Tuesday, September 27, 2011

For the Love of Christopher Lee

I’ve recently finished reading the autobiography of Christopher Lee. Normally I avoid autobiographies, I tend to prefer a more balanced look at the subject; one that’s less likely to be self-serving. Lee’s book, however, is anything but - it’s a very charming read. Lee has an enjoyably drole way of writing, always with the inevitable sigh of impending, and unavoidable trouble.
Told in short chapters, each like an extended anecdote, Lee has led an incredible life. The son of an army officer and an Italian Contessa, he was trained as an RAF pilot in WW2, but had to give it up after blacking-out while mid-flight. He ended up as an intelligence officer, serving in the covert Special Operations Executive.
He only became an actor after a suggestion from a his second-cousin, the Italian Ambassador. He was signed to the Rank Organisation, but was immediately told he was too tall, too dark, and too foreign looking to be an actor.
Today, Lee is the world record holder for most acting roles in films ever - 274 credits - and still counting. In tribute to the great man, here are 10 interesting facts about Christopher Lee and his extraordinary life:
01: Though almost constantly working, a noteable role Lee did turn down was the doctor role in Airplane – the one that would make Leslie Nielson a superstar.
02: Lee was the first person to enter the Vatican Museum after the end of the second of the world war.
03: As a teenager, Lee was a witness at the execution of Eugen Weidmann – the last man to be publicly executed in France by guillotine. Later in life, Lee would also became friends with Albert Pierrepoint – the so-called ‘Last Hangman’ of England. Lee would occasionally drink at his pub.
04: For several years, Lee’s next-door neighbour was Boris Karloff.
05: As a child, Lee’s parents introduced him to Felix Yusupov and Dmitri Pavlovich - the killers of Rasputin. Years later, in 1966, Lee appeared as Rasputin in Rasputin the Mad Monk. Years even later than that, Lee was asked to meet Rasputin’s daughter, who confided to him that he looked uncannily like the mad monk (it was the eyes!).
06: While doing publicity for The Man with the Golden Gun, the Golden Gun was taken off Lee and impounded by US customs. 

07: Author Mervyn Peake was a friend of Lee’s sister, and occasionally Lee would meet and talk with Peake in Harrod’s Library. Decades later Lee would appear in the BBC adaptation of Peake’s Gormenghast.
08: After the war, Lee was once propositioned by a rent-boy. He was so shocked he inadvertently pushed the man through a window.
09: While filming a sword fight with Errol Flynn for The Dark Avenger, Flynn almost cut off Lee’s little finger, forever scarring and misshaping it. Years later, a rematch was filmed for Flynn’s TV show. Flynn was supposed to duck while Lee took a swing at him. The swing would go over his head, while lopping the tops off the candles on a candelabra standing behind Flynn. Lee managed the extremely difficult manoeuvre, successfully chopping the candles down. Unfortunately, he also took Flynn’s wig off his head. Flynn walked silently off set. It took over half-an-hour to persuade him it had not been deliberate.
10: Muhammad Ali insisted on meeting Lee, declaring “it really is you, I never thought I’d get to meet you!” He promised Lee Chuck Wepner’s scalp at the upcoming Heavyweight Championship bout.  After winning the fight, Ali was asked if he had a message for his fans, he said: “ I won this for them, and for Christopher Lee”. Lee was watching the fights at Hugh Hefner's home alongside such luminaries as porn star Linda Lovelace and OJ Simpson.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Word of the Week

Slumgullion - a stew of meat, vegetables, potatoes, etc.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Lovely Graffiti

Friday, September 16, 2011

Word of the Week

Vexillographer - a person who designs or makes flags.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

A Title That Contradicts Itself...

Sunday, September 11, 2011

More bad trailers

Just remember when you see these, that they were made to actually make you want to watch the movie ...

The Loch Ness Horror

Yes, it truly is horrible.


Gator Bait

Nothing says knife-edge drama like a good ol' fashioned hoedown. She's feral, but with really good hair - and just check out that cry of anger.



Mr Vampire

Legend tells of a montage which makes no sense. I suppose they could be trying to disguise the fact that this martial arts film might be a foreign film, because obviously there are no other clues. I think there's even a vampire in it somewhere.



Tommy and the Cool Mule

I guess there really are some things that Eddie Murphy won't do.



Zone Troopers

Are they inside the spaceship or outside the spaceship? And is there a barn and a cave in the spaceship? And just how big is the spaceship? It does take war to a whole new dimension. One where continuity does not exist.



A*P*E

I appreciate the voiceover's effort, but in all honesty, it kind of looks like you could stroll away from him; this is a monkey who seems to like taking his time. Not sure what the asterisks are about.



Starcrash

Jason and the Argonauts in space! I'm not sure at which point stars actually crash. Warning: containts Hasselhoff, and bizarrely, Christopher Plummer - well, after The Sound of Music it's only right that he should suffer.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Word of the Week

Agniology - the philosophical study of ignorance.

Monday, September 05, 2011

August Film Highlights

Visit the 50 Word Film Reviews blog!

Bobby Fischer Against the World (2011) Dir: Liz Garbus.

Fischer beat the Russian champion at chess during the height of the cold war, but began to lose his mind. A very disturbing documentary about a boy who turned to chess to escape his troubled upbringing, only for it to consume. Genius, it seems, really can have a terrible cost.

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Gilda(1946) Rita Hayworth, Glenn Ford, George Macready, Joseph Calleia, Steven Geray. Dir: Charles Vidor.

A gambler's luck changes when he's hired by a casino owner, but then Gilda shows up. An odd mix of noir, psycho drama, romance and spy story - with music numbers. Feels like too many script cooks, but gets by on style, sexual chemistry and by being genuinely quite racy.

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A Town Called Panic (2009) Jeanne Balibar ,Nicolas Buysse, Véronique Dumont, Bruce Ellison. Dir: Stéphane Aubier, Vincent Patar.

Cowboy and Indian forget Horse’s birthday and accidentally order 50 million bricks before unleashing havoc. A bonkers stop-motion delight, one that takes you on a surreal and imaginative journey at startingly frenetic speed. There’s no logic to it, just enjoy the ride. Though not in English, the voices are hilarious.

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King Kong (1933) Fay Wray, Bruce Cabot, Robert Armstrong, Frank Reicher. Dir: Merian C. Cooper, Ernest B. Schoedsack.

A filmmaker travels to a lost island in hope of filming a legendary beast. Easy to see why this was a knockout in its day. Its sheer scale and the skill of its executed - the terrific animation and staggering sound, along with its sheer relentless brutality, are still breath-taking.

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The Navigator (1924) Buster Keaton, Kathryn McGuire, Noble Johnson, Frederick Vroom. Dir: Buster Keaton, Donald Crisp.

A serious of unlikely events stands Buster and the women he loves are set adrift on board a cruise ship. Buster is a fop out of water in another typically charming comic caper, featuring some of his most ingeniously silly and surreal gags. The diving sequence is a particular delight.

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Safety Last (1923) Harold Lloyd, Mildred Davies, Bill Strother, Noah Young. Dir: Fred C. Newmeyer, Sam Taylor.

A shop assistant’s publicity stunt goes array, and he ends up having to climb the store building himself. Influential silent, the one that introduced dramatic thrills into the comedy mix, and thanks to clever shooting, is still pretty hair-raising today. Crammed full of great gags, there's rarely a dull moment.

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Whisper of the Heart(1995) Brittany Snow, David Gallagher, Ashley Tisdale, Martin Spanjers, Cary Elwes. Dir: Yoshifumi Kondo.

