Friday, June 01, 2007

The Pain Of It All

Haven't done much this week other than spend each day curled up in a ball weeping to myself. Although I did find the time to review the ass off this documentary.

But I thought I had problems. That's nothing compared to what the Martians have to deal with.


Their children have become dull and stale. They want to breathe life into them again. Just look at the boring little bastards*.


So they send their mighty robot Tork to kidnap Santa Claus and take him to Mars to entertain their children.


Will their plan succeed. Can the authorities put up a fight against their mighty martian technology. And will the whole plan be stopped by that dastardly martain Keevon, boo-hiss


And let's not forgot that outrageous jokester, Droppo. His wacky antics are always getting him into trouble.


For all this and more (yes there is more**) why not download 'Santa Claus Conquers The Martians' here for free. You won't be disappointed.

*One of the children (which ever one is the girl) is actress and Dancer Pia Zadora, who is famous in America and can be seen dancing at the end of 'The Naken Gun 33 1/3' until Nielson buggers it up and takes off her wig. I also recall hearing a story about her being in a production of the Anne Frank Diaries which was so bad that when the Nazies arrived someone in the audience shouted out "She's in the attic".

**Just wait until you see the thrilling Polar Bear chase scene!!!

11 comments:

pamela said...

Your review is brilliant! I would like to watch that... believe me I've seen some terrible films come through our office, I have no idea who funds them, it's scary!

helcat said...

Nice review Dave! It makes me want to watch it loads - it sounds awful.

Matt said...

That does look awesome! Is there also somewhere we can watch "Robot Monster" for free? What are your Top 5 So Bad They're Good films? Is City Dragon in there? Whatabout Bela Lugosi?

Anonymous said...

Pamela, always wondered what you got up to at Crimewatch.

pamela said...

City Dragon is amazing.

Matt said...

I guess luck is a lover, not a fighter.

Dave Paul Nixon said...

Robot Monster only costs £3.50 from Amazon - pull your finger out Matt you cheapskate

Anonymous said...

Ooh Matt, quoting the poetic Michael Jackson. Can you moonwalk? Can you? Um, Um?, Can you?

Matt said...

I was actually quoting it from the legendary City Dragon, which, if you haven't seen it, is your loss. Possibly. And no, I can't moonwalk. Can you?

Anonymous said...

No, but I do think the lanky bloke from Dragon's Den would do a good moonwalk, talking of dragons.

pamela said...

Anyone who dumps his girlfriend via rap has my vote.