Office of Wonder

One of the many problems with modern living is that many, myself included, must face a working life that takes place solely behind a desk in front of a PC monitor. A place which becomes our home from home. The spot where we spend more time than anywhere else each week, except for maybe our own beds.

But fortunately I am spared much of this modern drudgery, for my work place is unique. The Point at Paddington Basin is a building like no other, as described below in the architects very special design brief.

TFP were commissioned to design the fit-out and the brief focused on sharing of information. The core concept for this is a volcano. The lower ground floor is the 'magma chamber' of ideas, and the atrium the vertical focus of communication and activity, with ideas fountaining out into the wider world. This energy manifests itself on the outside by a ripple of colour up the centre of the entrance façade, culminating in a coloured glass sculpture on the top.

Some days I have so many ideas, I feel quite like throwing myself down the vertical focus of communication and activity

Delightfully Inappropriate

Now this is ASDA Priceless...

Now this is Cheap

Now if Budgens is expensive, check out how cheap M&S is. I know the share price has taken a bit of kicking, but still, we're not worth much.

This is on all the store signs, so the website has to have it up.

Went to see American nutcase Daniel Johnston for an exceptionally short instore appearance over at Brick Lane. Then on my way back I happened to go through Tottenham Court Road station where people were being stopped and searched and I happened to be a man with a bag. And to top that, I had a beard. Women with handbags were fine, after all, there were only men searching so they couldn't check the women. Female terrorists were free to wire up and explode at their leisure.

It wasn't being searched that I minded, as I wasn't wired what did it matter? But it was the part where he took down my address, personal details and wanted to see proof of my ID. And now what happens to that data? Does it go onto my file, because I was searched once does that go on my permanent record? If I try to get on a plane, will it come up when they scan my passport that I was caught with a manbag and a beard and was worth searching at a London tube station once. I was suspicious then, he must still be trouble now? Am I officially more suspicious now than I was before???

Am I????

He didn't look in the plastic bag I was carrying. Not possible to hide explosives in a thin plastic bag. Good job he didn't make me it empty it out, or else everyone would've seen me with a particularly gay looking Bryan Ferry record. It's the one that lists credits for Cover Design, Photography, Clothes & Make-up, Hair and Artwork on the back, when the cover actually features him wearing a t-shirt next to a blue background

Budgens Finally Goes Too Far

Shelly Von Strunckel Pearl o’ Wisdom of the Week:

Trust your instincts over what seem like hard facts. They may run counter to logic at the moment but with two powerful eclipses approaching, what seems unlikely now could soon be a commonplace experience. Once everything has taken place, you’ll realise that those instincts were pointing the way.

It's like she leapt behind my eyes and saw exactly what was going to happen.

Filler

Not much going still. Granted I did go back to Stoke for the weekend - so nothing interesting there. I did get a replacement laptop and my brother is kindly retrieving my hard drive from my old one, so that’s fine. And I shall be paying for my new laptop with my £825 tax refund - oh yeah...

I saw the newly reformed Cornershop.


And the rescheduled Ladytron gig...

And here are some more review type things…

Sunset Boulevard (1950) William Holden, Gloria Swanson, Erich Von Stroheim. Dir: William Wilder

Down on his luck screenwriter Holden gets caught up in the twisted web of a former silent screen goddess. Iconic film noir with Wilder’s trademark sharp dialogue, but it’s the loaded performance of real life former icon Swanson that steals the show. OTT but with the bitter pill of truth

DDDDD

Theatre of Blood (1973) Vincent Price, Diana Rigg, Ian Hendry. Dir: Douglas Hickox

Shakerspearian ham actor Price takes revenge against his critics with a series of bard inspired murders.
Price is having the most fun in this entertaining spoof, but the narrative is very bitty, and the tension never seems to really build up. But the set pieces are very memorable.

DDDD

Marnie (1964) Sean Connery, Tippi Hedren, Martin Gable, Diance Baker. Dir Alfred Hitchcock

Connery is smitten with Hedren, a frigid kleptomaniac who‘s robbed him, so he determines to set her straight. Lesser Hitchcock - hard to believe that Connery would keep patience with such an unlikeable lead, the audience certainly won’t and the ending doesn’t vindicate it. Mother is sympathetic for once

DDD

Bestiality Case of the Day...