A young girl experiences the first stirrings of romance and discovers her creative calling. A lovely film about growing up and making life changing decisions. It uses the fantastical with such a light touch, it perfectly evokes a feeling of childhood imagination just on the cusp of adolescence. Very touching.

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Arrietty (2011) Saoirse Ronan, Tom Holland, Mark Strong, Olivia Colman. Dir: Hiromasa Yonebayashi.

Studio Ghibli does The Borrowers – a tiny girl and her family’s lives are threatened when she’s seen by a boy moving into the house above their hair. Ghibli’s most endearing heroine yet? Their attention to detail beautifully brings the vast, and sometimes hostile, miniature world to life. Another animated classic.

DDDDD

Thursday, September 01, 2011



Two more text messages and a letter from Sky asking me to contact them about my installation - I've never known such proactive incompetence.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Word of the Week

somniloquence - The act of talking in one's sleep; somniloquism.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Revenge of the Theatre Round-Up

Three more trips to the theatre? How desperately decadent of me...

One Man, Two Guvnors – at The National Theatre



One Man, Two Guvnors is a bit of old-fashioned vaudeville, nostalgic not just in its setting, but as a piece of traditional knock-about farce.

The plot is highly convoluted, but revolves essentially around a doomed marriage. A small time crook’s daughter was supposed to marry a local gangster, but as he turned up dead, a hasty engagement has been arranged between her and a terrible actor. But suddenly the gangster’s man, Henshaw, TV’s James Corden, shows up, revealing that his boss is not dead. He arrives a moment, later demanding the marriage be put back on, and that the girl’s father pays him the dowry promised.

The gangster is staying at a Brighton pub, where his man Corden waits for him. There he meets a post-public school toff, who’s waiting to meet his girl, but could do with a man to do odd jobs for him. Corden, who’s poor and hungry, accepts the job, and spends the rest of the play serving both his masters while trying to conceal his dual employment from the other. Unknown to him, his gangster boss is the toff’s girlfriend in disguise; she’s the twin of the gangster who has been killed. And unknown to her, the toff is the one who did it.

Yes it is confusing, but that doesn’t really matter. It’s quite a traditional mix of situations and characters (the dumb bimbo, the appalling actor) but carried off with great enthusiasm. The script packs the gags in, missing few opportunities for comic quips and tomfoolery. And the cast are clearly enjoying themselves, frequently having to grimace to avoid severe corpsing. Rumour has it that they had to be disciplined for improvising too much and causing overruns – and you can believe it, things did go on longer than suggested.

While the character scenes are fun, it’s the extended slapstick sequences with Corden that really light up the room. Corden is remarkably nimble - at one point he throws a chocolate in the air falls backward over a chair and manages to catch it in his mouth.

He also involves the audience in his antics, several times calling upon members to step up and get involved, adding an extra hint of danger to proceedings. The scene in which he attempts to serve food to both his masters, while scoffing half the food himself, trying to get help from a trembling decrepit old waiter (who falls victim to all kinds of violent calamities), and while tormenting a member of the audience who he forces to hold his stolen food and then hides on stage in humiliating places. It is such an incredibly well constructed and timed piece of anarchy that it’s exhaustingly hilarious.

Of course the audience got its chance to confuse and confound Corden too. While he begs the audience for a sandwich, anything to eat, he’s caught off guard by someone who has a spare sandwich in the front row. He hesitates at taking it in hysterics (it’s a hummus sandwich after all) commenting that it had to happen eventually.

The second half isn’t quite as good, as it mostly deals with pulling together the plot, reducing the opportunities for comic knock-about. But it’s easy to see why One Man has been such a massive success. It’s so good natured, so cheerfully bright, and pulled off with such fervour, it could only take the mostly defiantly sour soul to come out with anything but a smile on their face and a chest aching from sides-a-split.

One Man, Two Guvnors is transferring to the West End in November, with the original cast, and will be touring the country in the New Year.

Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead – at the Theatre Royal Haymarket.



Comfort is very important in theatre land – it’s hard to get absorbed by a performance when you’re constantly shuffling around in your seat. Now cheap seats are cheap seats but the not-especially low priced seats at the Theatre Royal Haymarket (£20) do not seem naturally designed for the human derriere. Imagine a church pew, but with significantly less surface area and virtually no padding and minimal leg room. And worse, there is a gap between the base and the back, so if you stretch you prod the person in front in the back with your toes.

Fortunately, after the interval, the afflicted were able to move into empty seats on the next level, although these were not especially good either. By normal standards these would be the cheap seats, except they’re not very cheap (£38); I shalln’t be coming back here unless it’s a really special production.

If any kind of play requires you to be in comfort and to relax, it’s an existential one – it’s not like you’ll be gripped by the action. Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead takes two supporting characters from Hamlet and focuses the story around them – only that is doesn’t; all the action still revolves around Hamlet, while Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are constantly on the sidelines, constantly baffled and unsure about what’s going on around them.

Not only do they not understand what’s going on, they also sort of know that they’re supporting characters, people of little significance – pawns in a large plan. And they’re not sure they like it. Do they go along with it all, see out their fate? Or do they try to change it, or do the unthinkable, and simply walk away?

It’s a smart idea, and it’s often very funny. It’s just that at two and a half hours, it’s hardly gripping. The actors are funny, their metaphysical conundrums smart and often witty, but it’s hard to really engage with it all. The conversation moves so quickly from one theme to the next, it’s hard to keep up and it’s not like you can root for either of the leads, because they’re not really full characters. Of course that’s part of the joke (not even they remember which one of them is Rosencrantz and which one is Guildenstern), but that doesn’t make up for a lack of emotive connectivity.

A non-traditional narrative is all very well, but there’s only so long you can keep it up before the lack of structure becomes a problem. Though the idea gives way to much discussion and postulating, it’s still quite a simple one, one that can only stretch so far. When at one point the more weedy and effeminate of the two screams what he wouldn’t give for some definitive action, the audience sort of thinks, well actually yes, that would be nice. We get a brief pirate fight.

The ending is rather sad – after all, who amongst hasn’t ever felt powerless against a tide of events beyond our control? But it’s a long journey, and not one for those who detest a numb backside and a bent back.

Betrayal at The Comedy Theatre



Now in stark contrast to the back-breaking, wallet-exploiting seatery of the Haymarket, was the incredible value of The Comedy Theatre, where a sensible £8 was charged for seats with a view restricted by a narrow pillar. Rather a bargain, as it was not difficult to see around anyway. Better yet, the seat next to it was never taken, so I hopped across and got a superb view of the action.
Betrayal is a Harold Pinter play about a woman who has a long-standing affair with her husband’s best friend. But the trick is that it all happens in reverse, well, almost – the years roll back, but events that take place in each year occur chronologically.

The play starts in a pub, with the wonderful Kristen-Scott Thomas as Emma sitting together with Jerry, two years after their affair has ended. They are at a pub apparently, although a bed is visible in the background, and is throughout the story, a constant nagging reminder of the tawdry. Emma’s marriage to Robert finally seems to be over. Jerry is horrified to discover that Emma has finally revealed their affair to Robert. But the truth is even worse: when he later meets Robert he discovers that Emma has lied; Robert has known for four years, well before the affair ended.

Then the clock ticks back and we see how events took them to this place. Jerry and Emma rent a flat to meet in secret, and decorate it together as if they lived there as a real couple. Robert discovers their affair when Jerry sends Emma a letter while they are holidaying in Italy. He confronts her angrily, yet later continues to treat Jerry cordially, as if there is no change. Although they no longer play squash from that point on – a classic Pinter joke on human eccentricity.


