Wednesday, August 30, 2006

The Curse of Me

Luck has never really been kind. Fate pisses upon my personal bonfire on an almost daily basis.

Besides my Telly/Video braking the day before my birthday, I was recently faced with a new scenario which would make me shake my head and cry 'typical'.

I have developed financial security due to not very pleasant circumstances. What I don't really have to worry about, or have crave right about now, is money.

So what do I find lying in the road, whilst on my way to the train station. What do I see tightly wrapped together?

50 quid, two 20's and a 10 pound note.

You know how much I would've killed to have found that kind of money two months ago when I couldn't even get any of the crappiest McJobs in the area? How much I would've loved to have 50 pounds to buy all those new albums that I've been desperatly wanting but could no longer afford. And now when I just don't need it.

I spent ten pounds buying lunch, paying for my train ticket, and buying a bit of food. I donated the remaining £40 to the British Heart Foundation because they mays as well benefit from my totally innappropriate luck!

Thursday, August 24, 2006

I Made Up A New Game

Yes that's write, I have invented an exciting new word game.

It's called 'The New Single by the Cheeky Girls Game'. You have to come up with the next single for that ingenious and sophisticated girl duo, the Cheeky Girls, by inserting the word cheeky into a popular title, scoring extra points afterward if you can get the word 'bum' in there as well.

To illustrate here are a few examples.

There is a bum and it never goes cheeky
The Cheeky drugs don't work
Hit me baby, one more cheeky time
Bum Action (I believe in cheeky)
If you tolerate this, your cheeky bum will be next
Hit me with your cheeky stick
The more you ignore me, the cheekier I get
Cheeking my religeon
My cheek bum don't lie
What's cheeky bum got to do with it
My cheeky bum will go on
Sorted for bums and cheeky
It's a cheeky sin
I would do anything for you cheeky bum (but I won't let you stick your finger up mine)

Why not have a go for yourself

Monday, August 21, 2006

Nixon in Da House

I received the first monetary inheritance from my late fathers estate this week. The only circumstances in which a large cash bonus would not have leaping around the room with delirious, moist-mouthed excitement.

Sadly this substantial cheque has been made out to D J Nixon.

Not D P Nixon

And as I not the sort of person to pump out bangin choons to warm people up for the impending weekend, I will be sending this cheque back.

Quote of the Day:

"Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy." - Spike Milligan

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Fact Twelve

Factosis level: Medium

The American mafia began in response to the actions of a group of men known as 'The Black Hand'. The Black Hand would attack and vandalise any business that were becoming too prosperous. They would send mail which would be signed with a black hand stamped at the bottom, in the years before fingerprinting.

Hence the term 'blackmail'.

Okay it's pretty short but very interesting I think.

What! you think I just sit around all day pissing around on wikipedia just to find out useless pieces information to fill the empty void that is my soul.

It's two hours a day max.

What the f**k do you want from me.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Important Historical Documents Discovered!

Whilst sorting through the piles of papers present at my father's house, a number of important, and valuable, historical documents were discovered. Their contents have been reproduced here for you interest.

Year 4
Language: David has sown in improvement in this area and is gaining confidence. He reads in a fluent style, his comprehension skills have shown improvement. Handwriting haphazard but he is making efforts to improve. Gaining confidence within a group situation

Mathematics: During this year David has gained confidence in this area and this has resulted in a a surge of interest

Science: David has shown enthusiasm for the science based topics we have pursued during the year.

D.T.: Has interesting plans and designs but finds some difficulty in executing them.

History: Enjoys historical topics.

Geography: He is interested in the worlds and its problems.

Art: David has made great progress, he has the confidence to try out new mediums.

Music: David shows interest and always tries hard. A helpful boy.

Physical Education: David hs worked quietly and well. He has gained in his confidencee and made good progress.

Religous Education: He is sympathetic towards other peoples problems.

Class Teachers Comments: David has become more involved with class activities during the year, taking responsibilities upon himself, when he sees the need.

Head Teachers Comments: It has been good to see David become less detached from the class. I want to see this continue. Good boy.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Woe, Woe and Thrice Woe

We had the funeral on Friday. Possibibly the hardest things I've ever had to do. I'd been trying so hard to get through all this that I hadn't really had to face until them. So instead of the funeral making me feel better I actually feel worse now.

Got pretty drunk that evening. Sang 'People Are Strange' by the Doors at karaoke because that's easy to sing when your throat is buggered. I don't think I sang it very well but because I was so pissed I wasn't nearly as nervous as I usually am so it came of ok.

The whole evening ended with my and the two Chris's eating Tesco Ice Cream on the park. Felt like crap in the morning, only the second time in history I've had a headache with my hangover. Not even an English breakfast could cure it.

The trip back was thankfully smooth (for once - an hour and a half late on my journey up). But I had hoped that things would get back to normal once I got back to Falmouth but I don't really feel any better. Because things won't ever be the same again.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Stephen Nixon 1951 - 2006

My father died last week, which as you can imagine came as a bit of a blow. It was a heartattack that took him in the end. He'd been unwell since he was diagnosed with high blood pressure in October but more so when he suffered a stroke over Christmas. Though he was recovering, the inactivity of not being at work made his recovery slow.

I somehow knew I'd be getting the call sometime in the not to far distant future and I knew the second I got a phone call from my brother (he never phones me) that it had happened.

The funeral will take place this Friday. It's all been arranged by a local Undertaker who I'm not sure I can forgive for discussing the arrangements at my mums house whilst wearing Bart Simpson socks and having a mobile that shouts 'Hello Moto' when it rings. Nice fella though. It's just going to be a simple affair unless of course someone has invented the concept of 'Pimp My Funeral' and enters us, but I somehow doubt that.