Good News

Due to some reorganisation of my department, that's all four of us, my work responsibilities are no longer certain defined tasks, I now am responsible for certains departments, all the ones that aren't clothing!!!

No more trying to pretend I know anything about fashion, no more struggling to come up with different outfit names for different shirt and tie combinations and no more giggling at outfit names I'm would never be allowed to call the plus size outfits (jumper-lumper, All-round style, etc).

Bad News

Non-clothing departments include beauty and cosmetics, and flowers. Anyone know what SPF 15 means?

News Story of the Day: Rabbit Killer!

I Think They Started From That End Deliberately

Damn Yahoo To Hell!

Anyone else having problems with Yahoo at the moment?

I'am, I can't read my emails. It'll let me log-in, but it insists on me re-entering my password and but won't accept it. It's just an endless on going loop.

I have 15 emails that are unread. Granted most of them will be asking for my credit card details or detailing great offers on Viagra, but damn it those are my fraudulant and pervy emails. Amongst them there may well be upto two messages that are important-ish.

Furthermore, I've wasted money going to a net cafe to confirm that it's not working, because I was assuming, as usual, it was just the crappy work internet. I could've of course found out at home if it wasn't for the fact that my laptop is also fucked!

The light comes on and then it very rapidly goes off again. No start-up sounds, just the lights on and then quickly off. This is very, very inconvenient, I need that laptop. Fortunately I saved my essential files to my iPod the week before, so I better save them to another computer before that fucks up too.

I can't help but feel this is the tip of the iceberg. Somethings coming, a personal calamity to end all other calamities. What will go wrong next?

Errm...

Yeah, not much happening at the moment. Managed to skilfully fail to get some freelance work, played football a couple of times (badly), went far up north for a christening party (there was no actual christening. While I was there I played the ultimate game of Jenga – 40 minutes long, gained an audience. It was soooo tense – and naturally I was the one who goofed, but I was part of something. Part of something special…



Anyway, here are two possibly interesting things to read which may well happened. There’s this and this…

Samuel Goldwynism of the Day:

“I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everyone to tell the truth – even though it costs him his job.”

Not Even He's That Bad

More Films

Scars of Dracula (1970) Christopher Lee, Dennis Waterman, Christopher Matthews, Patrick Troughton. Dir: Roy Ward Baker

A young rogue disappears and his brother and his fiancée track him down to castle Dracula. Sharp pacing can get you through shakier Hammer films, but this drags and is too derivative. The male lead dies early and is replaced with a blander one and the bat effects are awful.

DDd

Touch of Evil (1958) Charlton Heston, Janet Leigh, Orson Welles, Marlene Dietrich, Akim Tamiroff. Dir: Orson Welles.

Mexican (?) honeymooner Heston clashes against detective Welles as they investigate a murder. How great direction can turn a good film into a great one: dramatic, arresting and told with visual flair further enhanced by great performances and cracking dialogue. A near perfect thriller.

DDDDDd

The Raven (1934) Bela Lugosi, Boris Karloff, Lester Matthews. Dir: Lew Landers.

A poe-obssessed surgeon plots revenge against those who deny him the woman he loves. Though shakey round the edges and dated in places, this is an absolute riot with several stylish and memorable sequences that stick in the memory. Lugosi hits the right note in his over-the-top performance.

DDDDd

The Big Steal (1949) Robert Mitchum, Jane Greer, William Bendix, Ramon Novarro. Dir: Don Siegal.

Soldier Mitchum pursues Novarro who framed him for theft while he is pursued by cop Bendix. I wasn’t engaged, it seemed unsure of whether it was a comedy or drama and would’ve been over quickly if anyone in it used their brains, but it’s generally highly regarded by critics.

DDDd

Timber Falls(2008) Josh Randell, Brianna Brown, Nick Searcy, Beth Broderick. Dir: Tong Giglio

Beautiful twenty-somethings take the wrong route hiking and naturally meet a house of psychos. Counting the clichés is about as much fun as you’ll have with this derivative affair. Script is wooden, hard to tell whether it’s tongue in cheek or trying to be serious, it is unintentionally funny.

Dd

The Spy Who Came In From The Cold (1965) Richard Burton, Claire Bloom, Oskar Werner. Dir: Martin Ritt.

