; 27 years later, he’s starting to get in the way. The immature, scattershot gags are what you’d expect from McFarlane, but surprisingly this is a fully developed, almost vintage comedy. Characters are more than just cut-outs and played ably without mugging.

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 Sons of the Desert (1933) Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Charley Chase, Mae Busch, Dorothy Christy. Dir: William A. Seiter.

Stan & Ollie have to try to trick their wives into letting them go to their clubs annual conference. Frequently cited as the boys’ best comedy; it’s certainly their most consistent. A beautifully sustained idea played out with barely a food put wrong. Short but so very sweet.

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Nostalgia for the Light (2010) Dir: Patricio Guzmán.

Astronomers seek life’s origins at a Chilean observatory, while others search for bodies buried in the desert. Philosophic exploration of the contradiction between searching for life’s answers in a country that can’t face its past. A rare look at the universe which doesn’t make you feel small. Worth seeing twice.

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The Imposter 2012) Dir: Bart Layton.

A French con artist convinces an American family that he is their missing son. True story about an incredible deception, one that could be too good to be true. Can someone’s desire to believe really blind them from the truth? Little is clear, besides the destructive power of lies. Fascinating.

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The Best Thing Woody Allen Has Ever Done

Copy Fail: Croydon Postal Depot

They really couldn't have made this simple message more confusing. I think the P739 form is probably the little red card you get through the door when you're not there to collect your parcel. It's usually a good idea to use language your customers would use, and not necessarily the language used within your organisation.

July Film Highlights

The 50 Word blog awaits you...

The Dark Knight Rises (2012) Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Gary Oldman, Tom Hardy, Anne Hathaway, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Marion Cotillard, Morgan Freeman, Matthew Modine. Dir: Christopher Nolan.

A reclusive Bruce Wayne re-dons the cowl when a terrorist threatens Gotham. So much plot emotive moments sometimes vanish, but by the end, you’ve invested so much it's exhausting. Nolan pulls all the stops, creating an urban war movie full of engaging personal stories. Huge in every way. Awesome cast.

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Onibaba (1964) Nobuko Otowa, Jitsuko Yoshimura, Kei Sato. Dir: Kaneto Shindo.

Two poor women survive by killing lone samurai and selling their belongings. Described often as horror, although that’s only in the supernatural final section, Onibaba’s a haunting work about the depths people sink to to survive, losing their inhibitions and humanity. Stunning on screen, full of beauty, dread and menace.

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The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie (1972) Fernando Rey, Paul Frankeur, Delphine Seyrig, Stéphane Audran, Bulle Ogier, Jean-Pierre Cassel. Dir: Luis Buñuel.

Increasingly bizarre events prevent a group of wealthy friends from enjoying a meal together. Surreal satire that takes witty swipes at a privileged class whose inane, shallow, ridiculous existence persists even through extreme circumstances. Its tricks, twists and occasionally shocking turns reward repeated viewing, but is accessible enough for casual viewers.

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A Royal Affair (2012) Mads Mikkelsen, Alicia Vikander, Mikkel Følsgaard, David Dencik, Søren Malling. Dir: Nikolaj Arcel.

A princess is married to the imbecilic mad Danish King, but both are taken with an ambitious new doctor. More than your average costume drama; this sumptuous tale draws attention to a fascinating little-known romance that resulted in political and social change, covering subjects still relevant. Fabulous performances.

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Bubba Ho-Tep (2002) Bruce Campbell, Ossie Davis, Ella Joyce, Heidi Marnhout, Bob Ivy. Dir: Don Coscarelli.

An elderly Elvis and a black JFK team up to fight a mummy feeding off the elderly in their rest home. A Goosebumps for pensioners; this delightfully eccentric story is genuinely poignant, as a cantankerous, mournful, contemplative King, decides to take his final bow. A little slow, but Campbell’s magnificent.

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Killer Joe (2011) Matthew McConaughey, Emile Hirsch, Thomas Haden Church, Gina Gershon, Juno Temple. Dir: William Friedkin.

A life insurance seeking family are unable to pay a hitman, so they offer their youngest girl as a retainer. As with Bug, Friedkin and writer Letts are interested in exploring the need for family and togetherness in even twisted circumstances. As much black-comedy as thriller, McConaughey is frighteningly good.

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Repo Man (1984) Harry Dean Stanton, Emilio Estevez, Tracey Walter, Olivia Barash, Sy Richardson. Dir: Alex Cox.

A teen joins a car repossession firm which is tasked with retrieving a vehicle with something alien in the trunk. Entertainingly off-kilter comedy which explores eccentrics on the fringes of society with surrealism and satire. It’s frequently very funny, but hard to figure what it’s about, if anything.

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The Lodger: A Story of London (1927) Ivor Novello, Marie Ault, Arthur Chesney, June Tripp, Malcolm Keen. Dir: Alfred Hitchcock.

A serial killer terrifies London while a landlady gets a sinister lodger. One critic claimed this was the best British film to date - with good reason. Hitchcock brought moody European expressionism to his first thriller, and many Hitchcockian themes first show here. Editing and title cards worth praise. Terrific climax.

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