Pinter plays tend not to pass judgements on characters, but offer an investigation and insight into human behaviour. The reverse chronology allows for a piece by piece assembly of the story, one which cleverly reveals the character’s behaviour in a new light. Robert is unlikeable when we first meet him, he evens states that he sometimes hits Emma – though we never see it (is it posturing?). And he has also confessed to having had affairs.

But as the clock turns back, and post their confrontation, he comforts his wife when Jerry reveals he will be away, meaning of course that she cannot see him. She is heartbroken that the affair will have to come to an end (although it doesn’t) and yet he comforts her. He is forgiving, and we can only assume that the passing years drive him bitter. The fact he never confronts Jerry is less an act of Machiavellian cruelty or cowardess, but to spare her humiliation. Though the least likeable, he may be the most wronged against.

Emma seems to be in love with the early thrills and fancies of a relationship, the free and easy casual days of romance, before the mundanities and inconveniences of life get in the way. She lives a fantasy home life with Jerry away from her real home life with Robert.

And then Jerry… Of all of them his attitude seems the most casual and laissez-faire, the most unconcerned with guilt (until Robert confronts him). Yet at the very beginning of the affair, he is a man of romance and passion. He may ultimately be the most cynical of all, and the most disappointed with life. He is ironically the most likeable, even though his crimes are equal to Emma’s. He is married too, but his wife is never seen and barely spoken of.

Betrayal is a thoughtful, believable and intelligent play, and is extremely well performed by the cast. It has no easy answers; none of the three are condemned, if anything we feel sorry for all of them. Betrayal is as much about getting older as it is betraying, with no one quite getting what they thought they wanted, and with the years passing by, feeling more and more unfulfilled. And of course putting together all the non-chronological pieces of the puzzle adds an additional touch of entertainment.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Word of the Week

Suppurates - to produce or discharge pus, as a wound; maturate.

I was encouraged to look this word up by Mark E. Smith in the song "The League of Bald Headed Men".

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Sky: Believe in Bulls**t

I've had the misfortune of dealing with a number of stupefyingly incompetent and not-give-a-s**t companies, but Sky… they are in a league of their own.

Tempted by the possibility of getting some M&S vouchers, I called them up to see if I could get a better deal than I get with Virgin.

I was on the phone with a seemingly helpful operator, and after talking a while I got a package which wouldn’t save me money, but it would get me quite a bit more for my money.

All seemed fine, really fine – they’d even managed to book installation on a day I was already planning on taking off. Everything seemed perfect. Seemed.

A day later I receive a text message. It asks me to call Sky because there’s a problem with my order. So I phone them to find out what’s going on. That's when the fun began.

Virgin don't like to give up their phone numbers - to get Sky I need a BT line, and with that a brand new number. That's fine with me, but there might be a charge. Naturally I wasn't keen on that, but Sky can waiver the charge, and I get transferred to someone who can apparently do that for me.

Except that I’m not transferred to someone who can sort that out for me. I get transferred to someone who doesn’t know what the hell I’m talking about.

3 transfers later, I finally speak to a woman who says she can sort it out, but she would need to get someone to call me back as she’s not authorised to put through the transaction. I will hear back from them tomorrow at the latest.


Did they call me back? No they did not. A week goes by and I call up for a second time. A man explains the problem to me again but this time the cost of correcting it has now gone up by £40.

He apologises and says Sky will pay for it, but again, he will have to get someone else to process the transaction as he’s not authorised to do it. Someone will have to call me back. They will call me back by tomorrow at the latest.

Did they call me back? No they did not. Another week passes and I give them a very aggravated phone call. A disarmingly polite man answers (don't you just hate it when that happens?); he tries to explain the problem to me again, but I quickly butt in and explain that I know what the damn problem is, I just need them to actually do something about it.

He apologises in his best sincere voice, this problem’s never happened before. He’s never even heard of anything like it happening before.

But of course the isaue still remains – he can’t process the transaction himself and will need to get someone else to do it. They will need to call me back. He promises, that absolutely, someone will call me back tomorrow latest. He’ll leave a note; someone will definitely call me back.

Did they call me back? I sense you’re noticing a pattern here - I sure as hell noticed one. I thought to myself, maybe there’s something amiss with their computer system. Whoever’s inbox ought to get the message saying I needed to be contacted, wasn’t getting it. So I thought I’d email them instead as an experiment.

I emailed their customer services and left a rather angry message, threatening that I might cancel my order. I got an automated email to say that they’d received my email and would respond within 48 hours.

Did they email me back? Did they f**k. Weeks have gone by and there’s been no response. So I pick up the phone now approaching four weeks since the problem came up and start angrily shouting at some guy insisting that the problem be resolved right now, or else I’m going back to Virgin.

I spent a long time on hold. Eventually, he got back to me to say that he was going to reprocess my order. Finally, it seemed like I was getting somewhere. Or was I?

There was, of course, one snag. After eventually reading me the full set of terms and conditions, I noticed he was mentioning nominated times for installation.

Now I thought I’d arranged this for the day I’d conveniently already booked off. But because of the problems and delay, they can’t guarantee that they can get it installed all on the same day.

So I hit the roof – this isn’t acceptable, I’d already had a day set aside, now because of their incompetence I’m going to be further inconvenienced.

But what’s more, is that this guy can’t confirm a day and time with me now. Guess what? He’s going to have to get someone else to call me to arrange a date. They’ll get back to me tomorrow latest, blah, blah, blah. I warm him, if no one gets back to me this time, that’s it, I’m quitting.

Did they call me back? Do bears defecate in dense forest areas? All I get, days later, is a text saying they’ve arranged a date for me – thanks for consulting me you stupid useless b******s!

I call up again one more time (this isn’t a Freephone number I’m calling by the way) I angrily tell some guy the whole tale, and in a surprising act of honesty, he admits that this stuff happens all the time, far too often, he completely understands why I want to quit.

Of course he doesn’t cancel my order himself, he transfers me to someone else who makes me explain the whole thing again. He makes a pathetic attempt to try and make me happy, but the only thing I’m interested in is massive discounts – that’s what I really want. He doesn’t offer one, so I tell em to shove it.

So I stuck with Virgin. This whole scenario may seem like a tragic waste of time, but I did thankfully manage to use Sky’s stupidity to my advantage.

You see, while all this was going on, they sent me £50 of M&S vouchers. Cheers Sky.

They’ve also sent me a broadband router, more than a week after I cancelled my order. I’ll perhaps wait a week or two to see if they ask for it back and then see how much they go for on eBay.

And if all this wasn’t enough to convince you that Sky are incompetent to an unbelievable degree, I got actually got a phone call from them this last Monday. Well, not from them exactly, but from an engineer. He was on his way over to install my new phone line and wondered if I was home now to let him in.

He was annoyed when I told him that I had long ago cancelled my order. Yet… he did not sound so surprised…

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Word of the Week

Flews - the large, pendulous sides of the upper lip of certain dogs, such as bloodhounds.

Sunday, August 07, 2011

July Film Highlights

The 50 Word Film Reviews blog demands your readership.

Basil, the Great Mouse Detective (1986) Barrie Ingham, Val Bettin, Vincent Price, Susanne Pollatschek, Candy Candido. Dir: Ron Clements, Burny Mattinson, Dave Michener, John Musker.

When a girl's father is kidnapped she seeks help from the world's greatest detective. The character designs and their voices are wonderful, but there's no one to identify with and the real plot arrives too late. Hard not to like though and there's pioneering CGI in the climax.