A disenchanted agent takes on one final mission before retiring. The first anti-Bond film. Le Carre’s excellent far-fetched thriller is given a suitably cold edge by stark photography and an excellent performance by a perfectly cast Burton as the weary spy. Excellent and unsettling.

DDDDd

Pictures

I have had the immense pleasure of seeing a number of wonderful bands during the last two months. I'd like to share with you some photographs from these special evenings.

Clinic at the 220 club.


Portishead at Hammersmith Apollo.


Supported by A Hawk And A Hacksaw.


Bjork, also at Hammersmith Apollo.


Elbow at Brixton Empire (feat Richard Hawley).


Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds at Hammersmith Apollo.


Jonathan Richman at Shepherds Bush Empire.


Ladytron at London Astoria


Sparks at Islington Academy


Einsturzende Neubauten at London Forum

Can't Believe It Closed Down

Yeah, I bet they sold 'camping gear'.

I did something on Saturday that I've never ever done before... I ate at a chinese restaurant, and actually quite enjoyed it.

In the fine chinese tradition, or novelty chinese stereotype tradition at least, I cracked open a fortune cookie, and thus learnt this insightful and wise piece of advice:

"Please someone at work by remaining clam and impartial".

I shall remember it always.

Somethings Shouldn't Exist

A few years ago I remember watching a particularly good episode of South Park. The episode featured Cartman looking for more mature friends and he decided it was best to do this on the internet. Unfortunately his new friends kept getting arrested moments after they met, so he was advised to join NAMBLA – the North American Man Boy Love Association, where he would meet lots of interesting mature friends.

Jealous, all the other boys also joined, it was only when the lights went out and the FBI showed up did we discover it had been a mistake and Cartman had joined the wrong association, he was actually recommended to join the North American Marlon Brando Look-a-likes Association.

Anyway, it was a really great episode that even my Father, who never liked any comedy post 1982, liked. But I had assumed it was all just made up, so imagine my surprise when I found this out…

Fact about the Federated States of Micronesia of the day: The FSM is a sovereign, self-governing state in free association with the United States, which is wholly responsible for its defense. The Division of Maritime Surveillance operates a paramilitary Maritime Wing and a small Maritime Police Unit. The Compact of Free Association allows FSM citizens to join the US military without having to obtain U.S. permanent residency or citizenship.

Sunny Liverpool

I'd firstly like to congratulate Virgin Trains for providing me with the opportunity to visit Liverpool and for returning me home only an hour late, which is a whole half-hour less than journey which resulted in me receiving this ticket in the first place. That's progress*.

Firstly, Liverpool town centre is beautiful, granted it was a pretty grey weekend, but it's a much more beautiful town centre than any I've walked through in London. Mostly beautiful old building, with the newer ones, in most cases, seamlessly added in.

The waterfront area was very nice too, although much of the construction work detracted from all it's glory (shouldn't this have been done before it became city of culture?)I visited the Liverpool Museum, took a look at the slavery exhibit, the Liverpool Tate Modern. Interesting stuff.

Unfortunatly the outskirts, the suburbs, are not so, well, nice. My B&B was a little out of the way, I knew that, but I didn't know quite how far away. On my multimap printout it seemed just a short walk. But my map was across two different pages each piece only showing the turns of the journey. They did not show the very, very long road that connected them.

The maps were also wrong. They didn't mention that the elongated Prescott Road, stopped being Prescott Road and changed to Kensington Road, before reverting back to being Prescott Road (It was actually Prescott Street, but that was wrong too). So after deciding to continue on to Kensington, having decided it was probably the right way, I went on. And on. And on. I'm going for miles on a road that might not even be the right road.

Eventually I asked someone and it turned out I was on the right track, but by this time I'd entered the wilderness. Boarded houses, metal shutters, curry house after Chinese after Indian after betting shop. Passed a 24 hour off-license called 'Not Drunk Enough'. And there were chavs and scallies and they were everywhere!

And the people were ugly. I was waiting for a bus, a dozen people there with me, and I was the most attractive person there. This was a unique experience for me. Granted, it was a bit like getting the 2nd prize at a beauty contest card in Monopoly when you're playing with your Gran, but it was a unique experience nevertheless.

So in summation, visit Liverpool, but stay in the town centre, dear god, don't leave the city centre.

And try not to take the train if you can avoidit.

