Friday, March 31, 2006

Fact Two

Angered by restrictive cuts to the contraversial
show 'Brass Eye' Chris Morris decided to get revenge on Channel 4 director Michael Grade by inserting the subliminal message 'Grade Is a Cunt' into the final episode of the series. The show was not recommisioned.

In revenge Morris sent a letter to Nelson Mandela describing how Grade had campaigned to keep him in prison and another letter posing as Grade to singer Paul Simon explaining why he thought Art Garfunkel was the more talented out of the two.

As a tribute when Adam & Joe paradied Morris's other show 'Jam' in their sketch Goitre, they included a similar message which does feature on the DVD but is damn impossible to track down. The Brass Eye message has been ommited from that DVD.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Fact One

In my adventures in Professional Writing I keep coming across random stupid facts (did you know that Cufflinks predate the shirt) and I feel the need to spread these interesting tidbids to you my loyal and vast (cough) audience

Fact One - The Pokemon episode Electric Soldier Porygon/"Dennou Senshi Porigon" is currently banned from television because on its original airing it caused seizures in 635 children in Japan, a move which saw the show suspended for 4 months with the credit sequences significantly redesigned and new regulations introduced for animated shows to control the use of flashing light sequences on television.

There are currently 7 banned episodes of Pokemon. Other reasons include one character dressing up like Hitler posing with a gun and a female character examining her oversized breasts. Several episodes were banned because of the use of this character and her racially insensitive appearance. She was later redesigned.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Movie Magic

Here is my review for the most recent film by director Woody Allen, "Match Point".

The most tedious waste of time I have ever had at a cinema. The thing about good screenwriting is that it has structure, it doesn't just go and on and on and on and on...until eventually it end which is what happened. It was bad enough that it was too long and very dull but it didn't bloody know where to end. This is supposed to be a great director, and he didn't know when to end that damn thing. There was an absolutly blindingly obviously good place to end it when the sequence which open the film was repeated, when a good a framing device wasted. Then meanders on into some, quite frankly, bizarre scenes with James Nesbitt as a light comedy detective with a hunch, The main character seeing and talking to ghosts.

Not that the rest of the film is any better. Just what we need, an American director making a film about the upperclasses. Another film which suggests everyone is repressed, rich, dreadfully nice and has a house in the country. Brian Cox, a fine actor, is wasted. Jonathon Rhys Meyers couldn't be more cold and unlikeable. His girlfried is wetter than the Atlantis Diving School but by the end you couldn't feel more sorry for her. I didn't believe for a second he was capable of killing her (yes I've spoiled the plot but its wank anyway) Scarlett Johansson's character is no brighter by any means. Despite some early chemisty between them both, by the end you would quite glad to see them all dead. The most satisfying ending would've been Johansson returning from the brink Action Hero style and gunning the lot of them em down in a bloody massacre.

The plot is unnoriginal and cliched and just tiresome. The only fun thing in the whole film is the long list of random cameos and some of those are pretty odd. And I think somebody would here it if you fired a shot gun in a london flat don't you - PLOT HOLE

Don't go and see this film. If you are a die hard Woody Allen fan and absolutly clinically need to see it download it or buy it from illegal means so as not to put money into the hands of the pillocks who made it.

These are professionals, talented people. Would could've possibly pocessed them to make such amateur crap.

So there

Coming Soon

Look out for my much less inflamatory article on Tom Hanks in the film magazine Movie Magic/Big Screen

Friday, March 17, 2006

Real True Life Stories

This story is abosulutly genuine, its on the BBC site if you don't believe me.

Sudan man forced to 'marry' goat

A Sudanese man has been forced to take a goat as his "wife", after he was caught having sex with the animal.
The goat's owner, Mr Alifi, said he surprised the man with his goat and took him to a council of elders.
They ordered the man, Mr Tombe, to pay a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars ($50) to Mr Alifi.
"We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together," Mr Alifi said.
Mr Alifi, Hai Malakal in Upper Nile State, told the Juba Post newspaper that he heard a loud noise around midnight on 13 February and immediately rushed outside to find Mr Tombe with his goat.
"When I asked him: 'What are you doing there?', he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up".
Mr Alifi then called elders to decide how to deal with the case.
"They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife," Mr Alifi told the newspaper.

Monday, March 13, 2006


For those of you who enjoy being unsettled, I have the following piece of advice.

Put your hands flat up against a wall. Then stand a arms length away, not stretching, just at normal arms length. Then without moving your feet, take your arms away, rub both your elbows hard, then try to touch the wall again.

Freaky isn't it.

I went into a SKA cafe yesterday, and asked to see the Specials

I haven't had a quote of the week before, but I think this needs to establish a precedent.

I just happened to turn on the end of Channel 4's Actors greatest Actor countdown. My good idol the lord high Brian Blessed said of Judi Dench:


Monday, March 06, 2006

Tom Hanks

Did you know Tom Hanks descends from the same family line as Abraham Lincoln.

The following link will provide a critical insight into Tom Hanks's views on Harry Potter