DDDD

Senna (2010) Dir: Asif Kapadia.

The rise, success and tragedy end of F1 champion Aryton Senna. Enthralling documentary that constructs a narrative through only archive footage so you really see events as they unfolded. Unsurprisingly has pro-Senna bias, but ably demonstrates who he was and his impact in a way that engages even non-face fans.

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Dracula (1959) Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, Michael Gough, Melissa Stribling. Dir: Terence Fisher.

When Jonathan Harker dies trying to kill Dracula, Van Helsing fears Harker’s beloved will be next. Hammer’s adaptation does away with gothic shadows, and swaps them for watercolour shades, emphasis on red. With a strong pacey storyline, it’s not gothic or spooky, but does make for an entertaining raunchy romp.

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The Lady Vanishes (1938) Margerat Lockwood, Michael Redgrave, Paul Lukas, May Whitty, Naunton Wayne, Basil Radford. Dir; Alfred Hitchcock.

No one believes a woman when she claims an old lady has disappeared, because she has had a blow on the head. Next to North By Northwest, Lady Vanishes is Hitchcock’s most delightfully entertaining film. The dialogue is cracking, the plot enthralling, and the cast absolutely superb. Terrific fun!

DDDDD

Pom Poko (1994) Maurice LaMarche, Jonathan Weiss, Tress MacNeille, J. K. Simmons, Tress MacNeille. Dir: Isao Takahata.

Japan’s raccoons attempt to prevent urban development with a mixture of mischief and sabotage. A clever and funny preservation fable; we destroy natural habitats, but relate also to the lazy raccoons initial complacency that allows it to happen. There’s a lulls in the downcast seconds half, but it’s frequently hysterical.

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Submarine (2011) Craig Roberts, Yasmin Paige, Sally Hawkins, Paddy Constantine, Noah Taylor. Dir: Richard Ayoade.

Teenage Oliver Tate must learn how to handle his first girlfriend and his parent’s marital problems. Wittier than your average teen flick; this endearing look at lives on the precipice of adulthood thankfully steers clear of the tedious teen sex romp clichés and is directed with energy and creativity by actor Ayoade.

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The Garbage Pail Kids (1987) Anthony Newley, Mackenzie Astin, Phil Fondacaro, Katie Barbari. Dir: Rod Amateau.

A kid knocks over a magic garbage pail and releases the Garbage Pail Kids. Monsterous goblin like creatures who spit, vomit, piss and wave knives – how the hell anyone thought this could be appropriate for kids is unimaginable. Repulsive, incompetent and mind-bogglingly mis-judged; it’s the stuff of nightmares!

d

Super (2010) Rainn Wilson, Ellen Page, Liv Tyler, Kevin Bacon. Dir: James Gunn

When his wife leaves him for a drug dealer, a cook starts fighting crime as the Crimson Bolt. Tone varies jarringly from oddball silliness, to dark comedy, with irritating indie movie clichés. The end which brings positives out of carnage is preposterous. A shame - Wilson and Page are terrific.

DDD

Thursday, August 04, 2011

Word of the Week

Acetabuliform - An ornamental phrase of several notes sung to one syllable of text, as in plainsong or blues singing.

Monday, August 01, 2011

If You Think You've Had It Bad On The Trains

I've just come back home via East Croydon station. Fortunately, that's my stop. Unfortunately, for those going further south, things have been pretty, pretty bad.

A burst water main is preventing any trains from passing through. Replacement Bus Services are being arranged to take people past South Croydon. A distance of less than 5 miles. This is the queue....

This is where it starts, just 'round the corner from the station:


This is it going further down the round...



...and further....



... Now 'round the corner...



...'Round the corner onto another street...



...now down another street...



...and further...



And to the end.

According to Google Maps, that's a queue of half a mile. If you were going to Gatwick to get a flight... Well you'd pretty much have to forget it wouldn't you? Good old rail network, fit for purpose as always...

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Things I've Enjoyed: Justified



It's always good to see a cop show which resists the standard shows formulas. A show that's not built around a gimmick or takes place somewhere where a cop show hasn't been set yet. One of the real pleasures of Justified is that it's not interested in be ing another procedural drama, and its writers seem keen to defy your expectations whenever possible.

On paper it could so easily be another "fish out of water" concept. Raylon Givens is an old school lawman whose habit of committing "justified" homicides gets him into trouble in LA. So they ship him off to the real frontier - the country sticks of Kentucky, where he rapidly gets into hot water with the local redneck mafia.

Fortunately, Justified is adapted from a story by acclaimed crime author Elmore Leonard (Get Shorty, LA Confidential). Givens isn't arriving in Kentucky, he's coming home. And his family are already part of the redneck mafia - and he's been in trouble with them for years.

His old school friend Boyd is now a white supremacist who blows up black churches with his army bazooka (he's less racist, more in to intimidating competition). His ex high school squeeze Ava has just shot her husband dead - he was Boyd's brother. And Givens' father used to work for Boyd's father, the local crime kingpin, and he owes him lots of money.

Justified is not so much about crime investigation and more focused on the nature justice, which in these poor rural counties is something of a rarity. Crime isn't just a way of life, it's a steady form of employment. To grow pot is to be part of a family business. The wives of dealers and thugs look at their husbands as working men, not as dealers and thugs. They're poor - you never see a school or a thriving local business (not a legal one anyway), no one gets out of this world, even Raylon got sent back.

The fact that most of the redneck thugs aren’t too bright adds an extra touch of bitter amusement, although it doesn't make them any less dangerous. What they lack in book smarts, they make up with violence and animal cunning. Boyd may have barely finished high school, but that doesn’t make him any less dangerous or ruthless. Or at least until Raylon shoots him - then he supposedly reforms, but you never really know what game he's playing.



Timothy Olyphant plays Marshall Givens, having already showed that he can play an angry lawman in Deadwood. But unlike the barely suppressed rage of Sheriff Bullock, Givens’ anger is much more repressed. His demeanour is always calm, even when he’s a split second away from putting a bullet in your chest. He’s handsome and he knows it, using his looks to charm his way around enemies and friends alike, something that rubs at least one of his colleagues up the wrong way.

And that's another enjoyable aspect to Justified - there's no taking turns between characters for the weekly storyline. Supporting character stories might rub up against Givens' arc, but in the way that other people’s problems might brush up against your own life. You may get involved, pulled in even, but you've got your own problems to worry about.

Justified is a pleasing case of serial storytelling, rather than a "this week's case" type of procedural, made more for casual viewers than weekly viewers. There are weekly plots, but they're usually played as they are, as an inconvenience to the main characters, something that distracts them from the things they'd much rather be doing. Rather than the other way round.

And the storylines are usually very good. Stories are written deliberately to defy your expectations, when you think you know what's going on, something almost always takes you by surprise. And elements of stories that seem incidental or irrelevant come back to mean something later; things connect up in ways you don't expect. One week a character may be incidental to the plot, then suddenly they're corrupt and have being up to something completely different all along. It's these little twists and turns and details that make this world real, but are largely missing from "case of the week" serials.

That's not to say that the show is perfect. A recurring plot during the first season which sees Raylon pursued by assassins sent by an LA drug lord never convinces and perhaps in recognition of its faults is later swept rapidly under the carpet. There's at least one lame character - Raylon's ex-wife's husband - who's the typical slimy second husband type, and it's even harder in this case to believe he wrestled the wife of Timothy Olyphant away.

Not that Raylon is perfect; he's not one of those TV detectives who carries his pain on the rasp of his voice. But he's determined to impose justice on a world, and a past of injustice. And he's not all that bothered about whether the law is on his side or not.

