Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Vengeance Sweet Vengeance

I forgot when I left my old residence to vent my spleenful of hatred, in regard to my old landlord, all over this blog.

I used to reside in pleasant, but thoroughly dull, town of a Penryn, lodging in a house with possibly one of the most small-minded and petty individuals I have ever had the misfortune of not assaulting.

A man dull enough to place under every light switch in the house a little sticker saying 'Please turn off when not in use'. A man who described in great detail to one of my housemates who she could twist the bolt and open the front door by using only one hand if she was carrying something. A man who gave us a two hour discussion on how the house was kept clean and provided with a two sided printed table of how all the tasks were variously divided up between us, with an ascent on how many he did himself.

There are many tales I could tell of this petty man. There was one time when I decided not to put the recycling from the kitchen in the bin to be collected the following morning because the bin was already full. I came to the kitchen later for my evening snack, he had placed his carbboard sign (he kept one ready in a draw) telling us we needed to take the recycling out, determined not to do it himself. So I thought f**k it and did. Ten minutes later I him, from my bedroom window, checking that I've done it right. No what was the bloody point of him making me do it if he's still going out to check??? In a sense he was right to check, I had deliberatly placed it precariously on the top in the hope it would blow away in the strong wind and he'd have to pick it up in the morning. And to top it off they didn't take it because we'd put out too much.

To stick with the recycling, I was in a rush once and tipped all my empty coke cans into the bin without crushing them. When I got back he'd crushed them himself and left them in front of the gate for me to see what he'd done and what I was supposed to do. I promptly stepped over them and left them for him to pick up, which he did.

I'd say this anal attitude was due to him having a small penis but his girlfriend is fifteen years younger than him and I hardly thinks its likely she's spends time with him for the sparkling conversation.

I tried my hardest not to leave any stone unturned when I left his residence, having been given a three page letter on the various ways I was to clean up my room. Unfortunatly there is simply no way to fight somewhat operating on such a petty, small minded, beaurocrating, patronsing level so I ended losing £30.

This wasn't a great loss and aggrovated as I was I decided to let it go. However just last week I bumped into one of my fellow housemates who had a long discussion about his deposit with this man on moving out the house, which had sent the landlord into a tantrum. Afterward he threw away all the unclaimed mail for both him and myself, which included bank statements. This is very serious and has reawakened my thirst for vengeance.

So I have decided to hit back. Not hard when it comes to such a petty man. So I'm going to inundate him with internet ordered free samples. So far I've ordered him:

A whiskers kitty starter pack.
A copy of pyschic magazine.
Free pet food samples
An information pack about 'Gut Week', which took place in August.

More will follow....

1 comments:

Phil Ogley said...

Dave, why don't you just bomb his house!!! and be done - terrorism can win with such anal arseholes!! i hope he reads it........Jesus did say there is hope for all...or was that Gandhi?