Sunday, March 04, 2012

Yet Even More Bad Trailers

They're not good, but when compared to trailers like Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close and 21 Jump Street, they seem positively bursting with vitality.

Hell of the Living Dead

You’re supposed to pick the best moments for your movie trailer, not just any old bits of the movie. And not 4 minutes worth of bits. Even the zombies look tired – watch for the one who puts the gun in his mouth voluntarily. Still, nice to see some of the characters get offed in the trailer, so you know not to care about them.


They can escape a whole spaceship’s security force but they can’t escape a sexually confused super-soldier on earth?


At what point do they disturb the graves of the dead? I don’t think they need worry too much, native American monsters can’t seemingly can’t perform acts of vengeance away from a black background – true fact.

As if massacring them and taking their land wasn’t insulting enough…

The Frozen Dead

But, it says that they were frozen alive right at the beginning, so how can they be dead? And why are their arms sticking out of a wall? If you can put a living head in a box surely you can store and preserve limbs in a more sensible manner.

The Doberman Gang

And you thought violent dogs were a contemporary problem. Let’s hope the council estate kids don’t start having these ideas… Although, frankly, the cost of training the dogs and then the printing and decorating costs of building such an elaborate rehearsal set would mean that they would have to commit three robberies before they broke even.


One man, you say, but which man? Who is it? Don’t keep us in suspense – oh, wait, you didn’t.

It Came Without Warning

Who in this trailer doesn’t get a warning? I mean there’s the squeaking sound for starters… Maybe just wear a balaclava or a hat?

Attack of the Puppet People

They’re not puppets and they’re not attacking anyone. That’s a double fail. And they don’t seem to mind being small that much; doesn’t stop them putting on a show.

The Glamazon Bone Crushers of The Wrestling World

Things were tough before internet porn. It’s no coincidence that when the titles say 70 minutes of interrupted action, the 70 looks like 10 – and that’s just the skipping rope scene.