Like the other town's folk, he works on instinct. Sometimes we like seeing him put the villains down, other times his judgement is clearly off. He spares little time jumping into bed with Ava, despite her being a witness (though not difficult to see why). His rule breaking forever digs him into deeper holes, to the point where even his friends desert him. He's devoted to justice but has little respect for the law.

He also gets his ass handed to him a couple of time. It’s not many shows that let their main character get a sound beating; they’re only allowed to be weak in times of crisis, not just when they make a daily misjudgement.

Justified has completed its second series and is geared up for a third. How long it can keep up its talent for surprises while trying to find new redneck mafiosa for our hero to deal with is hard to say. At the moment, however, you'll struggle to find more entertaining morality play on TV.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Word of the Week

Pagination - the number of pages or leaves of a book or manuscript, etc.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

And in at number 5...

Although involving "her" sort of taints it...



See the original page here...

Sunday, July 17, 2011

From Dave's News Place - iObey to be launched before Christmas

Click to enlarge...

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Theatre Round-Up

I've never been to the theatre often enough to have a round-up, but as I've been to two plays in one week, now seems like a good enough time to have one.

Ghost Stories at the Duke of York Theatre


There is ultimately something very cosy and old fashioned about Ghost Stories. The marketing may gleefully play on extremities – a video nasty style orgy of horror that is not advised for “those of a nervous disposition”; a performance that has “even the most hardened of viewers gasping for breath and reaching for their coats to hide behind”.

But behind the William Castle-esque chicanery, its really a more familiar scenario, one that’s more inspired by the 60s and 70s horror anthology – horror with humour and tongue in cheek.

It certainly sets itself up as being relentless, heart-stopping experience. The walls of the Duke of York Theatre are distorted to seem like the passages of a dark excavated cavern, draped with yellow and black caution tape. As the lights go down we are informed that we will not be allowed re-entry during the performance.

The set-up is a mock lecture, in which a professor explains the evolution of the ghost story, and how easily we can be made to believe in fantastical phenomena. Only 3 stories he has ever heard have defied explanation – these are the 3 we will hear tonight.

The first story builds up the suspense almost unbearably; a night watchman goes through his mundane duties against darkness and silence. He ambles around doing nothing for such a long time – the audience waiting on-edge for the shock occurrence that must come.

But when it does, it's very much a-la-Hitchcock; it provokes as much laughter as it does terror – the man’s torch gliding over a large doll/mannequin totally exaggerated in its grotesqueness as to be a bit silly. Not that when it gets up and starts walking that it’s not a bit unsettling.

This sets up the tone of the rest of the show, a blend of shocks and scares mixed with giggles and laughter – it’s hard to be too frightened when a gigantic plastic demon desceneds from the ceiling – not it doesn't make you jump.

Ghost Stories is really charmingly familiar as it unfolds, right up to the surprise ending in which our host not unexpectedly relives his own personal horror. One wonders if the extreme angle of the marketing has actually done the play a disservice - Ghost Stories is really a lot of fun, a refreshingly nostalgic stab at horror, rather than a visceral pushing of heart-attack inducing boundaries.

The Government Inspector at the Voung Vic Theatre


Nikolai Gogol’s 19th century satire is no less appropriate today as it was when it was written. A corrupt major and his cronies are horrified that a government inspector is coming to the town, incognito. In the flurry of activity to hide their own abuses of power they discover a wealthy stranger is staying in the local inn and is running up a tab which he insists will be paid by his superiors.

The wealthy stranger is in fact a spoilt young fop who has lost all his money at cards and is having to blag to even get dishwater soup and stale beef. He soon exploits the craven grovelling of the major, and after much consumption paints himself to be one of the most powerful men in Russia. The major is panicked that he is done for, and he and his officials give the man hundreds in “loans” while he seduces the major's wife and daughter.

The Mighty Boosh’s Julian Barrett is good as the nervous spineless major, but even better is Doon Mackican as his classless nouveau riche wife who gets to deliver such golden lines as “I j’adored it”. Perhaps stealing the show is Kyle Foller as the camp faux inspector who manages to be the most over the top in a thoroughly OTT show. Looking a bit like Doctor Who’s Matt Smith, if were to play Batman’s The Joker, he deftly delivers tremendously epic monologues whilst dancing across the stage and climbing the furniture.

In a show that has its fair share of terrific dialogue - “oh my god, the church – we forgot to build a church!” - one of the elements that stands out is the constant choreography; the constant synchronised movements of the large ensemble cast. There’s almost too much to look at, from servants covertly filling up glasses to the incompetent seductress strutting ridiculously for attention.

Some of the more surreal moments don’t always come off, and some of the scenes could do with a little trimming. But overall The Government Inspector is a thoroughly delightful frantic bit of comedy that despite its age and eccentric presentation never feels too far from reality.

Friday, July 08, 2011

My favourite quote regarding the News of the World scandal:

From the BBC:

"A number of suited men, thought to be police officers, entered Mr Coulson's south London home with large plastic crates at about 1200 BST"

Better hope so, or Coulson's just had his house burgled.

Saturday, July 02, 2011

June Film Highlights

Read the 50 World Film Reviews blog. Go on...Read it!

Burke & Hare (2010) Simon Pegg, Andy Serkis, Isla Fisher, Tom Wilkinson, Jessica Hynes, Tim Curry, Ronnie Corbett. Dir: John Landis.

Two Scots come up with a novel way to fulfil the demand for bodies for surgical dissection. Considering the talent involved, it should be a lot better than it is. Seems reluctant to make comedy out of the deliciously dark subject and settles for familiar gags. Pleasant, but not exceptional.

DDD

The Stuff (1985) Michael Moriarty, Garrett Morris, Andrea Marcovicci, Paul Sorvino. Dir: Larry Cohen.

A corporate saboteur investigates a new food craze, which turns out to be more than just addictive. Low budget comedy horror which isn’t that horrific or that funny. The concept is fun, and there’s some enjoyable digs at consumerism. It’s just not particularly memorable for being particularly good or particularly bad.

DDD

Source Code (2011) Jake Gyllenhaal, Michelle Monaghan, Vera Farmiga, Jeffrey Wright. Dir: Duncan Jones.

A soldier repeatedly relives the last 8 minutes of a man on a bombed train until he can find the bomber. It’s always good to see intelligent sci-fi. Not perfect – the characters aren’t interesting, and some tension is forced – but at 90 mins it’s taut and keeps you invested.

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Dr Terror’s House of Horrors (1965) Peter Cushing, Chistopher Lee, Donald Sutherland, Neil McCallum, Alan Freeman, Roy Castle, Michael Gough, Ann Bell. Dir: Freddie Francis.

A Doctor predicts grisly futures for five commuters after giving them a tarot reading. You couldn’t call it scary, but this horror anthology does have great moments of eccentricity and wit, as well as an excellent cast. Lee and Gough’s segment as critic and artist rivals is a highlight.

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Z (1969) Jean-Louis Trintignant, Yves Montand, Irene Papas, Jacques Perrin. Dir: Costa Gravas.

An attack on a communist senator leads a prosecutor to discover a government conspiracy. Greek thriller that makes no pretence at being fictional. Has fun sending up the ridiculous double-standards of the suppressors, but this only makes their ruthless actions more devastating. Drags in places, but otherwise very compelling viewing.

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Nine (2009) Daniel Day-Lewis, Marion Cottilard, Penelope Cruz, Judy Dench, Kate Hudson, Nicole Kidman, Sophia Loren. Dir: Rob Marshall.