*It was a track power failure so I suppose that's not their fault, although I'm not sure who to blame for the farcical misinformation that was a great deal less funny to all the people who got on at Birmingham, sat down, and were then told to get off again.

David's Day Out

This weekend I’m spending a day away in Liverpool.

Why am I going to Liverpool?

Well, after Christmas I was treated to the usual kind of anarchy that only Virgin Trains can provide. I was caught up in the New Year rail works problems and arrived back in Stoke one and a half hours late. Naturally I was determined to be compensated.

Before I filed my complaint I received an email. I receive emails all the time, but this one was from Virgin Trains, offering their sincere apologies and offering, in compensation, a free first class return to anywhere I wanted.

I was excited. I could go anywhere, so automatically I thought Edinburgh: that was far away and I’d never been there. I didn’t rush into anything, I thought about it, decided when to go, how long to go for: just the weekend, I didn’t want to use too much of my minimal time off.

However, I had not read the small print. As I came to book the ticket, I discovered that there were conditions, that bookings were on a first come, first served basis, and I was not the only one who had that of going to Edinburgh. There were tickets to get there, but not to get back, and a massive diversion due to rail works to further reap the piss.

So I would have to go somewhere else. But where?

It was then that I discovered the second major clause, something I really ought to have realised on my own. The tickets were only valid across the Virgin Trains network, thus my options were quite, quite limited. There were no tickets available to Glasgow, and none to place next furthest place away, Holyhead.

So I’m going to stay overnight in Liverpool. A not full-expenses-paid short holiday.

Oh how I shall live it up…

Really?

There Will Be Blood (2008) Daniel Day-Lewis, Paul Dano, Dillon Freasier. Dir: Paul Thomas Anderson

Fascinating story of the rise of oil entrepreneur Day-Lewis at the cost of his soul. Lewis is phenomenal in his role, playing his characters disintegration with brilliantly timed subtlety, sadly upstaging the also superb Dano as the zealot who stands in his way. A bit long, but worth it.

DDDDD

The Raven (1963) Vincent Price, Boris Karloff, Peter Lorre, Jack Nicholson. Dir: Roger Corman.

Parody of the earlier Corman – Poe films finds Sorcerer Laurie enlisting Price to go up against the all powerful Karloff. Tad too meandering and although there’s pleasure in watching ‘The Triumvirate of Terror’ at work, it’s not as much fun as it should be. Final duel is worth the wait.

DDDd

House on Haunted Hill (1958) Vincent Price, Richard Long, Carol Ohmart. Dir: William Castle

Millionaire Price and his wife hold a party at a house notorious for its many murders. The survivors will be rewarded with money. Gimmicky and rubbish probably even when it came out, but its stupidity is what makes it an amusing diversion and Price is always good for a laugh.

DDD

The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes (1970) Robert Stevens, Colin Blakely, Genevieve Page, Christopher Lee. Dir: Billy Wilder.

Comic yet touching portrayal of the real man behind the stories and his relationship with women as Holmes follows a case involving midgets and the loch ness monster – with a surprisingly lucid solution. Perhaps too comic in places, but this is a very elegant and perfectly staged production.

DDDDd

Fact about The Federated States of Micronesia of the Day:
The country has seven official languages: English, Ulithian, Woleaian, Yapese, Pohnpeian, Kosraean, and Chuukese.

Mistakes

Oh the horror. This week I was given an error list. There were over two hundred products on the M&S site with errors in their selling copy. Each with my name written next to it…

My jaw dropped, I was just about to prevent myself from peeing my pants as I logged the item numbers in to discover what mistakes I had made.

What I soon discovered, to my total relief, was that my name was attached to each because it was my responsibility to correct the mistakes in the item copy, not that I had made them all.

Then on further examination I discovered that many of these mistakes were words the spell-check didn’t understand like Steadycam or HD. Then there were lots of trademarked names that should to begin with a capital letter and lots of names that aren’t trademarked and shouldn’t.

After I went through all these, what remained were the genuine mistakes… not all of which were made by me.

Yes, out of the literally hundreds of items I’ve written selling copy for I’ve made a total of 6 mistakes or at least, 6 mistakes that were detected.

Either way, I can live with that.

Some Stuff

I don't have time to write anything, so here's a few of my favourites new trivia/news discoveries:

Saved by television...

Death by sofa...

Terror by gnome...