A director has an identity crisis as he starts work on his ninth film, which has no script. Musical remake of 8½, where everything is spelt out in a big showtune. It’s song, scene, song, scene but seems disconnected and largely frivolous. Considering the talent involved, it’s a real disappointment.

DD

Hannibal Rising (2007) Gaspard Ulliel, Gong Li, Dominic West, Rhys Ifans. Dir: Peter Webber.

How Hannibal Lector went insane and became a cannibalistic killer. Totally unconvincing, not least because Hannibal is mute for the first quarter, and then is suddenly the cultured psycho we know. Script is inept and dialogue becomes steadily more painful. And did you know Hannibal was part samurai? Utter rubbish.

Dd

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Is This a Joke?

Or did they just not realise that their names sounded a little bit sweary?



Either way, I'm not sure I'll be choosing them to do any building work, just to be on the safe side.

Monday, June 13, 2011

My First Opera

Going to see an opera was something I was keen to do while living in the capital, but it was a fairly non-commital target. Then I heard Terry Gilliam was going to direct one for the English National Opera, and suddenly my level of interest peaked.

I procrastinated a while; should I really be going to an opera just because a movie director is working on it? Bit of a vulgar things to do perhaps. But any reservations I had were quickly dispelled, however, when I saw the large poster outside Waterloo station, and thought to myself, I really would regret missing this.



Recruiting big name directors is part of the the English National Opera' ongoing quest over the last few years to encourage more people to visit the opera. Largely they've been successful although abbreviating their name to ENO is probably a little irritating to their old crowd.

As an introduction to opera, however, The Damnation of Faust was maybe not the best choice. It’s considered not to be a traditional opera, because it has long musical interludes which push it towards being more of a chamber piece (or so I’ve read). But I was nevertheless, curious to the point of excitement; Gilliam knows how to create a visual spectacular, and a tale of a man seduced by the devil was bound to give him plenty of creative leg-room.

And of course it’s set in Nazi Germany, a typical place to stage an early 19th century opera... This could really be interesting…

I could tell that I was not the only one lured to the opera by the promise of a full on Gilliam-fest. There were a number of student trendies amongst the well turned out spectacle wearing middle-class regulars and young debutante couples. It was the cheap seats for me (naturally) at the top of the rather pompously named London Coliseum. But, hell, it’s a stunning venue, a place with the full grandeur one would expect of an opera house. Alas, it also has the restrictive leg room of a traditional stage.

The play opens with a short monologue by Mephisto, the only addition to Berlioz’s original piece. The devil fiendishly invites us to watch him at his work. “For there is always a Faust”, and that Mein Kampf translates into “my struggle…”

My one main worry about seeing an opera was whether I would be able to understand it. That unique mixture of sung dialogue and traditional song, from what little exposure I had had to it, had been a little hard to digest. Would I be able to understand it all and grasp what was going on? I knew about the Faust legend, but there are so many iterations of it, this one could be very different.

But to my surprise, I found that the whole thing was subtitled! A little electronic screen above the stage reproduced all the lyrics (with occasional blips).

I must admit to not being sure what to make of this. It did mean that I always knew what was being said, but it also meant that I couldn’t sit and listen to the singers without looking at it. I couldn't really train my ear to the singing, because as a crutch, it was always there to lean on. I would really have liked to have tried without it. Although it was useful for the sections with multiple singers, which were hard to decipher. And without it, I might have struggled in vein with one section, before realising it was in latin!

So what to make of this particular opera? A 19th century work against 20th century Nazi backgrounds. In some ways the match seemed eerily prescient. Faust, whose soul-searching (his struggle) is preyed upon by the demonic Mephistopheles, and taken to a Munich beer hall where drunken revellers tell stories; an attempt to introduce the title character to the pleasures of indulgence.



A fat German soldier sings a song about a rat in a kitchen living the high life until being treated to poison. Then Mephistopheles sings a song about a flea above his station in a royal court, whose family then causes an infestation. They then proceed to attack a Jewish waiter violently.


The design work as you might imagine is striking. From visions of Germanic divinity to Bauhaus inspired street corners, soon defiled by kristallnacht revelries - from start to finish it is consistently a visual feast.

And the voices... I can’t judge them against other opera singers (I don’t know any) but these are powerful performances. The kind that could knock you over if you stood too close to them. It is the female lead who leaves the most lasting impression. Faust’s idealised vision of beauty, tricked by Mephistopheles into falling in love with her; her sweet tones are mesmerising, and tragic. She is the victim of the peace – Faust is naive and foolish, but only she is innocent, a pawn in the devil’s plan.


But it’s the end that leaves a really lasting impression. Faust is caught with his love, Marguerite, and is spirit away by Mephistopheles. Defiled by a man who is not her husband, the townsfolk condemn Marguerite (the visual sub-text is that he is pure German, and she Jewish). She is taken to a concentration camp, while Faust ends up where he began in the wilderness. Mephistopheles has done all that he intends to do for him, at least for free.

Faust hastily agrees to sign his soul to the devil to save her. He and Mephistopheles mount a pair of mighty steeds (a motorcycle and sidecar) and ride swiftly to her rescue. But Faust sees dark and disturbing images as they race forth (the passing scenery is projected onto a mesh in front of them). Suddenly there is a crash. Faust flies over the handle bars and lands, quite literally, straight into hell - through a trap door spewing red light and smoke.

In Hades he is wrapped in a straight jacket, then stretched and nailed to a swastika. As he is hoisted away, the devil and his minions dance and celebrate his damnation. But Mephistopheles is true to his word; in the concentration camp Marguerite lies atop of a pile of naked corpses and her soul is accepted into heaven and she is forgiven.



It’s a humdinger of a climax.

Damnation of Faust might not be most natural choice for a first trip to the opera, but as an introduction to the power of the medium, it was second to none. It was unashamedly huge, melodramatic, and above all, elegant. Grandiose, without ever seeming excessive or over the top. It did big in a way that I’ve never seen in a theatre; a real, elevating articulate spectacle.

Of course the success of this particular production owes a lot to Gilliam’s smart idea to parallel Faust’s naive corruption with the corruption of Germany. And huge kudos must go to his team for realising his vision so well, and to the performers for bringing it across so beautifully.

Of course it’s not a traditional opera. And I doubt many other works are based in Nazi Germany either. A different production might turn out to be less appealing – in all honesty it was a little difficult to grasp all the different literary and mythological references in the dialogue, and some of the artistic eccentricities of the medium.

But I was captivated. It was a powerful piece of work, even if I couldn’t absorb all of the details. Yes, I think I’ll be trying opera again at some point. Perhaps a more classical work, one without all the vast visual delights – something a little more stripped back. Then we’ll see quite how much I get this new (to me) medium. Because right now, I really can’t wait to go again.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

And in at Number 4...





Full story here.

Saturday, June 04, 2011

May Film Highlights

Read the 50 Word Film Reviews blog won't you now.

The Great White Silence(1925) Dir: Herbert Ponting.

Documentary by Herbert Ponting using his footage of Scott’s fateful journey to the South Pole. An incredible visual account, with visuals that inspire, bedazzle and haunt. An impressive restoration by the BFI with a disquieting new score, it’s an incredible journey into history and an almost alien landscape. Very special.

DDDDD

The Devil's - Director's Cut(1971) Oliver Reed, Vanessa Redgrave, Dudley Sutton, Gemma Jones, Michael Gothard, Murray Melvin. Dir: Ken Russell.
Review No.304

The church uses the erotic delusions of a nun to rid themselves of a troublesome promiscuous priest. Flamboyant and wild experience, one that goes to surreal lengths to mock the hypocrisies of the church, though when it comes to the consequences, it’s unremittingly brutal. Controversial and very powerful – Reed especially.

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The Adventures of Adele Blanc-Sec(2011) Louise Bourgoin, Mathieu Almaric, Gilles Lellouche, Jean-Paul Rouve. Dir : Luc Besson.

A adventuring writer tries to revive a mummy but ends up hunting a pterodactyl in paris. Part Indiana Jones, part Night at the Museum – superior to the latter, equal to the former. Terrific comic book caper that takes unadulterated pleasure in adventure. Just suspend your disbelief and enjoy the ride.

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Pandora's Box(1929) Louise Brooks, Fritz Kortner, Francis Lederer, Carl Goetz. Dir: G.W. Pabst.

An uninhibited call-girl becomes the ruin of the men, and women, who desire her. Film’s most famous hair-cut. Astonishingly raunchy German silent. A striking portrayal of an age of decadence, with Brooks superb as part conniving manipulator, part innocent, a victim of men’s lust. Iconic, but goes on too long.

DDDDd

Let's Scare Jessica to Death(1971) Zohra Lampert, Barton Heyman, Kevin O'Connor, Gretchen Corbett. Dir: John D Hancock.

A fragile woman moves to the country and experience ghostly vision, but is it in her mind? Takes place virtually all in daylight, but is skillfully unnerving from start to finish, making sinister the most everyday of occurances. You can guess what’s going on, but it always keeps something back.

DDDD

Night of the Eagle(1962) Peter Wyngarde, Janet Blair, Margaret Johnston, Anthony Nicholls, Colin Gordon. Dir: Sidney Hayers

An academic is disturbed to learn his wife practices Witchcraft, but when she stops, bad things happen. Similar in style to Night of the Demon, putting atmosphere and suspense over overt horror, saving that to the climax, which boasts decent effects. Wyngarde and Blair are terrific - an under-appreciated gem.

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The Way(2011) Martin Sheen, Emilio Estevez, Deborah Karah Unger, James Nesbitt, Yorick van Wageningen. Dir: Emilio Estevez.

When his son dies walking the Way of St James, his father decides takes the pilgrimage himself. Has its heart in the right place and makes for gentle, warm viewing. But it’s undermined by an amateur script with clichéd characters and dialogue and forced incidents. And what a crap title.

DDD

Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (1943) Lon Chaney, Jr., Ilona Massey,Patric Knowles, Lionel Atwill, Bela Lugosi, Maria Ouspenskaya. Dir: Roy William Neill.

Risen from the grave, the Wolf Man goes searches for Frankenstein, hoping that he can help him die. The first monster team-up is better than you might think, especially considering Lugosi’s lines were cut. Neil direction is strong and the supporting cast is good, although the monster’s scenes are a disappointment.

DDDd

Fiend Without A Face(1958) Marshall Thompson, Kynaston Reeves, Michael Balfour, Kim Parker. Dir: Arthur Crabtree.

When villagers die mysteriously, the townsfolk blame atomic tests at the local airbase. Hard to imagine this film’s climax once was considered one of the most frightening ever created. It's a cheapo film - to everyone involved’s credit, they’re trying hard (there’s decent stop-motion), but it's honestly not very good.

DDd

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

For the Love of...Bad Movie Trailers

I've blogged once or twice about film trailers before. It's a dying art alas - there was a time when a trailer could really get you excited about a film, but no one seems to know how to make anything that doesn't seem formuliac*.

Back in the 60s and 70s if you had a terrible cheapo horror movie you could make up for it all by making an amazing trailer that made it sound like the most horrifying, bloodlusting, mutilating, cannibal rape f**k ever made.

Some films, however, can never be saved. Here is a tribute to some of the worst movie trailers ever made.

House on the Edge of the Park

You know you’re on to a loser when the trailer can’t even get the title of the film right. Still, as home invasions by rapacious thugs go, this one sure as hell is funky. So suspenseful... I particularly enjoyed the gratuitous boob and fanny shots.



C Me Dance

I wish God punished stupid spelling. I’m not convinced they made this trailer after they made the film, it sort of looks like they got the actors to say a bunch of random lines and poorly shot them. She’s a dying dancer and she’s the new saviour or something. And the devil's a bad Steven Seagal impersonator who's out to get her. If this movie isn't pure blasphemy I don’t know what is.



Tiptoes

When even the trailer can’t decide whether the tone is comic or melodramatic, then it doesn’t really speak to well of the film itself. Do we laugh at the small people, or feel for them and their plight? Oh poor Gary Oldman, he really thought playing a midget would get him that Oscar. Better find a better disability next time Gary.



Gooby

Jesus Christ if Gooby came within 50ft of me I’d beat him to death with a steel pipe. Why the hell did anyone think letting this monstrosity near children would make a good movie? Did they make up their own film festivals to promote the movie? Robbie Coltrane, what have you done?! And Eugene Levy, haven’t you done enough terrible films already, can even your judgement be this warped!



The Incredible Melting Man

Nothing grabs the attention like a fat nurse running through a glass door. I’ve actually seen this film, and it’s not lying, he really does melt an awful lot. I’m just not entirely behind the concept that he’s going to get stronger as he melts. That makes no sense, right?



The Mighty Gorga

I’m not even sure this is a trailer; it’s basically just a clip. But if this is the best bit of the film, the bit the makers thought would make you want to rush and see it, then, wow, this has got to be one hell of a movie.



Truck Turner

The big brother is coming, and he’s coming on badly dubbed. Isaac Hayes is Truck Turner (definitely not Shaft) and he can talk with a woman’s voice at one point. Not sure what he had in his grocery bag, but it was a tough enough to stop a bullet. Damn processed food.



Godmonster of Indian Flats

Let’s be honest, if you looked out of your window and saw that coming at your kids, you’d pretty much sh*t your pants. Better hope they can stroll away fast enough.



Praise Band

The stakes are so high, if he takes this job - he’s going to have to move!!! I don’t think the praise band needs a John, it need a Judas. I can see why the old man doesn’t like the idea of a Praise band, he must be the only one there who doesn’t have a hearing aid that he can just turn off.

Embedding not allowed. Boooooo, how dare they! It’s as if they thought someone might poke fun at their video. The very thought of it. Catch it here.

The Minis

This can’t be a real film. It’s a p*ss take, right? I’m glad they soundtracked it to Soldier Girl by the Polyphonic Spree, cos that makes lots of sense...



The Gingerdead Man

Well the title alone has got me excited. It’s hard to know how to judge a film which is clearly meant to be no masterpiece, and is probably quite deliberate in its crass crapness. I mean, how can you possibly make a monster 8 inches high scary? In a struggle, it would be really hard not to tear him to pieces. Look out for the sequel: Gingerdead Man 2: The Passion of the Crust.



*Spoke too soon, this one has rather a nice surprise.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Finally, a fashion label I can get behind...

Monday, May 16, 2011

The Horror of Sleeping Beauty

This year the British Film Institute is showing all 50 films in Disney’s official animation canon. It’s a wonderful opportunity to appreciate the quality of the animation on the big screen, and to catch some of the more seldom seen pictures in the Disney collection.

Not every one is a complete masterpiece, indeed, some of more obscure pictures are obscure for a reason. But there was one film I was particularly keen on seeing, and that was Sleeping Beauty. Why? Because Sleeping Beauty was to be Walt’s big attempt at a full length epic – something that would prove that animation could be taken seriously as art.

He spent 7 years animating it. Had actors perform many of the scenes so they could be rotoscoped. He scored the film with pieces of Tchaikovsky's ballet of the same name. He spent so much time developing the look of the thing, that he, alas, neglected some of the story telling.

The Prince and Princeless are entirely bland, totally pared down to little more than instruments of the story, not real characters at all. And the villainess Maleficent is humourless and colourlessly wicked – although admittedly an impressive looking creation. It’s as if the story is so tried and true, that Walt is going through the motions. Only the good fairies are really memorable.

But still, Sleeping Beauty is worth seeing, and because of the seven good years Walt spent on it. Just admire the beautiful colours and the stunning layered effect of this opening sequence (well as best as you can on YouTube.



Despite it’s duller than average storytelling, Sleeping Beauty is still a worthwhile spectacle. Walt’s excesses are justified. But besides the wonderful opening, the other sequence of note is the climax, which is what stimulated me to write this post.

I went to see Sleeping Beauty on a Saturday, and what had not occurred to me at all, is that the screening would be full of kids. It was packed too, which was good to see. The kids were quite well behaved too. But it was the parents who surprised me. They hadn’t seemed to have expected that the film just might be a bit scary.

Now this is the BFI, where a film is part of a programme, it’s not screened over and over – the parents will have chosen to bring their kids here, they won’t have been badgered by them. Could they really not have known what they were seeing?

In the climax, the handsome Prince escapes from Maleficent’s dark castle (as frightening a dark castle as has appeared in any animation) and having dodged many of her attacks, he rides towards the Princess’s kingdom. Maleficent casts a spell which surrounds the city in a forest of thorns. But the Prince hacks through the thorns with his enchanted sword.

Enraged, Maleficent roars through the sky and lands ahead him. She transforms into a dragon and roars waves of fire at him. He is forced back, protected by only his shield. The forest is set on fire and the ground collapses under the weight of the dragon’s strength. The Prince is pushed to the edge of a cliff; his shield falls from his grip. All is almost lost, but the good fairies bless his sword once more and he plunges his sword into the dragon's heart. It falls dead, almost upon the Prince, who is forced to run up its back to avoid plummeting into the chasm as the ground collapses under it.

It’s a dark sequence and pretty scary. There was a sense of tension in the air, not just because of the drama. Maybe it was just me, but I thought I could feel mumblings of “that’s a bit much”. Judge for yourself:



Then as the sword hits the dragon’s heart, I heard the women sat next to me, I’m guessing a grandmother, with granddad and granddaughter, made a very audible tut. When the film end As I stood to leave, I heard the woman next to me say to her husband “well it says a great deal about the people of that time”.

Now, I can only assume she was talking of the violence and horror, which she had so clearly shown displeasure at. I also heard others claim that it was quite a surprisingly scary sequence. True, it certainly has impact. I noticed at the screening, and confirmed on the YouTube vid, that there’s even a bit of blood.

I must admit to being rather aghast at this bizarre response. Now granted, I am not a parent. But I was a child once, and I saw Sleeping Beauty when I was a child, although perhaps a bit older than those in the screening. I don’t remember being scared by it. I remember it. When the dragon hits the prince with the fire and it knocks him across the ground - I remember that vividly. It made other dragons in other cartoons look pathetic.

So from personal experience, it was not too scary. But what about other children? You know, I don’t think I heard any child cry or scream during the scene. There was some crying earlier, when Maleficent stalked menacingly, but none during the actual sequence.

Just what did the woman mean when she said, “well it says a great deal about the people of that time”. That the audience was less sophisticated? This is Sleeping Beauty, one of the most gorgeous looking animations of all time. Is she seriously suggesting it is less sophisticated than, say, Sammy: A Turtle’s Tale or Rio. And the fact that the cinema is full more than 50 years after its first release says something surely for its credentials. There are no shortage of animated films, even in the Disney canon – we could’ve gone to see something else.

I’m guessing it’s the horror and the violence she objects too. Yet horror and violence have been part of children’s stories for centuries. Have you read a Grimm Fairytale? I have a vivid memory of one where an imp type creature tricks boys into climbing in hollow trees, and then traps them inside and dances off. The End – no happy ending at all.

So what’s so harmful about this particular film? The violence? Is the killing of the dragon with a sword condoning violence? Should the Prince have tried to reason with it, a monster who literally delights in evil? Where would the excitement be in that, do we not view fairy tales, not just for the romance, but for the excitement? They are never without adventure – why else would boys even give them a look.

Do they really think that children are going to pick up swords and start trying to stab each other? I don’t think in the last 50 years there’s been a huge rise in sword related violence. Knife crime perhaps, but again, I don’t somehow think the gang lads from East London and the council estates where brought up on a diet of Disney. And they’re not children are they?

Disney, the company, is not without its panics as regards violence. Another film I saw, Make Mine Music, features a hillbilly sequence, which was removed from the DVD release because of the constant gunplay. I can sort of sympathise with this, guns can look like a toy, but then again, it’s the parent’s responsibility to store them safely. And again, I don’t think gun deaths in America are likely to have risen between kids after watching Disney – I doubt there was any rise at the time, and the movie came out during WW2!

Why do parents feel the need to patronise their children in this way? Do they not think they can tell the difference between reality and unreality? Do children not understand that an animation is an animation? That there are no Dragons or Witches or talking animals.

I watched cartoons with absolute obsession when I was a child. I knew the difference between truth and reality. I never thought that if I shot my brother (and believe me, we did not get on), in the way that say Elmer Fudd shot Daffy Duck, that he would be fine in 5 seconds time. Kids can believe what they know really isn’t true, and while every so often a story appears where a child had been hurt does appear, are these not very isolated incidents?

I just can’t believe that people honestly feel these things need censoring. Or that children today find this material too strong. There’s a bizarre lack of retrospection – if it was fine for you to watch as a child, why wouldn’t it be fine for children now? You know, there were no screams in the cinema, no crying during the big climax. Only adults were frightened.

Who knows what scares kids? When I was a child I screamed when, in an episode of Thomas the Tank Engine, he was covered black in coal*. I once babysitted a girl frightened by the appearance of Santa in an episode of Barney. Yet I turned out reasonably normal; I can honestly say I've hardly shot anyone in ages.

Is it possible, just possible, that kids knew it would turn out ok? Will they have now deduced by now that maybe it will turn out ok despite the horror? Maybe, just maybe, Walt knew what he was doing, and maybe that’s why Sleeping Beauty has lasted, while Sammy: A Turtle’s Tale and Rio will be forgotten quickly.

And I wonder whether some of the others there who were surprised by the scariness, where surprised because their memory had played tricks on them? Was it that scary when they were kids? Well yes it was, and is that the power of the happy ending – that it clouds out all the nightmares on the way?

It just worries me that such an engaging piece of art can be devalued by the wet-prejudices of people who would seek to protect children from scary things, unreal violent things. That they should think them so simple that they can’t determine truth from fiction. That they could be patronised so, and as result, deprived of such character.

We are depriving our children if we do not treat them to art, and fob them off with committee made CGI talking animal blandities. There’s a reason that the cinema was full, and that’s because generations have enjoyed this film, and wanted to share the movie with their kids. You are not different from your children, they are like you were when you were a child. They cannot take less than you can. And if they’re scared, well, they’ll get over it. Children are resilient too.

Still, I can’t help but wonder whether the tutting women, disgusted with Walt’s violent narrative, is happy with her granddaughter hearing the story of outspoken man who was betrayed by his friend, stoned, beaten and then nailed to a cross until dead.

Now that’s a story that’s had long-standing violent repercussions.



*I was put off by the idea of black-face even then.